Post # 1
We’ve planned our wedding within about eight months so it’s all been a bit busy and stressful. We were about to book the honeymoon a number of months ago when one of my bridesmaids announced she wanted to go on a trip before myself and another mutual friend got married this year (it comes across that she thinks she’ll never see us again after our big days). I was essentially guilted into going by the mutual friend. My fi wasn’t too happy as it put financial pressure on us and postponed us booking the honeymoon. We had always made clear our exact plans for a twin destination hmoon beach/city to my moh.
Fast forward to present day – the mutual friend backed out of the girls trip as she has suddenly realised she has to pay off her wedding. I got angry at her as she expected us to pay her part for accom in her absence! It was hard enough to afford the trip. I was frustrated with the other two ladies (my bridesmaids) for not understanding this. I perhaps made the mistake of mentioning just how much over budget we were at the time (we’ve since changed a few things) to one of the girls. We had a stressful week of trying to figure out what to do about the added expense. It was more stressful for me as once again I had just been getting around to organising the honeymoon, and well you know coming up to the wedding there’s a lot of bills to be paid!
During this time apparently my moh and the other bridesmaid (who are both single) started talking about organizing another trip (without mentioning it to me) as obviously the drama from myself and the other bride was ‘putting a downer’ on the original trip (which is still going ahead).
It’s a trip I happen to know very well as its the city part of my honeymoon I’ve discussed at length with my moh. So without telling me she, my other bridesmaid and two other single friends booked to go to the city the same time my husband and I will be there and they’re staying 10 mins walk away in the same neighborhood.
I found out by running into my moh’s mother a few hours after I payed the deposit on my honeymoon! I’m not angry just well completely baffled!! They both have big birthdays this year so I can understand them wanting to mark it, but I can’t understand them deciding to essentially book onto my honeymoon. In a way its lovely as we have 2wks of sun before we hit the city so it will be nice to maybe meet up for a meal or have company for a few of the girly things my fi doesn’t want to do. I’m going to make the best of it.
What I don’t understand is the underhandedness of it all. I can’t quite get it. Also one of the bridesmaids has made terrible comments when I talk about having children (which she knows may be difficult for us). Quote ‘meh I mean babies who the @#*¥ cares’
I really love these women but in the run up to the wedding their behaviour is getting more and more bizarre.
Post # 2
I don’t see the big deal. You booked a hotel room, not an entire city.
Post # 3
I think you need to chill out. You don’t own the city. Your bridesmaids can take a trip wherever they want to go.
Post # 4
hmm…it’s odd that your concerns about budget led them to book an initial trip if any of their concern had to do with money. Did it? Anyway while it’s annoying that you were pressured into going on the trip by the friend who backed out (grr!) I do think that their choice of location isn’t a big deal. It sounds like you have larger concerns about their behavior.
Post # 5
I doubt your single friends want to play tag-a-long on your honeymoon. Unless you rented out the entire city, worry about something that actually matters.
Post # 6
Redd6: I bet the places a loved-up honeymoon couple will want to visit will not be the same places two single girls will spend time in! I’m sure you guys won’t even run into each other.
Post # 7
I’m sorry what? while no you don’t own the city there are also millions of other places they could have picked to go. it’s kinda a slap in the face to go to the same place and be all look at us together being single and having fun without you, i mean I would be kinda hurt if all my friends planned a vaca specifically when I couldn’t go. Not to mention to the same place. I don’t know that’s super strange to me but I find your entire story a bit confusing.
Post # 8
I’ll try and unconfuse things. The girls who’s making comments about ‘babies who cares’ etc admitted she forced the girls vacation as she felt left out (with two of us getting married) and wanted some attention on her.
They’ve also said that they booked the second vacation as myself and the other to be bride’s worries about finance and talk of weddings ‘put a downer on things’ for the original vacation.
We saved for four years for our honeymoon and the wkend we’re going is a specific holiday wkend so we’re liable to want to go to the same types of places. They knew all this. Their hotel is within the. same neighborhood. We wanted to upgrade to a nicer hotel but don’t think we can now as its 1 min away from them.
BWLE you got exactly how I’m feeling. It’s like they’re saying ‘you’re joining the married clu.b so are no longer invited to things, we’ll go behind your back and plan an awesome trip and you’ll find out about it from someone you barely know’ It is a bit of a slap in the face when my family and ourselves are spending nearly $1000 on each of them to be in my wedding. The fact they’ve chosen to go ‘on the honeymoon’ I just think is a bit weird as if I was single its the last thing I’d want to do. Unless they want to do the whole throw it in our face thing?!
I not unhappy they’re going, its a great place. It’s just there are 51 more wks in the year and x number of years to come! Why when we’re on hmoon?!
I’ve asked a few of my married friends about this and they said they’re single friends acted oddly when they got married too. They also said we’re well within our rights to tell them to leave us alone and turn around and leave if they walk into the same place we’re at!
Post # 9
They are not “going on the honeymoon” unless they too are planning to have marital relations with your husband! Yes you could snub them if you should end up in the same resturant/attraction. Would that help? Would it make you feel better?
Post # 10
Can you rebook your honeymoon to a different location?
I think it’s really weird for your friend to secretly book a vacation at the exact same time and place as your honeymoon. Especially if she has a history of causing drama and making things all about her. If you can’t change your honeymoon location I would suggest not mentioning ANYTHING to the friend about knowing her vacation spot and just Ignore the whole situation. if they end up bringing it up and asking you to meet up during the honeymoon, decline and say, “Sorry, since it’s our honeymoon I want to spend the whole vacation with my fiancé!” If this is all just a big coincidence/totally harmless choice in your friend’s part, she’ll be ok with this. If she really did plan to cause some drama or weirdness, you refusing to meet up with her should foil her plans.
Post # 11
Observer you only get one honeymoon. I’m not wanting to snub anyone. I’m more worried about what underlies their behaviour than them actually being there.
Post # 12
Ohnatto thanks, I think doing our own thing is probably the best option, I don’t want to have to change all our plans as we’ve wanted to go there from the start.
Post # 13
I think it’s completely rude of them to do that to you! Yes you don’t own the city but still they could’ve went anywhere else! That would have made me sooo mad! If they knew your plans AND planned this without you knowing then they obviously want to meet up with you and spend time with you on your honeymoon. It’s YOUR honeymoon and it’s YOUR special time with your new husband they shouldn’t have done that. They could’ve at least booked some other week or some other place. In my opinion that’s very selfish on their part.. I’m so sorry:/ maybe if you told them how you felt it would help them see and change their minds? And if they continue to be selfish they I would just avoid and ignore them..
Post # 14
It’s really bad but even though I know they’ve been a bit selfish and rude – I’m not actually upset as I’m still having an awesome wedding and honeymoon and marrying the man I love, I’m excited about the future. It’s weird if they think anything would change that . . .
I think I’m gonna have to have a conversation with them and ask them what on earth is going on with them. That one minute we’re the best of friends and the next minute I’m out in the cold know nothing and they’re trying to make a scene.
Post # 15
Redd6: I do think talking with them will really help