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My close friend just got engaged!

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
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    Busy bee
    lolaj       Queens, NY

    I'm so happy for her but when will it be my turn?? Bees help me stay sane and not nag my BF about it tonight!

     
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    MissChirpie    August 2010   Minnesota

    Just be over the moon happy for her, and don't think about the fact that you aren't engaged. Tell your bf how excited you are for her, and how you can't wait to help her plan. I think he'll probably know that it makes you feel disappointed that you aren't engaged yet; but think of how impressed he will be that instead of feeling sorry for youself, you feel so happy for your friend. It will help him associate happiness with weddings and engagements instead of dissapointment.

     
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    picturemeurs    February 2012  

    I agree. Be genuinely happy for her. I know it must be tough though, cuz my mind will automatically go what about me? Luckily my bff and I usually go through the same phases of life almost unilaterally, so I'll see it as a rite of passage for us both.

    Don't worry about it, your times coming soon. Just enjoy helping her plan for now.

     
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    MsMamaBear       Atlanta

    I agree. I'm sure he knows that it probably does bother you. I know it's makes you feel bad, but just try to remember that helping her with ideas, gives you more chances to find ideas for your own wedding!

     
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    Carpie    May 28, 2011  

    Well yay for her! I know it's hard seeing other people get engaged before you! I've been to weddings of people who go started dating after we did, that's hard too.

    Congrats to your friend. Have fun helping her plan!

     
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    bestforlast    January 11, 2011  

    Been there. And been there. And been there. Sigh. I know it stinks.

    I agree with the other posters that you should do  your best to be really positive about this. Just keep reminding yourself that your big day will come and that you will enjoy the journey as much as you can. [Yeah, doesn't always work for me either, but we try...]

    Hugs!

     

     
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    lolaj       Queens, NY

    Did i mention that they have been together for 5 months and my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 YEARS???

     
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    MsMamaBear       Atlanta

    (((lolaj))) Aw, that really made me know how you feel. My SO's niece got married after knowing the guy that long and now they have a baby on the way. (I got raging baby fever too.) My SO talked to me after I told him how I felt and it's better now. :) I'm sure yours will too.

    I hope things start to look up!

     
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    Buzzing bee
    lezlers    April 3, 2011   California

    Ugh, that must be rough.  I know it's hard, but try your best to focus on the positive, like all of the new opportunities this will present for mentioning wedding related things!  :D

    I know how annoying it is to hear people tell you how you should and shouldn't feel (all the "don't be dissapointed, just be happy!" like it's that easy to control our emotions).  Whenever someone dismissively tells you to just magically stop feeling the way you do, remember that what they really mean is to do your best to focus on the positive.

     
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    bryanneb61    May 5, 2012   Columbus, Ohio

    5 months! Wowza!

    This has got to be so hard for you - I know you're happy for her, but it's so weird to feel happy for her and frustrated for yourself at the same time.  This is your "safe place" though, this is where you can express yourself without worry and we will know how you feel.  Even though I haven't been posting here for very long, getting to come into this board, and vent what I'm feeling to ladies I *know* understand how I feel makes me feel so much better.

    My sister got in to town today, so I am off to hang out with the family a lot this weekend.  She's 3 years younger than me, and got engaged in March, and it's still kinda hard for me.  Family gatherings inevitably lead to wedding talk and planning and since I am her MOH I am involved with it all.  I'm super happy for her, and love my future brother-in-law, but I still wish it was *my* wedding everyone was planning!

     
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    aliceinweddingland    October 9, 2010   New Jersey, NYC wedding

    my close friend got engaged right before me and i was pretty mopey despite best intentions and i really regret that now.  stay strong!

     
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    funnybunny    June 18, 2011   San Mateo, CA

    That's got to be rough for you, but do your best to be happy for her.

    I got engaged last month and my best friend is waiting on a ring.  It was really hard for me to tell her, and I know that deep down she is excited for me, but is still having a hard time expressing that to me.  Recently when we've talked, we have talked about how she is going to get engaged soon and what her wedding is going to be like.  She hasn't asked me much about mine.  I really wish that she could be happier for me.  I understand what she is going through....but on the other hand, I just got ENGAGED!!!!!  Don't do this to your friend.  It sucks.

     
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    Bumble bee
    Vegan    July 6, 2013   maryland

    @lolaj:  I  know how you feel trust me.  My older FSIL got engaged last year and I was really happy for her because the last time it didn't work out her FH then was a total duch bag.  Then this year in march one month b4 my FSIL wedding his younger sister got engaged.  I couldn't help but be a little down and jealous.  Although  I'm happy for her I now my time will come and it'll be amazing. I know my SO timeline and it's still a couple of years out so I'm just trying to enjoy the relationship now.  When your time comes it'll be amazing and everything you'll be waiting for.  I can't wait to see your post one day soon I hope.

     
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    DreamingBee    October 2012  

    Ah! I'm so glad I found this thread...one of the couples we're going on my birthday trip in a few weeks is getting engaged, I'll need to get out of my head and be happy for her. Despite that I'm hoping but probably won't get the birthday present I really want (a ring).

     
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    artichokey    June 16, 2012  

    Grrrr. Just screw a smile on your face and do your best. The truth is, you can be jealous. You can be sad. You can even be upset. It's totally acceptable. Just don't let her know. You can tell your BF. Maybe not in an accusing way but let's face it, 5 years is a long time and 5 months is super short. If you're frustrated, tell him. Otherwise, trust me, you might let it build up and at the wedding you may or may not explode.

     
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    artwyopie    October 20, 2012   Northern MN

     I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! i was down that same road. One of my good friends got engaged about a month or so before I did. I was super happy for her but i couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. Be happy. Help plan. ( that way it will help you  plan for yours later) hehe

     
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    DreamingBee    October 2012  

    Good point about making sure *she* doesn't know you're upset, but you can feel however you feel and even talk to BF about it if you need to.

     

     
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    DreamingBee    October 2012  

    @lolaj: if it makes you feel any better I did slip up and tell my BF I was jealous, when he brought it up last night. Uggh! Oh well.  So here's one fellow waiting Bee who couldn't stop the comment from coming out of her mouth Embarassed

    And my boss asked me today if she thought my BF would propose on our 1 year anniversary....*sigh* The perils of waiting!

     
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    keepsmiling19    June 2012  

      Oh boy...for awhile, I had to stay away from Facebook on Sundays, because that was when a ton of engagements were being posted. I had a bad case of the jealousy bug! It was conflicting. On one hand, I really was happy for the couple that got engaged. It is a really exciting thing! On the other hand, it was just a reminder for me that I wasn't engaged yet.

      I did my best to fake it when I didn't really feel happy. I knew that the reason I wasn't feeling happy really didn't have to do with them, but it was my situation. I knew that when I would get engaged (and it did happen--two weeks ago!), I would hope that people would be happy for me. I also didn't want to be the one taking away their happiness, so I would put on the smile and everything while I was around them and deal with my own issues in private.

      I was just talking to a friend of mine. She is getting engaged sometime soon. Her boyfriend is in the process of buying the ring. She feels the exact same way...especially when it's a couple who hasn't been together for that long. We had a good vent about it :-).

     
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    Helper bee
    yellowlinedpage      

    I feel ya, @lolaj:--last year my best friend got engaged after knowing the guy for 3 MONTHS!!! And at the time my BF and I were at 3 yrs!!! It is really painful, but just know that you are going to start a marriage based on a strong, well-established relationship and probably have a better chance of lasting (not that I wish either of our friends' relationships not to!!)

     

    But yeah, my best advice, as a lot of bees are saying, is to just be happy for her--your time will come, and she will be just as happy for you.  Vent to us here but then slather on your happy face for her.  Easier said than done, i know :)

     
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    d-girl    September 17, 2011   Dallas, Tx

    I know how you feel. I would be really upset as well. But, give her all the support you can muster up, as hard as it can be.  If she is a good friend, hopefully she will recognise that talking your ear off about her engagement while you are waiting on yours can be heartbreaking. But, hopefully it'll be your time soon!

     

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