Post # 1
This guy is absolute hell to work with anyway, for a million reasons – he doesn’t do any work, he’s nasty, aggressive, lazy and just a horrible person to share company with in the first place. But that aside, he’s having an affair.
Two months ago in a drama-filled day at work his wife came in and it was revealed to everyone that he’d been having an affair. He then took four weeks off work due to ‘stress’ (which annoyed me horribly as I can’t take a day of sick without being screamed at by this guy) and now he’s come back, with the clear understanding from what we’ve seen and heard that he have no more contact with this other woman.
Well, he’s still at it. He keeps booking time off work and then calling his wife and telling her he has to work late, going on long lunches without telling anyone, spending all day emailing and phoning this other woman without a care for the work he’s supposed to be doing! It’s horrible to hear him snapping at his wife and slamming down the phone after talking to her when a few minutes later he speaks to this other woman and acts like butter wouldn’t melt.
And believe me, I know it’s none of my business what he does or how his relationships are. Nobody’s called him out on anything, we’ve all acted lovely as we can and pretended that the whole drama never happened. But I know his wife – she seems like a lovely woman – and it’s awful that I can’t work through a single day without this guy scolding his wife and loudly making plans to see his bit on the side.
Not to mention the guy’s at retirement age! Not what you’d expect from a man married for thirty years with grandchildren. Look, I know that it’s none of my business. I would never dream of saying or doing anything about this and I get worried if I even look at him sideways most days. I’m a wimp, I wouldn’t say boo to a goose but no matter how I try and ignore it it’s pretty much shoved in my face that this guy is just… scum, I guess.
I’m not really looking for advice or anything, since it’s not my life and I don’t have any right to judge. I guess I just want to rant about it since I can’t really say anything to anyone else.
Post # 2
ZebraPrintMe: ugh – be glad he’s just your co-worker is my inly advice 😉 hopefully he’ll retire soon!
Post # 3
What a scumbag! It’s horrible that he doesn’t even make an effort to hide it. He sounds like he thinks he is really something else.
Post # 4
I hate cheating, too. I obviously wouldn’t do it and I also don’t care to see it. If he isn’t doing any work, maybe a manager will eventually get involved and you won’t have to hear him anymore.
Post # 5
ZebraPrintMe: Gross! He sounds awful. It makes me so sad when people belittle their spouses in front of people like that. It’s wrong. Sorry you have to work with that guy! You know, we spend more time with our coworkers than almost anyone else… Is it really so hard to not be such a dick!? (Him, not you.)
I was talking to a coworker about that the other day, about how we spend more time with each other than we do with our husbands! My coworker had this to say, “Easy. Don’t be terrible. That’s it.”
Post # 6
You describe him as your colleague, but later mention that you get to deal with him if you even take a day off sick — is this guy actually your boss? If he really is ‘just’ a colleague, it seems pretty amazing that a higher-up hasn’t taken notice to this incredibly unprofessional behavior and booted the guy. Not because he’s having an affair, but because family members are coming in and starting drama, and he’s having loads of personal phone calls while he’s on the clock. For that reason, I’m imagining that this guy is probably higher up on the food chain than you are — so far, he’s gotten away with all of this nonsense.
In either case, you’re in a tough position. My stance on it isn’t from the moral perspective, but the fact that everyone else is workin’ hard while he’s workin’ hard, if you know what I mean. In a better situation, maybe you and some of the other co-workers could approach HR about how his behavior is disturbing the rest of you while you’re working (doesn’t sound like an option).
Shy of that, can you pop on some headphones while you’re working and listen to music?
Post # 7
ZebraPrintMe: How he acts in the office IS your business. If he’s screaming at you, being aggressive, not doing his work, taking long lunches, taking time off, distracting everyone around him with his loud conversations with his wife, etc. – that impacts you.
While you certainly don’t want to come off as a tattle-tale, if his conduct is directly or indirectly having a negative impact, you should consider bringing your concerns to your manager or HR. dont focus at all on his personal life, but give clear, specific examples of how his behavior is impacting you.
Even if you’re just annoyed by him yelling at his wife on the phone, you can asked to be moved by saying his loud, frequent, angry personal phone calls are a distraction.
He sounds like a real piece of crap. It’s possible his manager is aware of his issues and is building a case.
Post # 8
CookieCreamCakes: that’s a large part of the problem, actually. He’s not my boss, we’re at equal stations. At the moment our team doesn’t have a manager so there’s really no higher ups watching him.
And both I and my colleagues have reported him tons of times but the real higher ups – director level guys – just say its no point looking into since they think he might retire soon anyway.
I get what they’re saying – but that doesn’t make it bearable!