Post # 1
He asked his girlfriend, whom he met at the beginning of the last school year (yes, September 2011) and didn’t start dating until October or November to marry him this weekend. Less than a year of dating, 3-4 months of which he spent in a foreign country.
I’m happy for him, and I have no doubt they’re a good match, but me and my cousin who have both been dating our guys for longer (her 2 years and 4 months, me a year and 5 months) were both like “awesome for them! But I’m a bit jealous.” I know in my case a year and a half isn’t long, but when you’re almost or over 30 and been in the dating pool for over a decade to 15 years, you tend to know what you want in a partner.
I’ve never been too antsy about waiting, but this has certain lit a bit of a fire under my buns. Commiseration?
Post # 3
I know in my case a year and a half isn’t long, but when you’re almost or over 30 and been in the dating pool for over a decade to 15 years, you tend to know what you want in a partner.
Have you and your SO had any conversations at all about a long future together leading to marriage?
If not — I would bring the subject up now. After 1.5 years of dating, it’s entirely within your rights to know where this is going.
Do you want to have children?
Post # 4
You reacted better than I did. My cousin asked his gf to marry him in May, I believe, after meeting her for the first time in December.
I said nothing but nice things to everyone who asked about it, but inside I was fuming. At that time, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I hadn’t even discussed rings, marriages etc. (We’d been dating since Sep 2011, so not much more than your cousin and his girl).
I’m over it now (Their wedding is in place of our family thanksgiving, which means we’ll be celebrating as a family which we haven’t been able to do for the past couple of years, so I’m grateful). But I still think they rushed things. But only they know, and if they’re happy, I’m happy for them.
Just remember, if they get married first, you can throw a great wedding after them, and get all your new cousin’s help (if she’s the helpful sort). Otherwise, you get some experience from your aunt & uncle. There will be a benefit to this!
Post # 5
@LurkerBee: I began dating Fiance in October of 2011. It’s not about the timeline, it’s about the people.
Definitely have a talk with your SO if you feel like the ball needs to be rolling soon!
Post # 6
urg…my 25 yr old cousin just got engaged. im 31…i know howu feel 🙁
Post # 7
My fiancé and I have been together 4 1/2 months, so I apologize on behalf of those of us who move quickly. I was in a relationship for 2 years where I impatiently waited for an engagement, and watched his brother get married to someone within a year of them meeting, which was hard on me, so I know how you feel. Just try to enjoy your own relationship and you’ll appreciate your own engagement and wedding so much more. People all move at their own paces and have their own reasons for getting married sooner or later. It doesn’t mean your boyfriend loves you less or that you’re not good enough or any negative thing. It just means your circumstances are different.
Post # 8
Oh, believe me…there was a discussion. My boyfriend talks all of the time about how we should have a baby (yup, I want kids. And sooner than later, since my family history indicates a high incidence of miscarriage after 35), so when this all happened I asked why he never talks about marriage but always talks about babies.
Turns out he’s much more old fashioned than I realized, though…when I asked why we never talked about it, he said there wasn’t really much to talk about until we were engaged. But, to be fair, he seemed to be speaking in the context of a wedding and not about marriage in general, per se and we have very similar values about core issues such as money, family, and how we would want to raise children.
We recently moved in together and he said that he wouldn’t be dating me and he definitely wouldn’t have moved an hour away for us to live together if he wasn’t thinking about marriage. He was married before, and got burned, so I understand things may be a little tough on that front. I’m really glad we had the conversation.
Yeah, I figure I’ll get over the jealousy pretty quickly here. My cousin is a really awesome guy who will contribute a lot to the world at large and has a big heart. He’s never talked about any of the other girls he’s dated with the extended family, so I’m sure she is the one for him.
And I’ll get some wedding tips from my sister. 😉 My aunt has some expensive-ass taste. I don’t think I could afford a wedding she helped to plan!
Thanks for the perspective, but I’m just venting here. Obviously everyone’s circumstances are different. And no need to apologize for being engaged – my last relationship was 6 years long (and that guy’s younger sister met and married her husband by about year 3), so I know what it’s like to wait.
Post # 9
@LurkerBee: I’ve been dating my SO for 3.5 years, I’m 34…..enough said lol!!!!!!
Post # 10
It’s situations like those when it’s best to remember that longer courtships result in more solid marriages. So everyday we wait, we’re making our relationships stronger (until we lose our patience and have a meltdown…but at least it teaches our SO’s to deal with a variety of moods…that’s strengthening too 🙂