My Dad has Hijacked my Proposal…?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly? I would tell my father to shove it. Your SO was trying to be respectful by asking (who says no, seriously!?!?!?!) and now your dad is just being an ass by holding it over your head.

Post # 3
Hostess
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

missjz:  Unfortunately the best advice I can give is to forget about dad’s approval and just hope you get his blessing when you visit him already engaged. I knew a girl who’s father was against her marrying her SO until he had a certain level of success (money wise)…well this girl insists that her SO get her fathers approval before becoming engaged…well that would take a long time….but she was always upset that her SO was taking so long to propose….you see the vicios circle here?

 I say it’s a nice gesture to get the approval but you don’t need it……..just tell your SO to forget your dad because your dad is playing games and isn’t serious in the matter…it’s the best option in your situation (well at least that is what I wold tell you if I was your friend)

Post # 4
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would just move on with out Dad. You guys kindly gave him an inch and he’s taking a mile.

Post # 5
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am sorry your father is putting that stress on you! I would be pissed at him because it is not like you guys have the closest relationship. He is lucky your FI even bothered to ask him due to tradition and respect. It is strange your father is dragging his feet to a daughter he is not close with. Not to mention making you guys fly out there to visit him! Like I said, I am sorry the stress you are going through.

What about your FI and dad doing skype sessions? That way they can speak face to face and they can get to know eachother a bit better? Then after a few chats you guys can see if your father is just playing games or really disapproves of him. Either way, live your life and be happily married with or withot his approval. Hopefully your father is just trying to form a closer relationship with you both and this proposal was his strange way of trying to spend time with you guys.

Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

So your SO asked your dad for his approval, and your dad has been “dragging his heels” and not saying an “official yes” and NOW has decided that he WILL give approval but only if you two pay to travel to him so that he can meet your SO in person? What do you think the chances are that you will travel to your dad and he will then come up with a DIFFERENT hoop your SO has to jump through? (This was the first thought that sprang to my mind, but I could be totally off base.) I think your SO should email/call your dad and say, “Look, it’s super important to missjz that we get engaged now and not wait. The ring is ready. It would mean a lot to us if you’d give your approval.” (Or you could email/call your dad and express the same sentiment.) I don’t think you have to add, “But if you don’t give your approval, we’re doing it anyway because we are grown ass adults,” but I think it should be there in the background of your mind.

Post # 7
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you are already engaged, announce it already.

Post # 8
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can get that you would want to meet the person that plan to marry your child, but your dad really don’t seem to try to make things easier for you guys. When did your SO first ask for his permission? It sounds like it was a while ago and your dad has just been avoiding an answer ever since – which is incredibly immature.

If you have the time/means to go out and see him, I would simply tell him that you’re coming out at once to have the discussion. If that doesn’t work, well too bad, then you’ll just go ahead without his blessing.

Post # 9
Member
817 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s nice that your fiance wanted to be respectful and ask for permission but personally, I wouldn’t have wanted him to since you have a poor relationship with your parents.  Your fiance is being respectful of someone who frankly doesn’t deserve his respect.  And if my dad sued me I sure as hell wouldn’t want his “permission” anyways

Post # 13
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Jijitattoo:  I don’t think that would be in the back of my mind.  If that was my dad, I would be very close to telling him “We are grown ass adults.  My SO is offering you respect by asking.  Now pay him the same respect back by telling him yes.”  I would also be calling my father personally and telling him this. 

Also, I might be pretty blunt with my SO about what this means to me.  “It’s wonderful that you are traditional and want to ask, but my father isn’t involved in my life.  He donated half his genetic code to make me.  That is pretty much the end of his involvement in my current life.  Please don’t hold up our happiness seeking the approval of a man that doesn’t mean that much to me.”

Post # 14
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

I respect that your FI wants to seek his approval and do things traditionally, but it’s clear that your dad is manipulating this situation to his own benefit.  If your FI is the one who believes so strongly in this, I would have him make the final decision.  A month would be a drop in the bucket if this is truly an important and meaningful gesture to your FI.  Personally, I would not go through with meeting with him.  He sounds manipulative and as one of the PP’s mentioned, what’s to stop him from making other road blocks in the process.  If declining his offer causes him to end the relationship or not attend the wedding, that is his choice and problem, not yours or your FI’s.  

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