(Closed) My cousin has breached etiquette left, right and center during her wedding plans

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I gave everyone a guest. A lot of the people who attended our wedding didn’t know other guests/only knew the bride or groom. I want people to be comfortable and happy.

 

Bridal party gets a plus one regardless I believe, I know a lot of people don’t give everyone plus ones and that’s alright, but the bridal party should always be given that luxury.<br /><br />I feel a lot of etiquette & expectations of weddings in general is outdated and stuffy, so I wouldn’t be too upset about “broken rules” your cousin did.

Post # 3
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

well; my FI and I are tight on our budget, and having extra individuals would cost us about $47 per plate. we are expecting to spend already close to $10-11K. we are inviting the people who mean a lot to us; and if they have a stable significant other, they will merit a plus one. If we dont know the people they want to bring, or whatever, we wont ask for a plus one. We also dont want random people there.

Post # 4
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

EncoreBridetoBe:  I wouldn’t give a plus one to a guest who has to travel 2 hours to come to the wedding unless they didn’t know anyone there. 

For my wedding, plus ones for given to:

Bridal party members

Married/engaged/couples living together

Everyone invited to our wedding knew other people there, so we didn’t give a plus one to anyone other than the above. Even people that are dating someone, we didn’t invite their SO because they were on a table where they knew everyone. 

Post # 5
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This seems quite subjective around here, but etiquette says anyone who is married, engaged, or living together gets a guest. Beyond that, the bride and groom don’t HAVE to give others a guest. It’s definitely a courtesy to extend them to bridal party.

As for a 2 hour travel time, that shouldn’t be the reason the guest gets a plus one. +1 to what Diamond84 said about that.

Post # 6
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I believe that all guests should have the courtesy of a +1.  No guest should be expected to travel and attend an event alone.  I also do not believe in the practice of judging the status of other’s relationship to determine whether someone is deemed worthy of inviting. 

However, I know there are many on here that will disagree with me. 

Post # 7
Member
6888 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Etiquette is clear that the only obligation is for guests who are married, engaged, or living together as a married couple.  Anything else is voluntary and a matter of the host’s generosity, budget or space limitations.  That includes the bridal party. However, guests are never obligated to attend. Extending an invitation for someone to bring a named guest (random +1 is never correct)  can be a generous gesture, but if you do it for one person,  generally you have to do it for all. 

Post # 10
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

EncoreBridetoBe:  In that case I would’ve assuming you guys are close. Honestly I had second cousins (married) who I didn’t even invite because I just didn’t want a ton of people at the wedding that I wasn’t close to. But if you are a first cousin who I actually have a relationship with (call, text, stay in contact with every few months to say hi, etc.), then yes I would’ve.

EDIT: Though I will say 6 years is quite a bit of time with someone to not give them a plus one. I didn’t have a situation like this at my wedding, but if I had a cousin who was in a relationship for 6 years with someone, I would’ve invited them, even if they weren’t living together. Not like other guests will know that I broke my own +1 invite “rule”. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Diamond84.
Post # 11
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

EncoreBridetoBe:  I don’t think you’ll get a solid answer on here. If it were me, I gave +1s to anyone in a long term relationship, regardless of title or living situation.

Post # 12
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

I will invite those who have signaled that they wish to be acknowledged as a social unit (which is a different than having a “serious relationship”–I elected to keep the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in a private matter and would never, ever have expected to be invited anywhere with him) to my events by name.  As I manage to travel very long distances with regularity to attend social events where I may or may not know a lot of people, I confess that am probably among the least sympathetic on this board to the “no one should ever have to go to things alone” line of reasoning.  I understand that a single elderly relative or friend with a severe anxiety disorder would not want to travel alone and I would accommodate that, but I believe that a grown adult ought to have the capacity to mix socially with strangers for a few hours.  However, I also realize that this is not a terribly popular opinion!

Post # 13
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

I have been dating my SO for 7 years, and we do not live together. However, I know his family very well, and he knows my family well. If I were invited to a cousin’s wedding, and he was not invited, I would be pretty offended. The same goes for his family. Just because you have chosen to not live with each other does not mean that the relationship is not solid enough to not have your SO invited.

Post # 14
Member
6888 posts
Busy Beekeeper

EncoreBridetoBe:  You’re either engaged, or you aren’t. Society doesn’t recognize in between, but of course hosts can invite a long term  SO, as long as they are consistent.  Inviting this cousin’s BF does not mean you also have to invite her sister’s flavor of the month, for example. 

The topic ‘My cousin has breached etiquette left, right and center during her wedding plans’ is closed to new replies.

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors