(Closed) My brother in law apparently hates me.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just ignore him.  That’s probably the best way to go about it.

Post # 4
8696 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Take the high road, ignore him, and while you are at it: delete/block him on fb.

Post # 6
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CorvusCorax:  “At least my husband said he stood up for me when his brother started insulting  me behind my back for no reason.”

That’s the main thing. Sometimes you can’t avoid having snarky relatives, but so long as Darling Husband stands up for you it should be ok.

Post # 7
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh, this situation rubs me the wrong way.  Sounds like the BIL has some serious issues that have nothing to do with you 🙁  

Post # 8
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Your BIL needs to deal with his own issues – despite what he says, you don’t have anything to do with it… except for the fact he could be jealous his brother has a happy marriage and his failed.

Just remember you’re married to your husband, not him, as silly as that sounds. I have two dropkick BIL’s (one of which has moved in with us temporarily *SIGH*) but I just have to keep reminding myself I got the pick of the bunch!

Post # 9
561 posts
Busy bee

Number 2 pretty much sums up why he “hates you”. He is being over emotional because you remind him of someone he doesn’t like.I think we all had feelings like this before (but maybe didn’t show it). He is not being rational right now, and would probably not react like this if he wasn’t divorced and had such a bad experience. However, that doesn’t justify his behavior, he should just suck it up. I would probably also ignore him for now, because he has so many issues in his own life. The only thing that counts is that your husband doesn’t get influenced by the BS he is saying! And it looks like he doesn’t. Right now you can probably only give it time-if he cooles down in a few months you know that it wasn’t your fault, but only the resemblence to his ex. If he still hates you then you know he is not worth the time! 

Also: he might also be jealous of his brother for having a succesful marriage (something he didn’t have) and for having an attractive wife. Because after all, he was once attracted to his ex so he prob. doesnt find you too shabby either;)

Post # 10
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your BIL may be feeling a little bit territorial, especially since he just met you and you are already family basically. I would ignore anything he says and take the high road. Kill with kindness, let it roll off your back. Remember: it is his issue, not yours. And I saw that you said your husband did defend you, and that’s the important part! I know it really sucks to have family issues like this, especially over nonsensical things that aren’t even issues, but you really do have to remember that this is your BIL’s issues and not yours.

Post # 11
16 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

When I got engaged my brother flipped because he didn’t get to meet my Fiance before the proposal. I am very close to my brother but we live on the opposite sides of the continent from eachother so meeting before was a little tricky.

Anyways, he calmed down after a while and now my Fiance and him really get along. It was the initial shock to his system that he wasn’t included in such a big decision in my life… Your BIL may be going throught the same thing. I say be nice and give him some time.

The issues he has with you seem to have nothing to do with you directly. He needs to make peace with it. Sounds like he’s jealous, and maybe feels alone

Post # 12
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Distance yourself from him and take everything with a pinch of salt until he can behave like a  human being. I wouldnt delete him off FB just adjust you settings so you dont see any of his updates (did this with my SIL) deleting him may just give him fuel to bitch about you more.

Post # 13
487 posts
Helper bee

I agree with a PP that as long as your husband is standing by you, it might be better to just ignore him.  It really does sound like there is something more going on here that probably has little to do with you.

Post # 15
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@CorvusCorax:  It’s possible that he is still carrying around scars from it since it can be a really hard thing for some people to move on from unscathed. Just because he’s remarried doesn’t mean it didn’t traumatize him in some way. It’s possible that you do remind him of her in some way and that is why he’s flipping out (he vocalized that, but it’s possible it isn’t bull and is actually legitimate for him). But again, his issue, not yours, and definitely not something that would make your husband think twice about you.

Post # 16
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just ignore him. Eventually he’ll move on and grow up… Hopefully!

Good luck with your upcoming wedding!

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