- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 1999
BF and I had been together for 6 years.
One of my sisters and her Fiance also attended (we all road in the same car).
My Aunt and Uncle were already at the house (visiting from out of state).
(No one in my family likes my Dad’s wife (they’ve only been married since 2007). She’s petty, terrible, vindictive, crazy, manupulative, passive/aggressive, a drunk/lush, etc. We all dread going to my Dad’s because she never leaves us alone with him, EVER.)
Up until dinner we all sat in the sitting room drinking and talking. Wife had been socially ackward and ridiculous the entire time.
She kept asking me if I ever received coal from Santa. Which I actually had! My Mom found a lump of coal in a tin, bought it, and gave it to me one Christmas when I was in my teen years (mostly as a joke).
Without realizing the corrilation of coal to diamonds. I didn’t even know she was hinting at diamonds/engagement until at the end of the night when my sister and my bf told me that’s what she meant.
Duh! Sorry I don’t think about diamonds and engagement rings all the time!
She was also pestering my BF about when he was going to propose, where, with what ring, etc. (But I didn’t know this. I just saw that she forced him to sit next to her and that she’s occasionally whisper something to him.)
At the time, BF’s Mom was living in another country. So he just said he’d propose to me when we went to visit her. (Just to get her to shut up about it. He tried asking her numorous times to stop asking because it was the time or the place and he didn’t want to risk me hearing anything.)
After several other things were said and everyone became so fed up with Wife they they left the living room.
We all piled into the small diving room for a dinner of fresh lobster (which Wife wouldn’t shut up about how amazing it was and expensive and bs like that).
Near the end of dinner Wife asked my BF to go into their study and see if he could get their computer working. (He’s a computer whiz and had his own small business at the time.)
He begrudgingly follows Wife out of the dining room. At least 15 minutes later he appears, looking bewildered slightly.
(I just figured she had said something stupid and that I’d hear about it on the car ride home.)
At the end of our visit everyone was hugging.
My sister refused to hug Wife. My Dad tried to physically push my sister into a hug with Wife. Wife noticed and started screaming about being disrespected in her home and how my sister was ungrateful and bs, bs, bs.
It ended with my Aunt and myself in tears. I put my hands up in the air and said, “I’d done with this. Dad I love you and I guess I’ll talk to you later.”
I walked out of the house. BF followed. As did my sister and her FI (who stated very loudly, that “His soon to be wife, was not going to be treated or disrespected like that and if my Dad ever wanted to see his grandkids, this was never going to happen again.” (They have no kids, but will more than likely have them in the future. He had every right to say this to my Dad, his Wife is a wretch.)
My Aunt and Uncle followed us out the door giving us teary eyed hugs and kisses while we all apologized for this having to happen and said that we loved them.
We got in the car and left. Right after we pulled out of the driveway onto the main road. My BF pulled a massive pile of crumpled up money out of his pocket and gave it to me.
Me, “What the hell is this?”
BF, “While I was in the den, Wife barricaded the doorway with her body and started shoving $20 bills in my hands asking me how much I needed in order to propose to you. She wouldn’t let me leave and wouldn’t stop giving me money. I tried to give it back to her, she started shoving it in my front shirt pocket.”
Me, “WTF, why didn’t you call out my name?”
BF, “I didn’t want to cause a problem or ruin the night. I don’t know your Aunt and Uncle very well and didn’t want to bring them into the situation. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. She literally would not move her body out of the doorway so that I could leave. I didn’t want to try to move her and give her an excuse to say I assulted her!”
Me, “WTF! No one has this amount of cash laying around without a reason. She *ucking planned this! (tons more swearing, etc.)”
We counted the money….$1200.00 cash.
I ended up writing an e-mail since I couldn’t get a hold of him any other way.
5 days after Thanksgiving I sent him this e-mail:
Last night on our drive home. BF informed me that during the entire night Wife was hounding, harassing, and constantly asking him questions about why he has yet to propose. He told her repeatedly that is was not a money issue, he was waiting for the right time, this was not the time/place to talk about this, he would e-mail her, etc. During the end of the time in the sitting room with the trains he finally just told her he was going to propose on a trip. During dinner she also whispered to him continuously about wedding plans, about when he was doing it, etc. When Wife took BF into the study to fix her computer, she left and went into another room for a moment….came back and blocked the doorway. She would not let him leave, repeatedly asked him how much money he needed for a ring (among other things), he repeated yet again that it was not a money issue, he had a ring, etc. She took out a wad of money, he backed away again, saying he didn’t need any money and that money was not the issue. She began stuffing money into his shirt pocket….”…..is $1000 ok? do you need more?…” He did not want to raise his voice, disturb the dinner, and/or cause a scene. He finally just gave her a hug and said something to the effect of “….I guess thanks is all I can say right now about this…” He put the money in his pants, otherwise it would have been hanging out of his shirt pocket during the rest of dinner. He could not leave the room….Wife was blocking the door….he was terribly uncomfortable and did not want to cause a scene.
Due to leaving so suddenly. I found out about this the moment we got in the car to go home.
I counted the money when we got home. $1200.00
What do you want to do about the money? Wife has made it abundantly clear that BF needs to propose and needs money for a ring. Wife’s continually comments about me wanting coal for Christmas (a diamond), asking when I am going to Italy, when I am going on a trip; are none of her concern and between BF and myself.
I do not know if you knew this had happened last night. I have tried to call your cell phone (wasn’t able to leave a message) and called your home phone (left a message).
Let me know ASAP what you want to do about the money.
I tried to call my Dad. He said he wouldn’t talk to me about it.
That it was between him and my BF. LIKE HELL IT IS! Sorry Dad, my BF and me are together, we don’t lie or exclude each other for any reason.
He refused to talk to me about it anymore. My BF refused to talk to him about it because my Dad refused to talk to me about it.
6 days after Thanksgiving my Dad sent me an e-mail reponse:
“Just hold onto it for the moment please.”
8 days after Thanksgiving this was the last e-mail reponse sent to him:
“I put the money into the bank account you have access to. I sent a check in the amount of $1200.00 to your business address.”
This was the last time we ever spoke about the money or anything that happened that night.
Since that time I have spoken to him 5 or 6 times.
I can’t be around his Wife anymore. If he won’t stop her or himself from acting like this then I can’t keep trying to put on a happy face.
BF proposed 6/10, it was the first vacation we had been able to take in over two years. He proposed on a gondola ride at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas. Super cheesy, but a total surprise (that is all I asked, was that I be totally caught off guard.). He even got our friends that were on the ride with us to TAPE IT (without me knowing!!!!).
I called my Dad and his response was, “Well, if you had taken the money you could have gotten engaged on the eiffel tower.”