Post # 1
I don’t usually talk about family drama, but I am worried about my older brother. He is 30, no job, no girlfriend. He is in the yard of my parents house drinking a cheap bottle of port and is drunk and angry. My mum told me he has been drinking every week and has stolen my father’s expensive liquor and vintage wines. He even drank two bottles of wine from the spare fridge that were mine, and acted unusual and distant when I approached him about it.
I love him but I am so worried. He wastes his payments on alcohol and drinks on his own. He has friends but if he sees them he still drinks. He has never been an alcoholic and he is on antidepressants for a mental disorder and I know it affects his medication.
I don’t know how to help and I find it so hard to relate to him. He acts standoffish towards me and my mum believes it’s because my life is falling together, but I never want him to feel that way about me. He is outside in the cold alone and is angry. He won’t come inside and he is mad. Sometimes I hate how alcohol impacts people’s lives. I know he is a good person but he needs help and won’t get it even if he is pushed and encouraged. My parents have given us so much support but my poor mum is getting tired of supporting a man who is aggressive when drunk. It’s becoming a regular thing 🙁
This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by MrsBlackCat.
Post # 2
That’s so sad 🙁 He needs help. Do you think he realizes that he has a drinking problem? If he’s seeing a mental health professional they can provide resources if they know about it.
Post # 3
spiffanee: it is so hard to say 🙁 I would say he knows he does if he has to steal other people’s alcohol because he has no money left each week. I have tried to talk to him about it and he says he is doing well and there are no problems. I think my parents are unsure of what to say to him about this apart from always asking if he is okay.
I confronted him about the wine subtly by asking if he knew if my parents had it while I’ve been away and he admitted he had it because he ran out of alcohol. He said sorry and talked to me about it calmly but I didn’t feel that he thought what he has been doing is bad.
Post # 4
He sounds like he has an alcohol problem. My step mum was an alcoholic and sadly there is very little you can do to help until the alcoholic admits it to themselves. Sadly my step mumwas never able to admit it. My dad did however find that a lot of alcohol support groups and charities offer support, help and advice to people in yours and your parents situation. Also, I am assuming that if your brother doesn’t think he has a problem he may not have told his therapist about the drink. Is there anyway anybody can contact the therapist to make them aware? I’d like to think a good therapist would then be able to help without necessarily letting on that they were contacted about it.
Post # 5
I would recommend you go to an al anon meeting. They’re for family & friends of problem drinkers.
Post # 6
MrsBlackCat: sassy411: I second the AI anon meeting for family members. It will help you communicate with him and will give you tools on how you can help him. It will also help you with dealing with your own issues related to his drinking.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
1. Your parents need to lock up their booze so he no longer has access to it. If he breaks the lock then it would be a good idea to take the collectibles somewhere else for safekeeping.
2. Violence is never allowable. HIs welcome wore out the moment he started getting agressive or violent with family.
3. Definitely check out Al-anon for support. Right now you and your parents are enabling him to act this way by not making treatment his only option. It’s tough but with the help of Al-anon you can figure out how to really help him or distance yourself from his behavior.
4. Make getting treatment his only option if he wants to remain living with family. Until it’s his only option, he is most likely not going to accept any treatment.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON
My sister is a closet alcoholic! She stays up all night by herself and drinks and plays Zynga poker! She does this every single night and then she sleeps all day. If she goes out for dinner she will not drink even if others do because she prefers to drink later at night. She doesn’t really think she has a problem because when she wakes up she doesn’t crave a drink. She has around 7-9 beers every single night and she has been doing this for at least 4 years now. She has a bf and he doesn’t nag her about it or try to help her because he feels she is an adult and can do what she wants! She says if/when they get married and if they decide to have a kid, she will have a reason to stop. I don’t think my sister will ever be able to have kids because I don’t think she can stop drinking, she is just wasting her life away. I want to help her but I don’t know how! I may go to an al anon meeting to see if they can give some advice. I have an Aunt who passed away at 52 due to drinking every day, I don’t want this to be my sister’s fate!
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON
MrsBlackCat: Alcohol can do bad things to people! Some people just can’t handle it and should not be drinking. I am sorry you are going through this.
Post # 10
You said he was on anti-depressants, and it sounds like he is self-medicating with alcohol to deal with his depression and/or other issues. Other than trying to reach out to him and suggest he get help, there’s not much you can do for him until he decides he wants to do something for himself. I second the al-anon meetings for you and your mother. I’m sorry you are going through this–it seems like he is very unhappy with his life and is dealing with that unhappiness by drinking. Alcoholics and people suffering from depression will push their loved ones away because of the guilt and shame. Just let him know you’re there when he’s ready to change–as hard as it is for you to see him like this, he has to be the one to decide to change his own life or it won’t happen.
Post # 11
Thank you all for commenting. I’m sorry I haven’t replied for a few days, things have been really up and down.
Good news (sort of) is that he gave the money back to my parents that he owed and also replaced the drinks he stole from me. He has been talking in small amounts and hasn’t been aggressive. But something I am concerned about is that my mother rang me and said he hasn’t been home much and she is worried he is at the local pub.
He didn’t get a loan for the money, but he was able to get some of his disability payments early which is somewhat good that he could give the money back to my parents, but not good as in if he loses his money or wastes it on booze he won’t have any for weeks.
I have firmly talked to my parents about counselling (for my brother at least) and making it a priority and they said they are going to discuss it. To me that isn’t good enough because it needs to be something he does, not something he has an option to choose to do. I don’t have to live with him each day so it isn’t as hard for me, but I am concerned for my parents 🙁