Post # 1
My brother and his girlfriend have gone ring shopping together and now he’s seriously looking at buying a ring soon and proposing within the next three months. I should be happy for them, but I’m selfish and mean and I just feel upset and jealous. My brother and his girlfriend are both 21, neither is done with school, and they’re not financially stable. He is a junior and will graduate May 2011. She went to college and dropped out after a few semesters.
I like her alot, I really do, but I just don’t understand why they’re getting engaged now. A few weeks ago they were seriously fighting so it’s just very weird and IMO bad timing.
My SO and I have been together a year and five months, own a house, two nice cars, and he’s graduated with a full-time great job. I graduate in May and I have a full-time position lined up for after graduation. I don’t even think we’re ready to get engaged. (I’d like to finish school, get into my new position and get my CPA first.) Yet, this news just really upsets me. 🙁 I wish I was happier for them…
Post # 3
There could be a couple of reasons why you are upset. The first being that you are concerned about your brother and want to make sure he is making the best decision for himself. I think that’s pretty normal and OK for you to feel that way, just remember that it is his decision and ultimately not up to you. Try to be happy for him, even though you might disagree with their timing. The second reason is more complicated. You say you & your SO aren’t ready to be engaged yet, but that you feel you all are very stable, etc. Could it be that subconsciously your brother’s engagement makes you insecure about your own relationship and the fact that your SO hasn’t proposed yet? Even though you’re not necessarily ready doesn’t mean that you don’t have the desire for him to express to you that he IS. (Bear with me, I know I’m getting slightly psychoanalytic lol) I think it’s perfectly normal for you to feel that way as well. Those were just a couple of ideas off the top of my head from what you stated. At any rate, just try as hard as you can to at least ACT like you’re happy for them, so it doesn’t take away from his excitement, and hopefully you can get to the bottom of your feelings in the process!
Post # 4
i have two thoughts.
1. just because you’re in school doesn’t nec. mean you’re not ready to get engaged. my bf and i are both still in school, and we plan on getting married dec 2011. we’ve told our parents, and our families, and now we’re just waiting until he wants to propose. everyone has a different timeline, and maybe they feel it’s the right place for them.
2. on the other hand, if they just got over a serious fight, it could be possible that that is the motivation. a lot of time a huge fight will spur fear, and they jump into it for the wrong reasons, because they’re afraid to be alone. especially if they’re young…
Post # 5
I guess the only thing that you can do is be supportive…I know that it sucks…to be supportive to someone you love when you think they are doing the wrong thing…(my brother had a gf who cheated on him…broke up with him…and then wanted him back…and he went back like a puppy dog…) that was over a year and a half ago and they are now still together. They are also still in college. She came to spend last easter with us…it was hard but all of us managed to stay civil. the worst part is that she broke up with him the day before we were all supposed to meet her when we went out of state to drop him off at college for the year. So we witnessed his breakdown first hand…and I was the first person that he told. SO just deep breaths and just try to get over the feelings you are having now…and just try to be happy for them.
Post # 6
You have to let people make their own decisions and not let your jealousy (it’s just fine to be a little jealous IMO, youre human) take over. I know it’s hard, especially because you think that you’re more ready than them, but you (1) cannot know whether or not they’re ready to be engaged, or whether it will work out, and (2) are not in charge of that decision, whether your opinion is right or wrong. Just concentrate on your own relationship, and hopefully your bro and his gf will be there to celebrate your engagement soon. You do think you’re ready soon, right? Otherwise, being on a wedding site might not be the best idea, not to say we don’t want you here, but it would make me a little crazy lol.
On the other hand congrats on graduating in May! I read on your profile, you’re only 19, and you already are graduating (before your 21 year old bro) and have a job lined up (when there aren’t a lot of jobs!)! Thats an accomplishment, I hope your family is excited for you! I’m 20 and graduating also but have to take a few summer classes! And although I have a job now that I can do full time, no “permanent” job lined up yet! Good job!! Celebrate that for now!! 🙂 🙂
Post # 7
Yeah, sometimes I wonder if being on WeddingBee is a good idea but I really like the advice I get. 🙂 I’m the only one of my friends in a serious relationship and the only one to ever live with a guy so it’s hard to bounce things off them. I mostly read the relationship board.
After talking to my brother (which was cool since we rarely talk) I’m feeling alot better about it. He wants to propose soon but not get married until they’re more stable. She feels the same, but wants to be engaged. I’m not quite sure what the exact reasoning is for them wanting to be engaged but I think it’s good that they’ve really thought it out. Even though he’s my older brother, I still worry about him, lol, I just want the best for him. And I guess since he IS older, it’s okay if he gets married first, lol.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and great advice, as always!