- 5 years ago
So I am twenty and my older cousin is twenty-three. We’ve both been dating our boyfriends for close to the same amount of time- she has maybe been with hers for about a year and a half longer. Last summer, they got engaged. Everything was fine up to this point. Though my cousin and I have always been a little competitive (she was the only girl in our family until I came along and was quite jealous when I was first born, I’ve been told) we are not too close and generally only see each other around the holidays. Though I have (obviously, hence my lurking around here) been dying to get engaged with my boyfriend for months now, we both agree that it is not quite the right time yet as we’re both in college, about ninety miles away from each other during the week, and I’m the only one who works. We’ve talked about getting engaged soon and having a very long engagement (like two years) but there’s not a lot of pressure. We have an understanding that we will get married in the summer of 2015 or 2016, and most of our family understand this, too. We have started some of our planning already and have a good idea of the venue, dress, and color scheme. My cousin is older than me, her fiance has a pretty solid job, and she just graduated from college this Christmas so they definitely are more ready for this step, and I respect that. Her wedding is in February.
Ever since she got engaged, I’ve felt like she’s been antagonizing me. Though we never texted each other before, she started texting me after her engagement. I literally do not even know how she got my number, but she texts little comments about her wedding or asks for my family member’s addresses for invitations, even though I know she knows what they are. She texted me about her wedding shower even though she knew I had finals that week. I thought maybe she was just being friendly or trying to get closer to her only female cousin before she takes such a big step in her life, so I decided I was overreacting and let it go. Planning a wedding is surely an exciting time that you want to share with others.
Flash forward to tonight. I got her wedding invitation in the mail, and it and all the envelopes are plum colored. This is a fantastic color choice, in my opinion. Especially since it has been common knowledge with the women in my family for at least five years that plum was the color I wanted for my bridesmaids dresses, groomsmen ties, etc. My cousin follows my wedding board on Pinterest, so I KNOW she knows that my dream wedding would be in plum. I just feel so hurt and sad and FURIOUS that she chose this color as the main one for her ceremony and reception knowing that I always dreamed of using it.
At the same time, my feelings are conflicted because I’m not even engaged yet. Ultimately, her and her fiance have every right to choose the color for their wedding, which is taking place at least two and probably three years before mine. I just can’t shake the feeling that there is something weird about her choosing purple, right down to the exact shade that I have held in my mind for years. Purple is special to me because it’s the color for Alzheimer’s awareness, and my grandmother (on a different side of my family than my cousin’s) has alzheimer’s. It was really special to me.
Obviously, the invitations have been sent and there is no way my cousin’s color scheme is changing. Even if it could, I would never ask her to consider another color because I am kind of passive and I know that rightfully she can choose whatever she wants. I guess my question is, am I right to be upset? How can I move on from this insult to planning my own wedding in the future? Can I still use plum, or will it look horrid and silly for the baby cousin to imitate the older cousin’s color scheme? Every woman wants a unique and special wedding, and now I feel that plum cannot be the main color for my wedding party and decorations. I just need some tips on how to get over/deal with this disappointment and enjoy (or really, just tolerate) my cousin’s planning process and wedding until February.
Thanks Bees. You are all always so kind and full of good advice about these kinds of issues.