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Maybe she can't afford to have it hemmed? Last time I was a bridesmaid, it cost me more to have my dress altered than the dress cost. If you offer to split the alterations with her, maybe she'll reconsider. Or maybe someone's mother or grandmother can do the alterations, someone who knows how to sew?
If her dress is long (which it seems like in your post) nobody will be able to see anything but the toes of her shoes anyways so I'm not sure why it matters whether she wears heels or boots. Though I do think its odd that she wants to wear boots with a formal dress? Are the other BMs all getting the same shoes?
And I've never gotten a dress steamed for a wedding I was in.
Okay, I'm 5' so I know how long these dresses can be... She really should get it hemmed. Isn't she worried about tripping over it?
I've never gotten a dress steamed for a wedding though.... Maybe if the bride was offering to pay I would... but I probably wouldn't want to pay for that.
I do think wearing boots is very odd though....
Why does it matter what she wears under her dress? It's not like anyone's going to see her shoes. Getting a bridesmaid dress steamed is NOT a requirement...and if she can't afford to have it hemmed, why not offer to help out?
After reading a zillion posts on difficult BMs, I think you have to pick your battles. And honestly, not steaming a dress and not hemming might not be worth it. Maybe she's trying to gain a little bit of the spotlight by looking different, but in the end, she's not going to succeed--no matter how wrinkled she is and how long her train is--YOU are going to be the star. No matter what. I know it's annoying, but for your sake, just let it go.
I'm 5'0 and I agree with a PP, she is crazy for not getting her dress hemmed! Most of these dresses are meant for ladies who are in in the 5'7-5'10 range. It's not even a matter of looks, how the hell is she going to walk in that thing? If she won't get it hemmed herself you NEED to find another option, either no-sew tape or pay for it yourself.
I agree, though, that you shouldn't worry about getting the dressed steamed. Have her hang it in the bathroom while she takes a hot shower for a couple of days and the wrinkles will come right out.
And the boots.. pick your battles. I say worry more about the dress not being hemmed.
I'm short, so I understand the cost to hem a dress. However, if cost is a factor, I'm thinking she probably should have considered that before. (Although there could be a financial emergency that came up.) My guess is that you think cost isn't the issue.
At 5'1" I doubt she could even find heels high enough to negate the need to hem. (Just my experience, and I'm a couple of inches taller.) I can't blame you for not wanting her to wear boots. Absolutely not. If you didn't care at all about the shoes, fine. But if you have a look you're going for, they need to understand that. I wouldn't encourage one specific shoe, everyone needs to get, because all feet are different. Not everyone will feel in comfy in flats or high heels etc. But if you leave her with a color and general idea of what you'd like, I'd say that's lenient enough and she should stick with it.
As for steaming the dress, IDK. It'll probably get wrinkled as soon as she gets in the car/limo. And if it was something you were expecting her to get done professionally, I'd forget it. I have a steamer at home, so no biggy for me to do stuff like that. If she does too, then I'd certainly recommend that she step up he enthusiasm and want to look nice for the wedding. But I think this is a small blip.
Bottom line: I would tell her, ALL the BMs are having their dresses floor length. (No train thank you. That is for the bride.) And they are all wearing a certain type of shoe. No boots. Say you don't mind a little individuality, but there is a look you are going for, and she needs to follow it.
I guess it depends on the boots. Dressy black boots, sure. Scuffed, chunky heeled work boots, no.
Tell her to get some Stitch Witchery and hemn the damn thing. It's like $5 at JoAnn Fabrics and it will take her 10 minutes.
I second the Stitch Witchery if she doesn't want to get it hemmed. As for the boots, will you see them under the dress? If so, what do they look like? Maybe that is her nicest pair of shoes and she can't afford to buy new ones? Could you offer to pick her up a cheap pair of heels from Target?
Regardless of the fact that you probably won't be able to see the boots and that your BM will look rather silly with (I'm assuming it's wrinkled?? since you mentioned having it steamed) a wrinkled dress, I UNDERSTAND how you must feel right now..Her actions basically indicate the she could care less and she would much prefer to do the exact opposite of what you kindly suggest. As others have said, definitely pick your battles, but I didn't want it to go without being said- that I GET IT!! It's frustrating and hurtful!! Best of luck with everything :)
Money is not the issue. She just dosen't want to. She thinks the "train" looks cool. The dress is wrinkled, all the girls are getting theres hemmed and steamed.
The boots... we plan on doing shoe pictures... she told me it just gives her the ok to buy boots for the winter and her hubby would be cool with it. Im like uhmmmm no.
She is always wanting the attention... Just another one of her many things to piss me off im sure. grr
I would simply say no. You chose to be a BM, you could have said no. In agreeing to be a BM there are certain things I expected. Dresses being uniformed, appropriate footwear, and being clean, neat, and pressed were some of them. Should you choose that these things are not acceptable to you, then by that choice, you have chosen not to be a BM. Simple as that. I don't mean to sound bridezillaish (my girls are wearing whatever they chose, as long as they show up I am fine with it), but it was the first thing my girls asked about was what to wear and what was expected. I mean come on, most of us have been to enough weddings and are adults and we would know better.
Umm...she kind of sounds like she's being a PITA simply for attention - which is not okay at all. If she's concerned with wearing the dress afterward because the train "looks cool" then the Stitch Witchery is a brilliant idea. You could even compromise and tell her that after the ceremony and pictures, she can run to the bathroom, take the Stitich Witchery out (if that's possible) and trip on her train all night long if she wants to.
Honestly, the wrinkled dress thing would really bug me b/c I simply hate all the pictures where the BM gowns are super wrinkled; for me, they're my best girls and I want them lookin' fierce! Women don't run around at events with wrinkled gowns if they can help it, so why is she SO okay with doing it on your wedding day?
I'm so sorry; I'd be soooooooo irritated if I were you!
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Ugh!!
My one bridesmaid is such a pain in the ass. Shes always trying to get the attention etc. Well she just told me she is not getting her dress hemmed. She is 5"1 and her dress is soooo long it just looks weird. The back looks like a train which she thinks is cool. Everyone else got theres hemmed. Im just like omg!
She doesent even on plan on getting it steammed the day of. I just want to smack her. Then she tells me instead of heals she wants to wear boots. OMG
Any suggestions?