(Closed) My CRAZY irrational mom is ruining my relationship!!!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

GIANT HUGS! I am so so so sorry you are dealing with this right now! I think it would be a great idea for you to get a little bit of distance from her right now.

My husbands mother is always WAY to involved in her daughters relationships, to the point where we have had to step in and intervene. 

Hopefully you can lean on your SO and you guys will make it through this together! 

Post # 4
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

@Jewelieee:  Oh boy. She sounds like a handful. How old are you? You said she picked you up from the bus stop? Maybe I interpreted that wrong lol!

Either way, once you get your own place you wont have to worry about this craziness. She honestly is a bit (and I quote) “crazy.” Unfortunately you are gonna have to deal with it while you are under her roof. You can’t really avoid someone who you are living in the same house with. I’d get as much distance from her as possible for my own sanity.

You’ll be out of there soon, then you wont have to worry. As far as cutting ties with her, you should do whatever you think is best. If that is what you think will give you peace so be it! Otherwise you can always just limit contact with her to once in a blue moon. If she doesn’t like that-oh well! Time for her to cut the cord and let you do your own thing.

Post # 5
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. ((Hugs))

I think that you are doing the right thing by getting out from under her roof. If and when you do move out, I would not give your mother your new address. That way she can’t come find you guys and do any further damage to your property.

I don’t understand why she thinks that he is “scum” for not proposing to you after 9-10 months. Most mothers want their daugthers to take their time before marrying someone. Did she and your father marry quickly?

You may want to talk to your dad about maybe setting up an appointment for your mother to talk to a counselor or something. This is very irrational behavior. It also may be a good idea for you to speak to someone as well so your strained relationship with your mother does not affect other areas of your life any more.

Post # 6
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

*HUGS* I agree with the other bees, once you get your own place I think things will get better.  Best of luck in your apartment hunt!

Post # 7
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Geez, that’s awful. I would definitely continue with your plans to move out and to move FARRRR away

Post # 8
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2006

That sounds so much like my mom. She always acted this way since we were younger with all the bfs we had. She doesnt even try to get to know them, she already had her own assumptions and accuse them of being this and that..She is still a very difficult person to deal with. My older sis got preg, she didnt like her husband, so my mom told my older sis to go get an abortion but my sis didnt. What kind of mother will say things like that. She always talk bad things about our guys too. Like ohh they are using you guys(me and my younger sis) blah blah. We were not stupid..But i tried to understand her because my dad left her when she was barely 30 with 4 kids and he never came back. She only knows my dad when it comes to guys..So may be from her experiences, she always misjudge people and she doesnt understand that there are also good guys out there.

Now she sees my husband, shes starting to accept that there are loving and caring dad/husbands. When we first got together, she went to his house and accuse him for being gold digger and the reason hes with me is because of my $$ and all these shits. Then i got preg, we got married and she still accuse him for stuffs. She named my SO being dumb and stupid and stuffs. I was already with my SO and my mom will still bring up about setting up dates or marriages with her frnd’s kids. My SO got so mad. I kept it quiet and i let her say whatever she wants, because nobody can stop her from making her own false assumptions and say negative things..Now my mom is in her 60s and she kind of slow down alil bit. Shes stil says things about my sis’s guy. My sis is educated, but her SO is very well known very successful but he doesnt has a degree. We are Burmese and hes German.Hes is GM for a very famous company and the top VP in west coast. He takes care of her well..

My mom and her issues, seriously..So don’t worry i totally understand your situation. Just ignore her and do what is best for you. You are an adult and you can make your own decisions.When i was living with mom when i was single, she always use the things she does for us against us.She was so nosey and will come to our rooms without knocking and look at everything. Now shes living alone in this 7 bedrooms by herself. None of us want to live with her..Kind sad tho..But we always try to make her happy because knowing that she had a rough life..

Post # 11
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

THis sounds a lot like a situation that a friend of mine had with her mom. In the end, she basically had to cut ties with her because she was so toxic.

It is not okay for her to be talking to you this way, acting this way, lying, etc. (as I’m sure you know). If she’s not going to seek help – which, as you said, she wouldn’t – then the only option here is to get away from her. She will get mad at you for it, blame him, continue to be crazy – but for your own sanity, as well as that of your SO, I think it would be best.

I can tell you that the friend of mine that dealt with this is in a much, much happier and more stable place without her mother in her life.

Post # 12
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wow, I’m so sorry. Could you have him park his car somewhere else for now? I’m afraid you’ll wake up tomorrow to a smashed windshield. That must be a really tough decision, but I’d also consider not settling down near her.

I’ve never encountered anyone with that kind of behavior before. No offense, and I know you said she’s been like this for years, but could there be some sort of undiagnosed mental issue?

Post # 14
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Jewelieee:  I was about to say that’s really weird his apt doesn’t give him a parking space, but I see you’re in NYC. And I thought San Francisco parking was bad 🙁

 

Post # 15
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

Super big hug. Your story seems as if it was written about my mom. Things were decent until the night before my wedding when she had a complete melt down and ruined the whole wedding experience for me. I had to move to Boston from CA just to put enough space between us. I put my foot down and told her I was done and if she wanted to see me or my baby she was going to have a relationship with boundaries that I set forth. If she didn’t want to play by my rules she wouldn’t be part of my life.

Post # 16
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Your mom and my mom should get together and go bowling….

Anyway, my mother is just as bad. She wouldn’t go as far as to vandalize someone’s car. Well, no I lie, she was pretty violent towards my father when they were together. But No…. her attacks are done more in an emotional, sneaky way. She had made my whole wedding planning process a nightmare, my parents are divorced, she dosn’t believe in marriage and thinks its stupid. She was highly negative the entire time, bringing up how horrible my father was to her. She pulled the biggest tantrum you would have ever seen when I told her he was walking me down the aisle and would drill it into my brain that I was a horrible daughter. That I do not appreciate anything she has done for me and that me having a relationship with my dad was an attack on her. If I do not visit her every weekend or respond to her texts a second after she sends them, I get the guilt trip. She thinks everyone is out to get her and that everyone secretly has bad intentions towards her. She believes all men cheat and that our marriage is going to end up in divorce because he will have an affair. She actually said this to me and she is always saying negative things about him. She thinks that my MIL is taking me away from her somehow.

My husband is just bewildered by her, always has been. He says she seems to be very manipulative and neurotic. Um….I had to grow up with this, how do you think I feel?!

Yet, he married me anyway. So, that just shows you that some men are willing to put up with a lot (even a pyscho MIL) for the women they love.

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