- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I’m going to sound like a bitter, jealous cow right now, but I really can’t deal with my Brother’s Wife (I cal her BW because I can’t even bring myself to call her my sister in law because…..she’s no sister in my eyes.) She’s never been particularly nice to me since we met, and I’m just getting exhausted with sucking up her selfish, entitled attitude and the awful way she treats me. She made fun of me for being unemployed when she first showed up as my brother’s girlfriend (I was made redundant during the recession), she always refers to herself as my mom’s ‘favourite girl’ when she has me as her daughter and she made fun of me when I was fitted for a bridesmaids dress and had to buy a big size because they were small sizes to the point I cried in the dressing room and the sales assistant had to bring me tissues and coach me out. I was 28 when that happened and she was so cruel she reduced me to tears like I was a 14 year old girl. She also makes fun of my husband for being a bad ‘provider’ because I work after marriage and she doesn’t (basically, she worked until she was married and now is happy to be a kept woman) even though I have explainer numerous times to her that I work because I like my career. It still bugs me though. Oh and she even laughed when my cat died and I posted a ‘tribute’ on Facebook. She literally commented with ‘it’s just a cat, get a f***ing grip’ and then deleted it after I said somthing and when I showed my brother the screencap, she accused me of photoshopping it. I could list tons of examples, but basically, she’s a horrible bully.
Anyway, A few weeks ago, my mom asked me to plan a baby shower for my brother’s wife. The reason being that my sister in law called my mother crying because she had no friends to throw her one (I wonder why LOL) and her mom won’t because her mom isn’t a great (her mom is apparently a bit of a cow herself). My stepfather has cancer so my mom is really busy and overwhelmed which is why she asked me, very apologetically since she knows I am having fertility issues. I said I really would prefer not because I’d find it upsetting to plan one when I am struggling with fertility issues, and my mom said she understands but she’d really appreciate if I could because she’d do it if she could and its for her grandchild and I plan beautiful parties (I’m an avid pinterest addict). So I reluctantly agreed. She then said she wanted everything in a penguin theme which broke my heart because I’ve always said that’s the theme I’ll use when I have a baby (I had a ‘one day’ board on pinterest with things that she looked at before she asked), but I sucked it up and went and spent money I don’t have buying penguin baby shower stuff on Etsy. I got up early the last 3 days to bake for her baby shower, I used some of my personal leave from work yesterday to set up the dining room for this morning. I went to a ton of effort for her.
The shower was today and now I just want to cry because she never once said thank you to me even after my mother told her numerous times I put all the work into producing it. All she did was make another joke about how at least my mom has her to produce her a grandbaby and it took every bit of willpower I possess not to slap her across the face because she knows I’m having trouble conceiving and we are going through IVF. My mom even mad an announcement saying what a beautiful job I’d done and all BW did was thank ‘the best mommy ever’ for the shower and didn’t say thank you to me once. Not privately. Nothing. I even tried to pressher for a thank you and all she said was ‘go put my presents in the car’ and didn’t make any effort to offer to help me clean up.
At this point, I think my mom can see what a shitty, horrible person she is (my mom told me I did a beautiful job with the shower and it was lovely and to not let her ungrateful attitude make me believe it wasn’t nice), but is reluctant to rock the boat and say anything because she is worried if she pushes her too far, she’ll lose access to her grandchild. My brother’s wife is the type of person who if she got any mild criticism would tell my brother ‘your family don’t support me, so it’s me or them’ and my whipped brother would choose her. I can understand why my mom doesn’t want to say anything, but I’m getting really sick of just having to grit my teeth and put up with BW’s horrible treatment of me just because she is pregnant and I’m getting sick of people acting as if her pregnancy is an excuse to act horribly. When I complained to my cousin she didn’t even say thank you, my cousin said ‘let it go, she’s pregnant, she has more important things to worry about’. This sounds harsh, but I don’t think pregnancy is an excuse to completelyforget your manners and not say thank you to someone who went to a lot of effort to do somthing nice for you.
What’s hard is people tell me to just put my feelings for her aside and be excited about having a nephew, but I can’t even bring myself to feel excited about the baby anymore because of her. I can’t believe I just said that, but I’ve hit the point where I just don’t want a single thing to do with her because she is a toxic poison in my life right now. The worst part is that she has sort of fooled everyone else, so I can’t even talk about it with anyone because I look irrational. When she is talking to my aunts or my cousins or grandma, butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. It is just me she is awful to and I’ve never done anything but turn the other cheek, so I don’t get it. I tried so hard to be nice to her when she first came along but for some reason, she had an immediate and instantaneous dislike for me. My mom thinks she is jealous that I have a good relationship with my mother and she doesn’t but….why does she seem to think that’s justification to be awful to me?
I don’t even know what else to say but I’m just so upset with everything right now. I’m sick of dealing with her and I’ve tried so hard to be the ‘bigger person’, but the more I take the high road, the more horrible and hurtful she gets. I don’t understand how my kind, lovely brother ended up married to such a witch. And he’s so infatuated with her that he is absolutey blind to the horrible way she treats me and it’s just….horrible. Ugh. I sound so repeative and I’m sorry but I’m just so hurt and so over it.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Anonabee24.