Post # 1
My brother is several years older than me, but seems to have regressed significantly in the last few years. He came over to visit tonight. He wanted to know when I was going to start freaking out about the wedding. I said probably the week before because there will be a lot to do that week. He said, “Well, just don’t freak out the day before, because then I will kill you.”
I didn’t say anything because we had just sat down to eat and I didn’t want to ruin the meal, but WTF!! The wedding is still more 7 months away and how he feels about it is really the least of my concerns. I don’t expect him to do anything re: the wedding except show up on time and even that’s a maybe. My dad is deceased, so my brother has assumed he is walking me down the aisle since he did it for my sister. He doesn’t support marriage in general and I don’t want him to give me away. All of his recent comments indicate he views the whole destination wedding as an inconvenience to him. I want to punch him.
I realize that destination weddings are a pain and not everyone will be thrilled about our choice to have one, but I thought at least my family would be supportive. I really don’t get why my brother is acting like this. I haven’t asked him for anything in years because he is unreliable and can’t be counted on. I don’t expect him to do anything as part of the wedding for that reason. He thinks it is funny to joke that he can’t make it or can’t afford it and so isn’t coming. At this point, I don’t think I really care either way.
Post # 3
im thinking maybe he was trying to make a joke and it fell flat with you….. obviously he isnt your favourite person so try not to have dinner with the guy too often in the next 7 months and hopefully you wont want to punch him too much 🙂
Post # 4
Good advice, eloping. Although, he was pretty serious when he said it.
Post # 5
my hubby has a brother that is just a misery guts.,… i swear he drains the life source out of you when spending time with him. some people are just negative no matter that the topic so try not to let him vampire any of your postive vibes from you
but if hitting helps – maybe you should do it hehehehe
Post # 6
You mentioned that you don’t care either way whether he comes … have you said that to him? In a way, you’re just giving that attitude back to him. I know playing passive-aggressive isn’t always the best, but you could say, “Okay, Jim, I want my family at my wedding to support me, but if you can’t handle that just stay home. I don’t need your attitude.”
Of course I wouldn’t suggest that unless you truly feel that way because you may not be able to predict his response.
I don’t know what I’d do if I were in your situation. I have to deal with a guy like this who is a childhood friend, almost like a brother, to DH. He always says something offensive and DH says it’s just meant as a joke. I usually give him a stern look and tell him it’s not nice, or not funny, and at this point I just avoid all contact.
Post # 7
Ugh, that sucks. Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice for you other than to tough it out, and if it gets bad enough, you could always tell him the truth — maybe that will smarten him up!
Post # 8
Brothers have a way of know exactly which buttons to push to set us off (I have 3 older brothers). Ignore his comments. Once he realize’s he’s not going to ge a response from you, he should keep quiet.
Post # 9
I agree with Mary-Alice-Me…tell him you want family there who supports you and if he doesn’t want to be there, he doesn’t have to be.
Post # 10
I wish I had some helpful advice, but I can sympathize! My brother is younger than me, but he is still an adult, and was totally a jerk throughout the whole wedding process. Anytime I wanted to talk about it while he was around, I was manipulating the conversation and being a bridezilla. God forbid we talk about something other than him, for once! It got to the point where we had a fight in a restaurant, with our immediate family present, where he said he didn’t want to come to the wedding and I told him he shouldn’t wait for his invitation.
Of course, he eventually came to the wedding (would have killed my mother if he hadn’t), but it helped me decide that I just wouldn’t have much to do with him until he decides to grow up. Could be tomorrow, could be ten years from now. That’s how brothers (and men?) are, I guess.