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I don't think you're the only one who has a man that doesn't understand the ring symbolism. In fact, I wouldn't even say you're in the minority.
My SO thought that you only wore the engagement ring while you were engaged, and then once you were married, you took it off forever. He jokingly/not so jokingly said, "at least you know for sure I've never gotten this far in a relationship before..." Boys... :)
@friedicecream: No, I don't think I'm in a minority at all. To be perfectly honest, I myself didn't know women wore two rings until the past few tears. I was really surprised and it still looks a bit odd to me even now.
@friedicecream: He thought that, too. That was how I found out he didn't know anything about them. I'd brought up the topic of ring shopping together and he suggested maybe not for the engagement ring but for the "real shinies", meaning the wedding ring. I quickly figured out he thought wedding rings were more "real" than engagement rings because he thought you only wore them for a little while and then got an upgrade to a better one that you wore forever. He was really shocked that wedding rings are so plain and a little boring in comparison to what he thought they were (engagement rings).
@VickyAurea: Haha! I think my FI is still perplexed with the fact that women typically wear two rings, while the man wears one, even though I've explained it at least like three times! It just makes me laugh how clueless they can be sometimes.
@VickyAurea: Same here. It was only recently that I learnt that about women and rings. My mother didn't have an engagement ring so I only ever saw her with a wedding ring.
Silly question to all but I just wanted to make sure I have my facts straight: the engagement ring and wedding ring are both worn on the left hand ring finger right? And men wear their wedding rings on the left hand ring finger as well?
@Miss Circe: Yes, that's traditionally how they're worn. Though, I've seen lots of other bees say that many countries wear the rings on their right hand ring finger. But, I think in general, that's how they're worn in "western" countries.
DH and I were actually talking about the right hand this evening. At his work, he sees alot of women and men wear their wedding rings on their right hand and was perplexed. I had to explain that it's a western thing to wear them on their left hand.
I had to explain to my FI that the men didn't get an engagement ring. He was confused about the whole thing really.
@VickyAurea:I didn't know there were two separate rings for the longest time! My mom has two wedding bands, and they're both soldered to her engagement ring, so I always figured it was just one big ring. It wasn't until my husband and i were talking about getting engaged that I realized there were two!
@Natalieh86: I think my SO will get an engagement ring when he becomes my FI, actually. But that just adds to it all! Does a man wear an engagement ring on his right hand or left? If left, would he then wear two rings like a woman? Traditions are funny things. People can just make up their own rules and ignore the rest of us really but I do enjoy being a part of something bigger that people can immediately see and understand.
Haha, yeah, mine didn't know which finger the engagement ring goes on til about a year ago...and chances are he's forgotten since then. Which is why I've sent him links and specs of the rings I like. lol.
@abirdword: That's good thinking for those who are sure of what they like. For me, though, I really don't know what things will look like on my finger compared to in pictures so I'm not confident enough to just send over a few images and know whichever style he picks will suit. Perhaps we will go ring shopping nearer to proposal time, if he decides he's buying me a ring.
He does actually have a ring for me that is sentimental to him and he's been saving to propose to me with. The problem? He has no idea where it is since he left it in his bedroom back in our hometown which he only visits a few times a year. I doubt he's seen the ring in the past year or two. Plus, it was his intention to propose to me with that ring but maybe his recent discovery that engagement rings are the real deal, not temporary, might change his mind.
When all is said and done, a ring does not matter. It's why I know so little and why my SO knows even less. I understand that it is very important to some people but not so much to me. Lucky me, I suppose.
@inspiredcreationsbyhaley: honestly, that's what I'm going to be doing. I hate wearing 2 rings on one finger, and SO said he didn't want me wearing one on my left, one on my right. so I'll probably only wear my e-ring for special occasions!
@patchy: I may end up doing this too, you know. 2 rings does look odd to me still. It's good to know I'm not the only one who it seems strange to.
@VickyAurea: yes! and two rings, even sitting flush, will rub against each other and wear away faster. the option of bonding the two rings together, makes no sense to me--that's just like wearing one thicker-band ring! since I prefer thin bands anyway, it all just doesn't suit me. I won't say no to the e-ring since I do love bling, and it'll be fun for special occasions, but otherwise it'll stay in a safe place. I prefer the plain look of wedding bands for everyday.
@patchy: Hmmm, this has actually got me thinking a whole lot more about the issue and I'm not sure, maybe I'd do the same as you actually. It makes more sense to me, personally, and I guess it just comes down to preference anyway.
To everyone else: there is now a spinoff from this thread, FYI.
My SO was also clueless. He thought that you wore your engagement ring only when your engaged. Then you wear your wedding band once you get married and the engagement ring goes in a box. I told him I plan on wearing both. Now he has this thing if I'm not going to wear my e-ring to work then he should possibly get me another setting. I said don't let the fact I'm not wearing it work deter you from picking another ring setting. I still plan to wear it on the days I'm not at work and when I get home from work.
I was curious about this as well so I found this semi-recent thread instead of making a new one!
@CarolinaCola: yes my mom recently informed me (as I noticed on her) that women wear their wedding band on their right ring finger and men wear their wedding band on their left ring finger. My parents are from Taiwan.
I don't know what the tradition is regarding engagement rings as my mother never wears hers. I am not engaged yet but I have thought about wearing my future wedding ring on my right ring finger as well, if not just to keep the rings separate and wearing against each other. But I don't know if I'll like having rings on so many different fingers..ya know?
On another note, I have a question for those who wear the two together: why is it that the wedding ring is typically on the inside of the engagement ring?? Personally I always thought the wedding ring should be on the outside, as you would put it on *after* you put on an engagement ring (chronologically speaking) and also it would most likely be the less expensive ring, so why not put that one on the outside in the case of some freak accident where a ring fell off?
@pandabee: (shake hands) we're from Taiwan too :)
I've been doing quite a bit of research wedding-related recently on Taiwanese websites, and what I've discovered is that most ppl in TW DON'T wear their engagement rings after their wedding, as they're afraid that their fingers will be chopped off by robbers (scary thought!) and didn't want to attract attention from evil-doers.
As for the tradition, as you mentioned, one right hand and the other left hand, and many wear their engagement ring on their left hand middle finger, if any.
Even more traditionally, the bride receives a 24k gold ring with a copper band tied together with a red string (to resemble union) and puts them on at their engagement ceremony. The groom gets nothing but a 24k gold necklace. It wasn't until the introduction of gender equality that the groom gets also a 24k gold ring and the bride has a diamond ring replacing the copper ring (so the bride gets a 24k gold ring tied together with a diamond ring with a red string)
Pandabee-wedding band goes on the inside because it's supposed to be the ring closest to your heart.
Ha ha! That kind of reminds me of my SO. I was wearing a ring on my right ring finger one day and he got all upset and said: "so I guess you don't need me to buy ou a ring then". I laughed and pointed out his mistake. Still, a year on there's zero sign of him actually buying me a ring lol
Before I got engaged I made my FI practice (many times!!) slipping a ring on the right finger. It took him quite a while to remember exactly where that ring went! We'll have to practice again right before the wedding so he doesn't forget!
@Scottish_lassie: Just seen a thistle ring and thought of you - it's on this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/considering-a-non-diamondalternative-ering-cool-vendor-alert-pics
Haha what a Scottish ring! A bit much I think, personally.
@inspiredcreationsbyhaley: That is exactly the same thing my guy thinks. I realized this after talking buget for rings, and him saying you only wear it for "x" amount of time before the wedding, so why spend so much money.
On a seperate note, after him saying this... continually, the idea actually caught on in my head... I plan to have a very nice wedding ring. And a more value e ring
@Natalieh86: OH wow! I thought I was the only one who had a guy who thought they would get one too. It was kind of cute when he said "that he wanted people to know that he was taken by his lovely lady."
@Scottish_lassie: I love the picture of that kitty in your picture! He is super cute :)
@VickyAurea: Love the Thistle Rings, especially in Amerthyst. I am enamoured by unique pieces of jewellery, this ring certainly fits that bill.
Wedding Rings - As others have mentioned they are typically worn on the ring finger (the one that supposed has a vein that runs directly to the heart)... on which hand, left or right is a matter of cultural preferences.
Engagement Rings - A ring that is worn to symbolize that one is betrothed / promised to another. "Rules" on E-Rings are pretty open... one can have a ring or not, and any sort of ring will suffice. It is typically worn on the Wedding Finger... but that isn't a hard & fast rule either.
Of course Bridal Sets with two rings (or a supporting setting) are also very popular, and the rings naturally go together. This wasn't always the case, which is why some Brides (especially from my era, opted to have their rings soldered into one piece... ladies who mentioned this was what their Moms had). Rings soldered together made them more comfortable to wear, and less spinning around etc.
In the 1960s or there abouts, Jewellery Stores started selling matching band sets. Where one would purchase a bridal set, as well as the Groom's Wedding Band, which were all of similar / coordinating styling. These are still sold today.
Also back in the 1980s, there was the advent of the 3 ring bridal set, that consisted of the E-Ring, and 2 identical Wedding Bands. One was given to the Bride at the time of her wedding, and the other as an Important Milestone (Anniversary, Birth of First Baby etc). The 3 rings were worn together on the wedding finger.
After the Wedding, the E-Ring can be worn with the Wedding Band on the same finger or not. In Western Culture if the two are worn together then traditionally the Wedding Band is worn to the inside, with the idea that the vein from the wedding finger runs directly to one's heart (doesn't matter which hand... biology is the same)
When I first got married, back in the 1980s, Bridal Advice Books, advised that Brides-to-Be transfer their E-Rings to their right hands before the ceremony, so the Wedding Finger was free. This makes the removal and reordering of the rings smoother during the ceremony, and less chance to be clumsy and drop a ring (not the best if one is having an outdoors ceremony)
Men's Engagement Rings - In recent years Men's E-Rings have gained ground in popularity. They are worn also on the Wedding Finger. Are they a fad, or are they an element that will become a tradition... only time will tell. By all accounts, this NEW custom has come out the LGBT Culture, where same sex partners where both partners may exchange E-Rings, vs just one partner being proposed to / receiving a ring.
Men who are married, and have both Engagement and Wedding Rings typically choose to wear one on one hand and one on the other (like women's rings they are usually quite different from one another) or just wear their wedding rings.
My Plans - I am in the market for a E-ring that is more of a cocktail ring design vs a traditional solitaire (had that the first time). If the ring goes well with a Wedding Band then I will wear the two together on one hand. If the ring doesn't then I will wear my E-Ring on my righthand.
If my SO should surprise me with a Diamond Wedding Band to coordinate with my ring, then I will most likely also purchase a plain gold wedding band as well before the wedding... have all 3 rings blessed. And wear my plain band whenever I find myself in a situation where I don't want to risk damage etc to my "good rings". I do this, because I am a BIG believer in the symbolism of my wedding ring set... once they are on they will very rarely come off. That is how it was in my first marriage, never to be seen without a ring on.
As my SO cannot wear a ring for work, and has given me a lot of heads up that he won't be doing so, I have decided that his "wedding jewellery" will most likely be a watch... which I will have engraved.
The nice thing about getting married now when it comes to Rings, like so many other things there are literally ENDLESS Choices, something for everyone!!
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Yesterday, my clueless darling said something that alerted me to the fact that he didn't know it is customary, broadly-speaking, for married women to wear two rings nowadays - an engagement ring together with a wedding ring. I laughed and told him to take a peek at women's rings at work today.
Today, he came home and said he'd seen lots of women wearing only one ring and they couldn't all be engaged. But when I asked him if he definitely checked the right finger, he said no, they all had their rings on different fingers and hands! I laughed again and he admitted he had no idea which hand or which finger engagement and wedding rings might go on, though not an outside finger.
When things like this happen, I suppose we waiting bees have two options - we can either allow ourselves to feel frustrated that our SOs clearly haven't done any ring research and likely haven't given a second's thought to proposing any time soon or we can laugh it off, admire the somewhat cute naivety of our SOs and their proposal-free minds and try our best to enjoy being BF and GF a little longer. I'm taking the second option this time. Just thought it might be a little funny to share my story of how clueless he is :)