Post # 1
Help! I have always disliked my brother’s girlfriend (it all started years ago, they were figting and to get back at him, she messaged all his his female friends online, including me- his sister – and warned them about getting an STD from him!) She still has not apologized for that fiasco. This girl offends everyone around her, including my brother, and appears to have some sort of an axis 2 diagnosis, such as a major personality disorder (bordeline, histrionic). Then my worst fear came true…They had a baby.
I’m getting married in 35 days. My mother and family have tried to be supportive to my brother and his baby mama, however, her behavior is getting worse and worse with each family function we invite her to. For example, she was invited to our couples shower, got completely wasted, made some very unsavory comments bordering on racist, and told everyone how excited she is to marry my brother as soon as she divorces her “asshole ex-husband” who is already married to another woman (??? I have no idea how this is even possible!!! Polygamy is ilelgal in Ohio!) This is just a snapshot of her behavior – it’s obviously much worse when she is drinking, but she is also very difficult to be around even when dead sober. She speaks in one volume, full blast!
My question is: we are considering uninviting her to the rehersal dinner and/or the wedding based upon her escalating behaviors observed at the couples shower. I know that most of my family and fiance’s family concur this is the safest bet; but I’m wondering if anyone has any other ideas… I would love to try and hold an intervention for her, but how do you help some realize they are a social liability? We have begged her to see a psychotherapist, but refuses, claims she can’t afford it. And forget my brother trying to intervene with the woman, he’s useless. Is it possble to invite someone to a wedding but forbid them to drink? What about talking too much? Too Loud? LOL Ok, I know that’s asking a bit much, but I’m running out of options. Our wedding is in a beautiful country club and lots of important colleagues and extended family will be there meeting for the first time. I can’t let her turn it into a circus!
Any ideas??? We’re desparate!
Post # 3
If I had a crazy relative worry, rather then risk a ww3 fallout I’d be a bit sneaky and underhanded
Hire Security and instruct them to personally escort her off the property if she even gets moderatly out of control. Make sure they know that she’s the problem/person of worry and have them idenity themselves as “venue security”. Make sure to *ahem* fib and let everyone know that the “venue security” has strict concust rules and will remove anyone who gets the least bit rowdy.
Tell no one, just you and your FI will be in on it. Why? Well becasue I’m paranoid and wouldn’t risk her finding out through the grapevine
It might be an extra cost. But for peace of mind, it will be worth it
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater
@MissFireFlower: I actually think thats a great idea if you can swing it.
The only other option is asking someone who knows her to “babysit” and make sure she doesn’t drink to much/make a scene. I would try and slyly un invite her to the rehearsal. Maybe say it’s only going to be the bridal party? Good luck. It sucks that you have to worry about someone elses craziness
Post # 6
No idea what to do for the rehearsal. I would just deal with it if it comes to the point where she is inappropriate in the moment. For the wedding, I would hire security. If you uninvite her, there is a chance that she’ll show up anyway and create even larger problems. Who knows? She may surprise you!
Post # 7
I really like the security idea, but what should be the flags for them to intervene? If she starts talking about something completely innappropriate? Talks too loud? This woman is a freak without alcohol! Can they do that? I’ll have to find out.
And I tried talking to family about the babysitting idea, however, even my most gracious family members basically said “hell no” -she’d embarrass them too and would ruin their time!
Post # 8
If alcohol is a contributing factor, I’d tell the bartenders to use a light hand when pouring her drinks and cut her off early. At a restaurant I used to work at we had a woman who would come in and get plastered during pharmaceutical sales rep presentations (she was a doctor). It got so bad that we started warning the sales reps about her. They started writing their contracts so to limit everyone at the presentation to 2 drinks. She would make such a scene that several reps paid for her drinks out of their own pocket. What we finally ended up having to do was water her drinks down from the beginning. Red wine? She got red wine mixed with cranberry juice. Never once was able to tell the difference.
Provide the bartender a picture of her so they know who she is.
Post # 9
I agree with having security. That way, if she has to be removed.. you won’t have to be the one to do it.
I don’t have any other advice but I just wanted to say I feel your pain! My teenage bother has a one year old baby with a crazy baby-mama. She makes everyone uncomfortable with her nasty, socially unacceptable behavior and makes him miserable. I considered making her a bridesmaid in my wedding..but I just can’t because, like your brothers baby mama.. she would make the day all about her/cause drama/make a scene etc..