Post # 1
I can already see it. FI and I have been together a very long time. Long story short, we went through a traumatic experience, and he proposed with a beautiful ring. We want to elope. We are excited to get married, and wanted to include our parents. So, we told my parents, and his Mom (Dad has passed), that we are engaged and planning a small Destination Wedding with only them as guests. We asked they not tell anyone yet. (Reason being, we want a destination wedding with only parents, and it seems rude to tell brothers and SIL’s we’re engaged, and you’re not invited to the wedding)! Mom says that’s silly, they HAVE to all be told before they hear it from somewhere else. So, again, the only people we’ve told are parents, But Fiance brother has already called to congratulate him. So, Future Mother-In-Law is a big mouth. My Mom has already said, you could just do a small wedding with just the people that are here. I said, no that’s not what we want. So now she calls and says, “I’m having everyone over here this weekend for a get-together, and YOU’RE going to the REST of them that YOU’RE engaged!” wtf?!? Mind you, I am 43, and Fiance and I have lived together about 10 years now. It isn’t a big deal to us, we feel like we are married. To make a big fuss is not what I want. I don’t see why we can’t tell people when WE want to. I know her plan is to blab to everyone, and she will have “help” in changing our plans. Has anyone actually been talked out of eloping because of pressure, or fear of hurting people’s feelings? Anyone had just parents and no friends or sibs at their wedding?
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
@streiffe: Tell her if she wants a party she can have it and announce it herself but you have other plans. Also tell her you are having the wedding you want and its up to her if she comes or not but this is your day and you’re doing it your way. You do not want a fuss made over this and you want her to respect that.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Elope without the parents ASAP. It will be easier.
Post # 5
Post # 6
@streiffe: Yeah, this happened to us. Told Future Mother-In-Law we are eloping with no guests and we were not doing a party and she says she wants to do a BBQ at her house to celebrate OUR wedding because FH’s family really wants to celebrate with him and there are people in his family going through “tough times” that really need something to look forward to. Then she says to me that she knows I don’t want a party because I am very uncomfortable in social situations like that but she knows I can “fake it” for the day because I can be very charming. WTF.
We were against the idea of a BBQ for our wedding from the beginning so to appease her we decided we’d host a formal wedding dinner and she gave me a bunch of shit about it! Her comments continued and my family gave me a hard time too and we cancelled it because we were heartbroken that people didn’t think a post elopement dinner was important enough to attend.
So.. if you try to compromise with your mom, it may never be enough because it sounds like she wants to run the show. I think your idea to elope with your parents in a Destination Wedding is beautiful and think you should do just that if its what you guys want. Obviously, you can’t control who your mom tells but you can let her know how pissed you are about what she’s doing – she deserves to hear that. We’re not having parents at our elopement but my cousins (who were about your age and living together just as long as you and FH) did an impromptu beach wedding with just their parents and their siblings understood not being there. Sometimes things just make sense and I think your decision does. But even if it didn’t, its still your wedding, you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Where are you eloping to?
Post # 7
Ignore the *****.
But no, in all seriousness just don’t show up. Say ‘Oh, I’m afraid we’re busy that day’ and then avoid the subject like the plague. Make it obvious that discussing it is not even an option. She’ll just have to get over it.
Post # 8
@beachbride1216: +1. Just do what you want, no one can make you go to the get together. I’d go get married and be done with it
Post # 9
Stand your ground & put your foot down.
If you give her an inch, she’ll take a mile. Trust me on this.
My mother tried taking over my wedding plans.
I wanted/am having a gorgeous ceremony space, and then a typical reception in a building. She told me a backyard bbq wedding was good enough for me… and we’d have kfc for dinner. She even went to the lengths of asking friends if we could have it in their backyard!
I had to tell her, “Look, what you think I deserve and what I think I deserve are two differant things. I want my wedding THIS way, so please just be supportive, or bug out”.
She isn’t really interested in my wedding anymore… but I get MY wedding.
Post # 10
@jenilynevette: @mseagles: The dreaded BBQ wedding! That’s exactly what I am trying to avoid. My parents come from huge families, so just inviting relatives would put us well over 100 people. I told Mom, Fiance and I don’t want to spend $10K+ on a wedding. She was like, “oh, you can do it for MUCH cheaper than that!” For my oldest brother’s wedding, she and her sisters cooked, and my parents and Aunts spent that night “working”. 2nd brother’s wedding they got a little fancier and hired a caterer, it was BBQ in the backyard. Not just exclusive to my family, though…Fiance oldest brother had BBQ under the carport at his house (maybe that is why Fiance brother #2 eloped?). I have said for a long time that I’d rather have filet mignon for a handful of guests, than to have BBQ for 100. I tried to tell my Mom that having her all stressed out, cooking and “working” at my wedding was not my idea of how I wanted to spend the day, and definately not how I wanted HER to spend my wedding day. As far as location, we are seriously considering Savannah, GA. We all live in SC, so we picked Savannah because it will be within easy driving distance for the parents.
Thanks everyone for all of the replies. It really helps! I just need to find my backbone and stand up to her for once in my life! Right now, I am avoiding her like the plaque! Lol!