My dad asked his girlfriend to marry him today and I am not happy

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  It sounds like you are being a really loving and caring daughter and just trying to look out for your dad. It also sounds like you have some really legitimate concerns. She really does sound like a gold digger. Could you try suggesting a prenup so he at least has some financial protection in the event this marriage goes like the other ones?

Post # 4
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your dad is a grown man and he’s probably not an idiot. He knows more about this woman’s past than you ever will, and he chooses to continue to see her. So he accepts it and knows the risks. You’re not going to change his mind so you should probably focus on accepting their relationship too. Otherwise, you’ll damage your relationship with him and he will still marry her anyway. Honestly you can’t tell someone what to do, especially when he believes he’s found love.

Post # 5
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  Wow i’m so sorry this is a difficult situation for you! I can’t relate (my parents both remarried but thankfully to partners I adore) but for your sake I hope you guys are able to work through this.

How is your relationship with her aside from what frustrates you in terms of their relationship? Is she a nice person? How are they as a couple? Do you think they could be geniunely happy or does it seem like a bit of a farse and she’s purely after money? (I’ve been in this situation with a family member.. he married a total golddigger who we all disliked for a multitude of reasons, the whole situation basically tore apart the family and its never been the same since, they’re now divorced and she continues to make family life hell HOWEVER she was not nice on any level and that was obvious)

Could there still be some good qualities to your dads FI that are just difficult for you to see right now? Understandably your hesitant given her history.. it does raise questions.. but I say give it some time – you don’t need to be closely involved with it all right now if it’s hard for you to process, maybe sit down with your dad at some stage and have a mature conversation about it and go from there. Good luck!

 

Post # 6
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Horseradish:  +1

I hope you find some peace in this situation eventually OP.

Post # 7
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes dads get into some shit. It happens. I’m sorry. I hope your dad ends up happy.

Post # 8
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ok here’s the thing, your dad is a grown up. Is it possible she is a total golddigger? Yes Is it also possible he knows and for whatever reason (loneliness, etc) doesn’t care? Also yes. I know he is your dad, and I totally get wanting to look out for him…but this is his decision (or mistake) to make. The thing about couples is that there is so much that goes on behind closed doors that you will never see or be privy to. I know he’s your dad, but I’m going to bet he isn’t perfect either. Maybe they have decided to accept one another, flaws (including a flawed past) and all.

If she is going to be his wife, you can either learn to live with it, or lose your relationship with your dad. As his adult child, it really isn’t your place to have a say in who he chooses to be with, just as he has no say in who you choose.

And in terms of “people like her ruining marriage”. She doesn’t have that power. She can ruin her own marriage, but she can only affect yours if you choose to let her. Their relationship has absolutely nothing to do with your impending engagement, and you can’t let it affect that, or you will regret it later.

Give it some time…let it sink in.

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

at least make sure he gets a pre-nup.

Post # 10
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think the best thing you can do here is ask your dad to make sure he signs a prenup. Tell him that you would be willing to give your blessing 100% if he did that. This way, it protects him. And she shouldn’t have a problem signing a prenup if she isn’t after his money anyway.

Post # 11
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t know how some women can do it. Like four engagements?! I found it hard enough to find ONE guy I want to marry lol. Geez.

Like PP have said, there isn’t much you can do. I’d be upset too but you can’t really do much.

Post # 12
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This answer might be a little harsh, but if your dad is happy, you need to be happy for him and let the rest go.  He’s an adult, he’s chosen the person he wants to marry, and you need to respect that and look for the good in her.  Perhaps you don’t know the whole story.  Maybe your dad was making a joke that he didn’t have enough money to date her before.  What if she’s just a really loving and trusting person who fell for the wrong guy multiple times? Don’t assume the worst.  Give her the benefit of the doubt, and try to get to know her.  Focus on how happy she makes your dad. Being against the marriage will only affect your relationship with your dad negatively, and it puts him in an extremely awkward position.

Post # 13
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

 Well, if I’m reading the timeline correctly, she had a ~3 year old kid the first time she could have dated your dad, so it’s not surprising she decided not to pursue a relationship if he didn’t have much in the way of assests and unreliable income.

Past that, he’s an adult and it’s his decision.

 

Also, really, she’s “ruining marriage”? Hell, she’s had a string of bad relationships and is still willing to try again. Seems to me like she has more faith in the institution than you do.

Post # 14
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sara_tiara:  +1000

OP I’m sorry this is hurting you, but whether it’s your parents, children, other family members or friends, they will do things in their lives that you don’t agree with or feel hurt by. Though you may feel that they are making a mistake or that they’re headed for pain, ultimately it is their experience to go through. Each of us has our own path. You can only control your reaction to this situation, either distance yourself from your father because you disagree with his life choices or try to be supportive and positive towards him and his FI. Whichever you choose, I hope it gives you peace of mind. 

Post # 15
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m sorry but your dad is an adult, he can marry whomever he pleases. Is it this particular woman your dad is marrying that bothers you or the fact that your dad is marrying at all? She may have had a run of bad luck in the marriage department yes, but maybe she is getting it right this time? As PPs said you don’t know every single detail about their relationship, so you can’t be sure that she is a gold digger just because your dad is supporting her and her two kids. A lot of bees here are SAHMs, and they aren’t gold diggers, as far as I know anyway. Your Dad may be marrying a gold digger but that is his decision, it is his money after all. If he, not you, is really worried about his money, then maybe a prenup would be a good idea.

As for your engagement to SO, don’t worry about it until it actually happens. You will still get your time to enjoy it, and someone else’s negative experiences with marriage should not affect you.

Post # 16
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I can totally relate to this because I can’t stand my dad’s on-and-off girlfriend and if he got engaged to her, I’d absolutely lose it.  I am so sorry, OP!  I agree with PPs to suggest a prenup.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors