My bridesmaids are maybe booted from the rehearsal dinner?! (Venting)

posted 3 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Who would you side with? (Just curious)
    The bridesmaids should be able to come (not be uninvited) : (81 votes)
    98 %
    You're being too demanding about something you shouldn't try to control : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would understand them limiting just friends, but not the bridesmaids! It’s a rehearsal dinner because it follows the rehearsal, and it seems pretty clear that all people involved in the rehearsal would be invited to the dinner. I can’t imagine having a rehearsal and then only allowing some of the people to come to the dinner. I would feel awfully rude. Since it’s only a few people, I hope his family comes around for you. Best of luck!

    Post # 4
    Member
    42510 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Bebealways:  This is ridiculous! The whole point of a rehearsal dinner is to thank the wedding party for both donating their time for the rehearsal and for supporting you in your wedding. A secondary purpose is to ensure that the two families get a  chance to meet before the wedding.

    If the FIL’s can’t afford the meal they are currently planning, they need to scale down so that they can afford to include ALL of the wedding party. If they can’t/won’t do that, then I suggest you and your FI tell them that you are going to host the dinner yourself as it is a non starter to include all the bridesmaids.

    I do think the two of you need to meet in person with the FIL’s to clarify what’s going on as you did say Now I’m hearing that it might be too expensive or not a good setting for them to meet my parents and we should make it “just family


    Is it too expensive? What could possibly be inappropriate about a gastropub as a place to meet?

    Post # 6
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Bebealways:  I am in the same position as you (I’m an only child and my bridesmaids are my sisters and FI has lots of siblings)

    My FILs also offered to host the rehearsal dinner and then tired to dictate who could come. FI and I put our collective FOOT down and just said if they could not host the rehearsal dinner so that everyone who it is appropriate to invite can be there, then we’ll graciously host it ourselves…in our apartment, with pizza. They went back on it quickly and have given in.

    I’m not understanding the whole it not being an appropriate time/place for them to meet your FI’s family. Ah…won’t they meet at the rehearsal???

    You need sit down with your FI and be totally honest with him about how important this is to you. Your in-laws should be able to figure this out with the amount of people who SHOULD be invited and budget accordingly. And if they can’t do it, I’d do it for them. But I am pushy and can be a bitch when it comes to stuff like this 😉

    Post # 7
    Member
    1487 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Bebealways:  I think you need to insist on something more casual then bc you gfs are your family. Have you explained that to his parents? I’m sorry your FI is not supporting you on this.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4511 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Yes, agreed you need to put your foot down! Not only is it extremely rude to uninvite them, but the whole POINT is to thank them for attending the rehearsal and being part of your wedding! Threatening to host it yourself with pizza in your apartment (or wherever) isn’t a bad idea!

    Post # 9
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Unacceptable. Period.  I’d have a pizza party before disinviting or not inviting my bridesmaids (and their SOs, so long as they really are “significant”).

    Post # 10
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    That sounds crazy! I was always under the impression that the rehearsal dinner included the bridal party. I mean, they are the ones rehearsing! I only have one brother who is much older than me, so I definitely understand having friends that are much more like family. I think I would have to insist they be included. Since you offered to pay for your friends, I see no reason why they shouldn’t be able to attend. His parents offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, and that should include ALL of the wedding party! I’m sorry, this is a really crappy situation. But I would definitely stick to your guns on this one!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    WTF? The rehearsal dinner is meant to be for those in the rehearsal.  Not a party thrown by FI’s family for themselves.  That means that the only people who 100% should be there are the bride and groom, their parents, the bridesmaids, and the groomsmen.  It’s nice to also invite bridal party significant others as well as more family members, but the first people to be cut should NOT be the wedding party.  That defeats the whole purpose. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I feel you. My friends are like family too, particularly my MOH. Especially in your situation being overseas – it’s not at all unreasonable for your bridesmaids to be invited to the rehearsal dinner, especially since there’s only four of them. It’s not like you want to bring alone a dozen more. Your side is already small, so you deserve to have some friends.

    I’d put my foot down on this.

    Post # 14
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Bebealways:  I find that with my FI if I give him my perspective and then give him time to think it over, he always comes around. This is truly something I would not back down on with him and his parents. The rehearsal dinner is for BOTH of you and those who are in the wedding and important to you.

    I totally understand wanting (and needing him) to be on your side for this since it concerns HIS family. I was lucky that the only one in my FI’s family not on our side was his stepmother who no one likes so it was easy for me to put my foot down.

    Good luck! Keep us updated 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    42510 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Bebealways:   They don’t even  need to be like sisters to you! Even if you had strangers as your BM’s they absolutely must be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Not to do so, would be a grave error of etiquette and a slap in the face to these women.

    Post # 16
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @julies1949:  +1 This too! Might be something to bring up as well if your FILs are at all concerned with “appearances”. There should not be a rehearsal dinner if those involved in the rehearsal are not invited. 

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