Post # 1
I found out yesterday that my brothers SO miscarried in the night, they only found out on Friday that they were having a little girl. My brother was so excited and couldn’t wait to be a father, they had even named her. He is absolutely devastated now and he still can’t believe it, to be told 4 days before that their little girl is doing well to this happening.
To make matters worse my brother has split from his SO about a month ago and has had to move back to where he was living before, so I know he is going through this alone. He has no family and not many friends in the area he is living now (he lives over 200 miles away) and was already having a tough time with the breakup.
I just don’t know what to say to try and help, I still can’t believe that in 5 months time I will not be having a niece to spoil, or see her smiling face at my wedding next December. I have had to break the news to my parents as my brother couldn’t face it.
I want to help my brother get through this but I just don’t know how, any advice from bees that have experienced this?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry this happened. My sister lost her baby actually, she was 6 months along and had to deliver her still born :(. I’m going to refer you to a blog post she wrote about her experience, I think it will help.
It really drives me crazy when people think you can’t be sad just because you’ve never met a baby. Losing my niece was an extremely emotional time in my sisters life and our whole families lives. We all got to hold her when she was born, she was the most beautiful little baby I’ve ever seen, we always say she was “too beautiful for earth”, I’d like to think the same about your sweet niece as well. I hope time heals you and your brother and his SO.. The pain doesn’t go away but it does get easier.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
I’m sorry for your loss 🙁 I experienced similar thing though I was 20 weeks. I don’t know about your brother and his SO but I just wanted to cry all the time. It took me months before I could even talk about it , anytime anyone would try to bring it up I would break down. Give him time and let him know you’re there for him.
Post # 5
Post # 6
I’m so sorry for your loss. Make sure you say something to your brothers SO as well. I cant imagine how awful she feels
Post # 7
@BelleSofia: Oh no. 🙁 I’m so sorry for your loss. Is there any way you can go visit your brother?
Post # 8
So sorry. A dear friend of mine lost her baby girl at 22 weeks. She is still grieving 4 months later. I cried when she told me. Its difficult, but eventually time heals all.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
I am so sorry for your loss! You are in my thoughts. all you can do is tell him you’re there for him and if he needs to talk, just listen. Let him vent/cry/whatever he needs
Post # 10
@Swizzle: Time does not heal the loss of a child. It may become easier to bare, but this will be something that will effect her forever.
I am so sorry that your family is experiencing such an awful loss. Maybe you can direct her to an online community? I am part of a forum called JustMommies, and there is a board for pregnancy loss there. The women there are SO helpful, and when going through something like this, having people to talk to, who understand the feelings she is going through can be so helpful.
Just try to reassure her that this was nothing caused by her. Offer your ear, and any help you can provide to your brother and his SO, but do not pry.
Post # 11
@urchin: Not sure why you wanted to argue that. It gets easier….so in essence you are healing…
Post # 12
i am so sorry. your brother must be devastated. allow him to grieve. unfortunately, things like this happen. my step mother and a friend of mine both delivered stillborn at full term. days before, all was fine. it was a total shock.
i look at it as God’s will. he must have needed another beautiful angel in heaven.
Post # 13
@BelleSofia: I am so sorry. This makes me heart so heavy
Post # 14
@Swizzle: As someone who has experienced a miscarriage I agree with @urchin: this is not something that can be healed with time it stays with you your entire life and will always affect you. Sure, as days/months/years go on you get better at handling it but you are not fully healed and no longer affected by the loss. I think the phrase time heals all implies you will eventually be “cured” and thereby no longer upset by the loss or that you may forget about it entirely which is offensive to those of us who have experienced it personally.
OP I am so very sorry to hear about your brother’s situation. Everyone deals with loss differently but I can suggest a few things that helped me in hopes they may help you and your family as well. Perhaps you could offer to go visit him to offer support? Some prefer to be alone though so I would ask first. I got a necklace to honor my baby and I wear it every day in remembrance. I read a lot of books on miscarriage trying to understand why these things happen and that I was not alone in dealing with it. Reading others’ stories helped to validate my own emotions and made me feel that it was ok to grieve. Some of the perspectives also helped me find ways to make the pain easier to bear. My would-have-been due date for the miscarriage was just 2 days ago and it was very difficult for me. I would be sensitive to that with your brother as well as he may need emotional support during those times too. Others gave me wonderful suggestions for things to do to remember the baby on their due date such as writing messages to the baby on balloons and releasing them, planting flowers that will bloom every year in honor of the baby, or visiting children’s hospitals and donating toys or books to some of the children there. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Post # 15
@Brittanyg20: Im sorry for your familys loss too. Thanks for that link, theres some good advice there, she was just given a name on friday and I love to think of how much it would of suited her. Rosetta, Rose for short.
@atreyu547: I’m sorry for your loss, I have been crying since I found out and i know my brother and his SO are in pieces more so. I am giving him some time but trying to make sure he knows im there for him too.
@prettyinpink11: Yes I made sure to tell her that I am here if she needs me
@MrsEagleEye: Thank you for the advice, and Im sorry for your loss as well. Rose’s due date would of been the day before my brithday, I know this will be a very hard time for all the family and im already dreading it. I love the necklace idea and I will suggest it to them soon, once the inital shock has passed. I am already thinking how to honor Rose at my wedding next year, she would of been 9 months at the wedding.
Post # 16