Post # 1
My bridal shower was this weekend. It was nice, my sister/MOH really pulled through with little help from my one BM and zero help from my other BM (both are my cousins). The Zero BM actually said “I did nothing” when I gave them each a little hostess gift. Both BMs knew about being in the wedding for a year now and didn’t manage to save for their dresses or the shower. Yeah, great family/friends, huh?
So the shower was going well, then after presents my Grandma got sick. She turned grey, kind of passed out, was incoherant, lost her bowels (poor things) and then was taken to the hospital by ambulance. My family tried not to make a spectical of her so they took her to the bathroom while people were getting ready to go.
I was very concerned for her… I even called 911 again when the ambulance was taking too long… but I had to say goodbye to guest who didn’t know this was happening and start cleaning the lodge so we could get to the hospital.
So Zero BM went up to MY FIANCE, who just came to help clean up, and said “Grandma had a stroke and a heart attack and Champange is being so fake and acting concerned.” He was stunned and had no idea what to say.
We cleaned up the lodge, went to the hospital and were releaved to see Grandma doing just fine and it was her heart issue acting up. She stayed for testing but she is home and doing just fine. My FH told me of Zero BM’s comments on our way back from the hospital.
What should I do about this? I am really pissed off and done with her but the other BM is her sister and they are very tight. Zero BM is also PSYCHO! My mom is actually worried about my safety if I say anything because Zero is just that crazy. And since we are a month out, just deal with it then cut ties.
But I am mad. Fuming mad. Can’t sleep mad. And I am sick of everything going wrong with the planning process coming back to her and my other BM.
And wait until I tell you the comments they are telling people about the Bachelorette party… so tacky. But one problem at a time.
I am hoping that just sharing this will be enough for me to move foward. But if you have any advice on how to handle these two let me know… I need it!
Post # 3
I am so sorry you are going through this! What a pain! The last thing you need!
Sounds like this bridesmaid isn’t going to be any help!
I don’t have any good advice, except to try to keep your chin up. You are on the home stretch!!
Post # 4
Given the fact that you are only a month shy of the wedding, I have to agree with your Mother. It might not be the best advice, but that’s what I would do. I would however, tear her a new one after the wedding. Again, this is not exactly sound advice. I don’t understand why she said that though. Where does the fakeness come in? You were concerned for your grandmother and saying goodbye to your guests. I think most people would do the same.
Post # 5
Personally, I would say “see ya” to both of them. Especially if you confront the issue and both of them end up going nuts, just say “Look. I don’t want any drama surrounding that day and if you are saying or even thinking negative thoughts like that about me, then I don’t need you to be by my side.” I can’t believe they would stoop so low as to say you don’t care that your grandma was so sick! That is just insane. If they paid for their dresses already, I’d just pay them back just simply to keep them away.
I know to do that you would have to have nerves of steel and not break down, but you don’t need this. And it sounds like they don’t truly even care if they couldn’t have saved up squat for you this whole entire time.
Sorry lol this stuff gets me heated. People like this get me so irritated because they are just so inconsiderate and rude. Keep us posted on what happens! Good luck *hugs*
Post # 6
When I told my brother her comments, he said she has this thing about saying I am “fake” and “cheesy”. I had NO IDEA she was saying these things had has been since I got engaged, according to my brother. I would have never asked her to be in the wedding if I had know she was saying these things.
Post # 7
Um fake? Why in the world would she say that? Thats a bit weird, if anybody said that to my FI about me I swear I would not let it go and he wouldnt either. Thats such a mean thing to do sorry you are going through this, glad your grandmother is ok
Post # 8
Glad your Grandmother is OK! I’m normally a big advocate of having family members in the bridal party, as friends come and go,but in this case,I’d have to say I agree with removing them. No doubt it will create even more family drama, but its better to get it over with than worry the whole time or be annoyed on the days leading up to your wedding.
Maybe sleep on it for a few days before you decide. Good luck!
Post # 9
Weird, I wonder why she would think you are being fake? ESPECIALLY about the Grandma issue?! Have you had issues in the past, or could she be jealous? I think as horrible as it will be, you should just talk to her as little as possible and deal with her being in the wedding, and then after the wedding just cut it off. Let her know that everyone told you how she was saying things behind your back.
Post # 10
@bloodgo1 – I totally agree with you! They have been INSANELY rude since day one. They lecture me about not having my dad/their uncle walk me down the aisle, how much their dresses cost ($150 and their mom paid for them), using someone other than my Grandma..the sick one… to alter my dress, our open bar being beer and wine only, not inviting my second cousins who I haven’t seen in 15 year, etc.
Oh, and my FSIL asked about the bachelorette, Little Help BM said “This shower broke the bank so we aren’t going to do much so don’t expect much.” THE SHOWER WAS A TEA PARTY AT A PARK LODGE AND MY MOH PAID FOR MOST OF IT!!!
I don’t know who these two girls are but I want my old cousins back.
Post # 11
Honestly I would kick her out, and if her other sister goes so be it. They haven’t bought their dresses so wouldn’t “owe” them anything. I wouldn’t even have them be at the wedding. Your BMZERO is the one being fake, and you really don’t need or want those kind of people around you on your wedding day. Or in your life in general… but with this advice be prepared for cutting them from your life all together. Weddings make crazy people even crazier. I have no idea why, but that is the fact of weddings.
Post # 12
This is tough, because I can see it going one of two ways.
You either kick them out now and have the potential of them being total brats at the wedding & trying to have a pity party b/c the big bad bride was mean to them…Or, keep them and have the potential of them stiring crap on your big day…I feel for you!!!
What I would do is keep them on & try your best to keep your distance. Maybe give them “special” tasks that will keep them/her out of your hair on your wedding day. Have them sit far from you & your husband, and just do your best to ignore.
Post # 13
LOL, I think you can get a lot of revenge on these two. What I’m about to suggest is in no way nice, and won’t secure a good relationship with them. But hey, if you’re cutting ties, you may as well do it with dynomite, right?
I would keep them on as BMs. I would ignore their very existence until the day of the wedding. When you see them for the first time, make some comment like “Is that how you’re wearing your hair?” Then tell them, it’s ok, it looks “good enough.” At the reception, give your MOH her gift. In front of them. Make a HUGE deal out of it. When they look at you strange or ask where their gifts are say something like “Oh, I didn’t want to come off as fake, so I just got you what you deserved…nothing.” Proceed to watch them lose it. Enjoy the moment. (This may work best if it happens at the very end after the cake cutting. Because then they can’t ruin anything…) You may also think about making a toast to the people who have stood by you and really helped you prepare for the wedding and how amazing they are: Mom, Dad, Grandma, MOH, and (now) DH. Leave them out. Make sure you make eye contact when you do this.
If you do all that, you can be sure to have made enemies for life, so if you’re not sure you want to cut ties with them, don’t do it. But if they are toxic friends who are always going to be snarky behind your back, you’ll only drive yourself crazy wondering why. It probably has ZERO to do with you and everything to do with them being jealous. Whatev.
Post # 14
Agree with @Teaserama and Im glad your grandma is ok!!
Post # 15
I really think you need to eliminate this kind of negativity from your wedding day. Anyone that speaks that way about you does NOT deserve to stand next to you while you marry the love of your life. And honestly, this is your WEDDING. I don’t think you should have to “just deal” with anything that you can fix. And if you’re going to cut ties after your wedding, as you indicated, do you really want to look back at your wedding photos and see her face smiling fakely back at you? I would cut Zero BM and if Little Help BM follows her, so be it. You’ll be happier in the end. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Post # 16
Thanks for the Grandma good thoughts! She is doing really well today, thank goodness!
But there are so many conflicting sides! I know I have to say something and I can keep it bottled up knowing I can say it after the wedding. Kicking them out scares me. Like, “for my life” scares me.
Zero BM and Little Help BM have done some CRAZY things for the sake of revenge. Everyone loves these two girls when they are nice. And for the most part, we have been best friends for most of our lives but it’s because I don’t rock the boat. And I have to agree with many of you on the jealousy thing. I don’t like to use that card often but I have to think this is all some sort of jealousy thing.
I think I will keep them in the wedding and drop them like a bad habit the day after.