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I think you have to decide what you want. In the last wedding I was in, giving them too many choices or trying to incorporate too many opinions was too much. How many BM's do you have? Can you maybe take the MOH to the store and let her pick and then go with that?
If you already have set wedding colors then I think you tell them that you what color you want them in (or maybe 2 choices). Decide if you want them in strapless or something with straps/sleeves. Set a few parameters and maybe that will help.
They should be there to support you. This is not a shopping trip for their dream dress.
Ugh...I gave my bridesmaids (8 of them) eight choices to pick from. Seven of them had no problem choosing. After a month-long uphill battle, my cousin (the last BM) has RELUCANTATLY chosen one of the 8. After arguing with me that she should be able to pick a different one.
It's impossible to please everyone.
I can't believe your BM's are being nasty. When I was my sister's MOH and I didn't like a dress I would start each comment with "Well, I will wear whatever you want me to, but I don't love _____" and then not say something nasty. Constructive feedback!
You might just have to tell them to suck it up. Especially if the dress you pick isn't expensive it shouldn't be a big deal.
You'll never make all of them happy. This is one of those situations where it's your wedding and your decision. Just pick one that doesn't look horrible on anyone. Honestly, though, with that huge of a difference in sizes it might be really hard to do just one dress. Possible, but difficult.
Mine range in size from 0-12 and I chose two that would work for everyone. Some girls were happy with whatever I chose, others were more picky. But I am sticking to those two and going with whichever one the majority chooses.
Oh my gosh!! I'm having the same exact problem. I really thought everyone would be happier if I let them have input, but it's just made things more complicated. I finally decided that I would pick my top 4 favorites, and they can choose from those 4. I hope things work out with your bridesmaids!!
if i were you, i'd go with the cheapest of the dresses that you like, and tell them to suck it up and buy it. i feel like price should be the only thing that keeps them from being able to buy a dress. it's your wedding, you get to pick. for their wedding, they can decide.
by the way, this is the dress we chose from Davids Bridal that fit well on all 6 of my girls from a size 2 to a size 14. I even had my MOH who is 8 months pregnant try on the dress and it looked great on her. 
I have always like the look of each bm in a diff dress that suits her figure In a colour that suits her complexion. As long as the length and pallette are the same.
I agree thats not cool of your BM's!! Its your wedding, they should just STFU and go with the dress you pick. Granted I now have easy bridesmaids, they are very cool with everything I've picked. ok well except that one that got kicked off the bridesmaid list, lol, but she killed our friendship, and she didn't like the dresses i picked, lol. Thats not why shes not a bridesmaid, but still....
The last wedding I was in (the ex friends as a matter of fact....) I not only wore an ugly dress, but it was in this hideous shade of purple (i hate hate hate hate hate purple), but I said hey, its your wedding, I will wear what you pick. The dress is so bad i can't even sell it....ugh!
I wish I could be more help, but maybe if you say you know it would mean a lot to me if you picked one of these dresses, since its my wedding.....or say it nicer than that, i'm not good at saying things nicely without hurting other peoples feelings,lol....I'm just really direct......so hopefully that helps a tiny bit....
People are just so tacky. They're acting like it's their wedding.
I just took my MOH and one of my 6 BMs to shop. We picked the dress, they tried it on and said they liked it and the price was reasonable and I informed the other BMs. Not one of them said anything negative. Your girls are totally missing the point of the day.
You should make an executive decision and pick one and go with it. Or, if the shop can do this: pick the dress fabric and color and see if the girls could pick the style that works for them.
I made it easy for myself: told the girls to find something black and semi-formal.. then they all got what they wanted!
But I agree that your BMs need to just deal with whatever you throw at them - it's your wedding!
I'd say pick 2 dresses and tell them they MUST pick from those 2..
mmm that's tough..i ended up going with my MOH and 1 of my bridesmaids, and i had in mind what I wanted them to wear, so we picked out a dress and the other girls ended up agreeing to it..
i think you just kind of need to pick it yourself or decide on which ones you want them to wear just because it's so hard with the different opinions, it's ultimately your decision..good luck!!!
One of my sister's is giving me a tough time about this too, so I understand your frustration. I've gotten to the point where I just said I realize this is a dress and color you would not pick out for yourself, but I'd appreciate it if for this one day you can just wear the dress I choose. If you try to make everyone happy, you'll go nuts.
I'm really really not a fan of just telling people to buy a dress without them being able to try it on. The BMs may say they don't like this or that picture online, but no one has any clue what it will really look like on the girls themselves. I say take them all shopping and say "we're picking something today". Then whatever looks halfway decent on everyone, that's what you get. They don't have to LOVE the look, but they do have to feel like they won't be totally embarrassed because the dress will show obscene amounts of cleavage or reveals that unfortunately embarrassing tattoo or something. My advice would be don't look for what websites say about universally flattering styles, go to a salon and see for yourselves what looks good.
Agree that you should have a few girls try on the dresses - something that looks flattering online can be deceiving - e.g., the material may be lower quality or the neckline could be bad!! I know alot of bigger busts don't work well in bridesmaid dresses that are also strapless (but non bridesmaid strapless are fine).
The path I took was to show dresses to my MOH and we narrowed them down to 5. Then I took my MOH and 1 bridesmaid who I knew would be completely honest to try on those 5. It worked out well because one is short, the other tall and they have different body types. The 3 of us sorted out the dresses and narrowed it down to 1 that we all absolutely loved. I know as brides we try to please everyone but it's impossible! If you want their opinions, get the opinion of a few, but you will drive yourself crazy trying to please everyone and take everyone's opinion into consideration.
id tell them to suck it up or they dont have to be in it. They should feel honored to be a part of your special day no matter what they wear.
With those attitudes, I would find the dress you like the most, that they dislike the most and make them wear it! But thats the crappy side of me.
Just find a flattering material for all.
I would give them at least five choices, and have them rate each dress from 1 to 10, then add up the scores and see which dress is the winner, if not this could go on forever. It's your wedding after all, and I think when accepting to be a bridesmaid you kind of have to go with the flow. I've done that when I've been a maid, and my BMs reassured me that whatever I picked was fine, that they trusted me. And remind them that you do want them to look nice, but that it is difficult when you want everyone to match and that you're trying to do your best.
@mrs mossman, i have 9 bridesmaids, also getting married in cleveland, ohio, almost exactly one month before you, and we have no picked a bridesmaid dress yet for the same reason! they are all amazing and i want them to be happy, but it's getting to the point where we need to order them soon and i still haven't been able to find a complete common ground.
where are you looking for your girls? are you thinking long or short? all my girls liked short dresses more, but i think i'm still imposing long, maybe strapless too, because we're having a pretty formal wedding. still haven't made a choice though...
i feel your pain girl!
@mrs mossman, i have 9 bridesmaids, also getting married in cleveland, ohio, almost exactly one month before you, and we have no picked a bridesmaid dress yet for the same reason! they are all amazing and i want them to be happy, but it's getting to the point where we need to order them soon and i still haven't been able to find a complete common ground.
where are you looking for your girls? are you thinking long or short? all my girls liked short dresses more, but i think i'm still imposing long, maybe strapless too, because we're having a pretty formal wedding. still haven't made a choice though...
i feel your pain girl!
O that sux really bad...I didn't have this problem I picked what I liked and that was it...
I have this exact same problem! Ugh! One BM doesn't want anything to do with the shopping process, she wants me to chose, but everything I've picked she's disliked! My MOH refused to even try dresses on when we went shopping as a group! My other BM HATES everything I throw out. She had the nerve to say that she doesn't like the color I chose for everyone to wear (navy blue) and that she'd decided to get a gray shirt dress to wear! WTF?! We had words. People are F---ing crazy! Some people will never, ever like anything you pick out, even if you give them 50 different dresses to chose from.
Soluton is: cut your bridal party down and then choose a dress that looks good on all of them.. whoever protests, is out. It's your wedding, not theirs. Whoever isn't cooperative deserves to be left out of it. I've never ever dared throwing a fit over what BM dress I was supposed to wear (because it wasn't my wedding!). So... I don't tolerate a different treatment.
Jeepers. As a multi-time bridesmaid whose been forced to wear some hideous and ridiculously expensive dresses, I absolutely understand them not all agreeing on what you've picked out. Especially with such a range of sizes. Why not just choose a color and let them pick what they want? Most bridesmaids dresses are pretty interchangeable anyway, if you have them in the same color it will look plenty matchy-matchy. Unless you're paying for the dress, in which case I guess they get what they get. Isn't it more important to have those who are dear to you there and mildly happy about it than to force them all into the same dress that might make a lot of them unhappy?
I agree with frugal faye. Brides need to be a bit more flexible on this dress scenario. I'm horrified about suggestions to cut down your bridal party based on body type. I realize that some groups will never completely agree on a single dress but ultimately if you care about your bridal party then you should at least put them in something they feel comfortable in. Many brides are focusing on the point that their friends should feel "honored" to be in the wedding but they are forgetting that brides should be honored that their friends are willing to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress/shoes they will never wear again in order to fullfill the bride's specific vision of the wedding.
It's their job to wear it, smile and agree with you when you say, "oh you can even wear it again!" even if they hate it. They aren't being very nice or supportive and I would pick what you like that you believe looks best on everyone color and cut wise, and just let them know. I picked a color and told mine they could pick any style from the specific store as long as it came in my chosen color. Something like that might go over better. Good luck!
Have they just complained about your choices, or have they selected options or offered help? I don't agree that it is their job to wear whatever you pick even if they hate it, unless you are also paying for it. to ask someone to wear something they hate, look terrible in, and spend money to do so...I personally don't think that's fair. BUT...they should offer solutions and not just complaits. Why not see what they come up with, and if they don't come up with anything, THEN you just pick and say "this is it".
I'm in the same boat - three bridesmaids size 0 petite to 16 tall. I picked a basic cut - strapless flared knee-length in pale lime green, and of course they all hate it. "16 Tall" of course wanted to pick her own dress and went window shopping with one of the other BMs - behind my back. I found out when the other one showed me pictures on her camera. When I freaked, they suggested they get whatever dress they wanted in one of my colors or black.
First of all, black is not one of my wedding colors, and not something that goes with an outdoor daytime garden event. Second, nothing against people who choose to have their BMs in different dresses, but it's just not what I'm into. I haven't asked my BMs to do anything except buy their matching shoes at payless and come with me to three wedding dress appointments. I'm not a bridezilla. I've worn BM dresses that I either never wore again, or wore to a costume party, so I didn't think it was so unforgivable that I ask my three closest friends to wear a dress for only a few hours of one day. Who knew.
Now I'm thinking of paying for half of each dress - if not the entire cost, since they hate it so much. "16 Tall" went so far as to tell me that she's throwing away the dress immediately after the wedding, or else giving it back to me, because that's how much she hates it.
I wanted a more cohesive look too, but have a size 20 (and now pregnant!!!) MOH, a size 8 and a size 6 BM. So I just told them, 'Get a long satin marine dress from David's' and let that be it. Still waiting to see what they each pick out... :) MOH will be ordering fabric from David's and having it made, since they only offer maternity in Jersey now, and I'm not going to make the others wear jersey...
goodness. i'm glad i had nothing quite that bad. i sent some pictures of what i was going for dress-wise out to my 6 bridesmaids for their input. i had your typical "i like that one better" "don't like how short that is" "that's too plain" "i don't like this part" responses. it was both helpful and frustrating. i'm thankful that they were polite but i was a bit overwhelmed with trying to find a dress or 2 dresses that everyone would love. so finally i took the main considerations and went dress shopping with my MOH. i think we found a dress and no one has said anything about it so i'm going with it.
it's a bit difficult making sure everyone is happy while also trying to avoid juggling 20 different opinions.
I have to agree with frugal faye too. Unless you're willing to pay for the dress, I think that your BMs should have some say in the dress so that they don't feel uncomfortable or feel like they're wasting money for something they will never wear again. That being said, I'm also a big proponent of BMs proactive in the dress selection. Every time I've been a BM, I've gone with the bride to pick out the dress just so I can get my input in, and so she can see how dresses fit rather than her just picking out a pretty dress online that looks horrible on. If your BMs aren't willing to work with you on the situation, then that's another story. I think trying dresses on is really important for both sides--sometimes the bride thinks something will be awesome when it's not and sometimes the BMs think something will be hideous and it's not. Also, since your BMs are so different in size, it may be hard to find a dress that's flattering on all of them, so I would keep that in mind and maybe be open to having mismatched BMs. It's an honor for them to have been asked to be your BMs, but it's also an honor for you that they accepted, so I think both sides should work together to find something that works.
Honestly, it is your wedding so it is your choice. You are obviously trying to make everybody happy and they are just trying to make you miserable. When they agreed to be BM's they knew that meant paying for a dress of your choice and all of the other stuff that comes along with it. I dont feel that because they are paying they get to pick or even have a say. It would be nice to get their input but only if they are going to give you constructive critism and not make it all about them. Its collaborative and they should work together and give you some ideas but you get the final say. I have 6 BM's and all of them have told me "Its your wedding so its your choice. You can not please us all so pick what you want. We will deal with it" And I am sooooo happy that they said that. They may complain a little here and there in fun but never seriously.
David's Bridal has dresses that match in color but are different for different body types. Is that not ok with you or them? I would not complain on a dress to an extent, but you have some really different sizes there and there is no way a size 20 will be comfortable in the same thing that looks good on a size 2.
I think it is the BM's job to be supportive however, I do not agree with ruling with an iron fist just because it is your wedding. I only had 2 BMs at my wedding and they both had the same body shape.
In my sister's wedding (I'm the MOH - which is why I'm here) there are 4 BM's & our cousin had size E (or something breasts) and was a size 2 everywhere else. We knew picking all strapless wouldn't work for her - and it would be downright wrong for her to be forced into that style! Lucky for us she had a breast reduction! lol...but I am not a size 2 and there are styles that are so unflattering I would be incredibly uncomfortable.
Nothing looks worse than a wedding photo with a bunch of unflattering dresses. I would definitley look at David's Bridal, pick the color and the length and see if that works.
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They range in size 2-20 and no matter what dress ideas I send out there, SOMEONE has something negative or nasty to say about the pricing, color, cut, etc.
I really had my heart setting on finding all one dress, or at least 2 to split them up in, but I'm beginning to think it is hopeless :(
Anyone else have this problem? Did you come up with a solution other than everyone wearing a different dress?