Post # 1
I would really like some feedback on this issue. Im getting married in 4 months and it’s a big family wedding. My brother proposed to his Girlfriend this past Saturday. They just had a baby 3 months ago. They said they were thinking of getting married and wanted to make sure i was OK with the timing.. they would iike to get married at the end of August or September. I was really uncomfortable about the question but i was very honest and said i would perfer they get married after our wedding. There is the obvious in that i really want this time to be special for me but more importantly, I think it’s asking so much of our friends and family to go to both weddings so close to one antoher after they’ve all given to the baby via all of the showers, gifts and christening plus what they well spending for our wedding.
Of course, because i was honest with how i felt, she is completely devistated and they can’t understand why i am being this way and they are shocked that i would have this reponse. It’s now a really big deal for them and they will now wait until 2014 (2 years) to get married because she won’t get married in 2013 beause of “13”, and i’m basically the grinch who stole everything from them.
I feel like this whole thing is unfair because they asked me…. and i told them…. i feel like i was set up.
Any feedback would be great, i really hate what’s going on.
Post # 3
I dont understand why they cant get married later in the year. And she is insane for not wanting 2013.
They are doing it to themselves. I have this HORRENDOUS feeling if my SO and i get engaged first, his brother will follow suit quickly, and i know his Girlfriend wants a wedding the same time of year as me. Hopefully they dont do that or i will feel the same as you.
So you were right to state your feelings. I dont really think its polite to get married that quickly and so close to your wedding.
Post # 4
Maybe I’m in the minority but I don’t understand why it’s a problem for them to get married 2 months before you. I know you think it’s a lot to ask of guests to come to both but guests can make their own choices of what they’re comfortable with, IMO.
Post # 5
@hardtoconcentrate: If you’re in the minority, then I’m with you.
I’m someone who thinks you get one day. I realize that it’s your brother and the same family members will be attending both weddings, but it’s not like they’re getting married a week before you…it’s 2 months. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
Post # 6
If you have explained to them your reasons why you’re not happy as you have above I cannot understand why they think you’re being unreasonable?
If they want to wait til 2014 because they cannot comprehend getting married in a year that ends in 13 then thats their issue and nothing to do with you.
If the shoe were on the other foot I am sure that they would be upset with you too. I think its your brother and his fiance that are being unreasonable in this situation not you.
And it also begs the questions as why they even bothered to ask you in the first place if they were just going to make you feel guilty about the response.
Post # 7
Well, they shouldn’t have asked if they weren’t going to be satisfied with the answer. I do think it would have been better to raise your concerns about the guests’ costs, without stating that they should wait. That way they could decide for themselves. I don’t really think it’s right to tell another couple when they can get married, esp. when it’s two months, rather than two weeks, before yours.
But the girlfriend is being ridiculous about not wanting 2013.
Post # 8
I think it’s outrageous for them to get married 2 months before you, particularly if they expect friends/family to travel for their wedding–if those friends/family do so, they’re much less likely to travel for yours, if it was a long trip. Now, if they’re just doing a teeny tiny wedding or civil ceremony and yours will be the “main event” for this fall, that would be less objectionable imo.
Post # 9
In my opinion, you should call your brother and say while you would prefer it to happen after yours, you will be happy with whatever date they choose and you will be nothing but supportive. It wouldn’t be your first choice, but you don’t get to dictate their date and it won’t take anything away from yours.
My aunt and uncle were together for 5 years (from 28-33, so that was a long time at their ages) and set the date a year and a half out. My other uncle got engaged to someone he dated a year and set the wedding date 7 weeks before their wedding. It was wonderful, we all made it to both, and it took nothing away from either wedding.
I’m also in the same boat as you, we got engaged in February and couldn’t get married until summer 2013. I fully expect Future Brother-In-Law to propose to his wonderful girlfriend and get married before us. I would like a month cushion, but if it doesn’t happen I will go and be happy for them.
Post # 10
I don’t think 2 months before is a big deal at all. Especially because they have a baby I would think you would be more understanding. I don’t see why they couldn’t have a winter wedding either if they want to respect your wishes. Not wanting 2013 is just dumb. Seems like a lot of things are “issues” here when they really shouldn’t be. They were nice to talk to you about it in the first place and even nicer to put off their wedding becaus you want your time but really I think everyone should be able to get married when they want.
Post # 11
It was nice of them to consult with you but IMO you get one day. It’s an 8 week difference.
Their ending in 13 thing is on them but they should be able to get married whenever they want, whether that be this year or 2014.
Post # 12
I actually do think this it’s a big deal. When my Fiance and I got engaged, his brother (who knew we were getting engaged) decided to propose THE SAME WEEKEND. They actually lied to use about it and told us it was “a couple days” after but when we saw the pictures on FB with the time stamps it was a little hard to deny. It was a huge deal about who was going to get married when because we both wanted relatively short engagements (like a year-ish) and both wanted fall. Having the weddings so close together cause a lot of tension and unneccessary burden on the families. I would avoid if you can.
Post # 13
Why do people honestly believe they deserve months (or, in some cases, an entire calendar year) to themselves to make their wedding their own special time? Your DAY is your special day. Period. People can decide which wedding they come to if they’re concerned with traveling twice. And the same goes for gifts.
And as far as the people who are judging the 2013 superstition, remember your own hang-ups. How many people aren’t letting the groom see the dress beforehand? Or what about not spending the night before the wedding together? The something old, something new… etc tradition? Not wanting to wear an engagement ring, dress, veil, etc. from a divorced family member? All superstitions. And I’ve also read plenty of people who don’t want to get married on Friday the 13th, or the 13th of any month. There’s really no difference.
Post # 14
Sorry OP, but I don’t think this is a big deal at all. I understand not wanting to have family weddings to close together for logistical puproses and putting pressure on guests to attend both. That’s totally a valid concern. However, I think 2 months is a good enough buffer. Maybe you should suggest to your brother that he ask other relatives if they think that’s ok (instead of you) because those are the ones that will have to plan accordingly to make both weddings. Are your parents ok with it?
Remeber, you really only get the one day and it is unfair for you to tell them they have to get married after you so they don’t “steal your thunder.”
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@Pollywog: Yes- exactly-In my opinion, you should call your brother and say while you would prefer it to happen after yours, you will be happy with whatever date they choose and you will be nothing but supportive. It wouldn’t be your first choice, but you don’t get to dictate their date and it won’t take anything away from yours.
If they get married two months before you, or two months after, it’s not going to steal your thunder. You don’t get to dictate when someone else gets married. They’re not looking to do it the same month as you. Some of FI’s family have 3 wedding this year- April, July, August- and those members invited to all, are going to all 3, and no one’s complained “we have too many weddings,” they’re excited that so many *are* getting married!
As far as 2013 goes- with a Friday the 13th wedding date, I am fortunate that people ARE superstitious about 13- we didn’t have a problem getting vendors with a short engagement, because people *are* “afraid” of that number.
Also- if they’re getting married in 2 months- it’s going to be a much different wedding than yours- your wedding would probably upstage theirs, since you’ve had more time to plan, etc. They’re probably not going to be able to have the big family wedding that you are, esp. since they have a newborn. I think it’s great that they want to get married, and I hope you can see that they’re not trying to take anything away from you/hurt you.
Post # 16
2 months is a LONG TIME. 2 weeks I might say you have a reason to be upset, but I don’t think you have a right to ask them to get married after you. They asked you your opinion on the matter which is being especially considerate of them. But I would not feel inconvenienced at all if two of my cousins were getting married within 2 months of eachother.
I think it’s just a matter of being the bigger person and stepping back and looking at the situation. Your brother is happy and in love, and so are you. This is something to celebrate. After both of the weddings you won’t be thinking about how he “stole your thunder”. That kind of thing won’t matter anymore. You’re family – be happy for him!