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My dad is extremely religious. Every time I have a conversation with him, he tries to “save” me. He reads the Bible loudly when I’m in the room, stopping when I leave, reading again when I come back, asks me questions about my faith regularly (that I say I don’t want to talk about), asks me why/what I have to hide when I say I don’t want to talk about it, and is constantly talking about his Bible, the glory of God, the Truth, and how I donj’t know anything.

Now, my dad and I have somewhat different beliefs. I’m a little more liberal and I don’t just take what he says as “truth”, but rather, as a theory. My dad honestly feels he is like, the only RIGHT person in the world, that everybody else has it wrong and that I need to listen to him or else I’ll be going down the wrong path.

His newest tactics include asking me if I want to see him, my mom, and my brother when I die (which is only possible in heaven he says) and is a total guilt trip, telling me things like my endometriosis and jaw pain are God saying “hey look at me, you’re neglecting me” and telling me I need to pray more. He has also referred to me as a “God hater” because I won’t listen to HIM. But really it hurts me that when he calls to see how my dentist/dr/etc appointments go, he says my pain is because God is trying to tell me something, and that he'll pray for me. It's just not helpful. If anything, it makes me feel a million times worse. You don't tell someone in pain  that their pain is because God is saying "pay attention to me". It really ticks me off. It's an assenine thing to say.

All I ask is that my dad be respectful of me and try not to shove his religious viewpoints down my throat. But he does it more and more and I’m really getting frustrated. I cannot talk to him without God coming up. Every conversation. I’ve tried talking to him about it, saying he needs to stop, and he says, “but I’m telling you THE TRUTH” and that I must listen to him. Then asks why I push The Truth away and what’s my problem with God. What? I’m a Christian! Ugh! It's like talking to a brick wall. And when I talk to my mom about it, she says, “oh your dad is just doing the best he can. He thinks he’s doing the right thing, just appease him, he's right, you know?”. She has told him before it’s disrespectful, but he does not get it. He thinks the more he pushes, the better, and someday I’ll wake up and say, “boy, I want a relationship with God and I want my DAD to teach me all about it”. I’ve told him many times this is my own path, my own journey, and I simply ask he leaves me alone about it. But he won’t. It's not good enough b/c it's not what HE wants me to believe.

Any advice on how to get him to back off? It puts me in a really bad mood to call to talk to my mom, then she says “hey your dad wants to say hi” then he launches into a sermon about how God is great and how I don’t know what I’m missing out on, etc. I set the phone in the cupholder of my car until I can no longer hear his voice. It's intense. Anybody else have very extremely religious parents with differing viewpoints?  I want some space and I don’t know how to avoid it. The more I pull back, the harder he pushes. And I have my reasons for not wanting my dad to teach me about God—his viewpoints are full of hate and things I can’t get on board with. He preaches things I do NOT want to be associated with. I would like it if every conversation we had wasn’t about God and how I need to be converted.

Thanks for reading, I know it's long. I got a nice big fat sermon after I saw an orthodontist today and it really soured my mood and DH is out of ideas.

thanks spaganya, that's exactly what i was looking for! I think my dad is behaving in a way that is unbecoming and truth be told, it DOES push me away, and then i have to find my own way back. It is so frustrating! Hopefully that stops the inquiries, but I don't think I can stop him from just talking about God all the time. It's indirect and irritates me.

I know my dad will challenge me somehow (he likes to ask, "now, i just have to ask, do you believe in evolution?" knowing damn well i'm a scientist and I acknowledge theories in general) and try to wedge me up because I DON'T know as much as him and I really try to avoid but damn it's hard! He's condescending with his questioning. It is NOT respectful. But i'm also not retired and I don't spend 10+hours/day reading and learning so he'll always have the upper hand. I get my hands on what I can get them on and what seems like it'd interest me. I'm really just trying to get him to take a step back. I've tried chopping conversations short, only calling my mom, etc, but he still finds ways to be sneaky about it and get under my skin. The man is relentless!

@egb, I'm the same way. It's a private issue with me. It's personal. If i say "let's not talk about it", i really mean that. I don't mean "no, really, bug the sh*t out of me even though I asked you nicely to stop". I want it to be "my" path, not influenced by people around me. But i don't see how i can just say, "hey dad, stop talking about God to me. It's annoying to hear about the rainbows and the glorious lakes and the fish He gifted you". It's 24/7!

Sadly, he does this to my husband, too. When we went to go visit two months ago, Dad sat DH down for a Bible Lesson. And when I asked dad to stop, he basically yelled at me and when my mom tried to get him to stop, he told her to shut up. It wasn't good.

Sigh. Thanks for the well wishes, though. I'm just so fed up with it.

Ah, more comments while i was writing!

@daydreamwanderer, yes, i have told him that his constant preaching is a turn off and the LAST thing it makes me want to do is go read or pray myself. He has told me that's stupid, that I should never be sick of God. The way you phrased it is good. Sadly, i don't think my dad will see it as belittling--he'll say that i'm being sensitive. He'll "warn" me when he's going to say stuff that'll irritate me and tell me to stay calm, he's only talking. But in reality, his word choices are very poor and condescending. And a lot of is indirect--he's not trying to convert me at that moment, but all he can talk about is The Glory, The Truth, the wonders of God, etc etc etc. It's like, "gag, i get it already".

@locket, YES, it's awful. Sadly, it's not even like we are of different religions. I AM Christian, that's why it's so damn frustrating. It's little technicalities, and I've tried telling him I don't care about those--they aren't my focus right now. It's not like i'm saying I DON'T believe. And yeah, my dad believes that aliens are actually demons, coming to and from our world (a la that movie, The Fourth Kind) and that mental issues/diseases are not real, they're all in your head, and you should pray about it. I'll definitely PM you about it. It's embarassing to tell people these things! It's wonky! And i can't say I know a soul who actually has this problem.

@Nightmaiden, wow that's so great your grandma was understanding! I don't know that I can talk about how passionate I am--i'm not quite to that point, and it's not something i'm comfortable with (i'm just private about it). if i tell my dad i'm liberal and believe in gay rights, for example, he'll point to a bible verse and say, "you're wrong. God says it's wrong" and i'm like, "that's not the point." But i also feel kinda silly trying to convince my dad, "look, i'm a Christian and I believe in God" because it's the OTHER details he tries to talk about or rather, nit pick about.

@lilyfaith, i can't even imagine! Well, my dad has called me an atheist before, just to be a jerk. I wish I coudl talk to him about it--i literally feel like i'm talking to a brick wall!

My dad even goes to his friends' houses to "teach them" about God. Then tells me how so-and-so said somethng and got them all confused. So, Dad to the rescue.

@spaganya, my father believes things have been "planted" to throw us off, and doesn't believe in things like Carbon Dating. Science-based discussions do not go well and says that scientific theories are crock basically. So that's his solution to having a discussion with me on something I know a lot about. Completely contradictory.

@Arachna, that's an interesting approach I'm willing to try, although I'm pretty sure I know how that'll end up =]. And, i have told my mom, many, many, MANY times that I feel dad is being disrespectful, that he's pushing me away, and that this is WHY i only talk to him sparingly. She just says to brush it off, that's your dad, he just loves you. I don't know why it's not sinking it, but it surely isn't and getting my mom to talk to my dad doesn't really work. This is how the "my daughter is a God Hater" discussion came up in the first place. He equates not listening=God Hater. Actually, they want to travel with us in February and DH is already saying he's not sure he can handle the religious barrage for a week. 

@cbee, my father is too much like your mother. He does not take kindly to being sat down and spoken to like he's in the wrong. Not to mention that's a hard discussion to have over the phone. He feels he is right SO MUCH I guess, that any push back he gets from me he sees as a personal challenge to bring me closer to God. I just don't comprehend it! Even when he was point blank giving DH a Bible Lesson, i told him this was disrespectful and it needed to stop, that my husband doesn't need to be lectured at about a religion he is completely comfortable with and he basically just ignored me and asked why I'm not open to The Truth. My dad doesn't like to be told what to do by other people and simply wouldn't listen--he is "man of the house" in a traditional household...even if we live 5 hours away from each other.

@aunt pol, i have frequently hung up on my dad or said, "hey i have to go" when he starts yelling (rarely) or just gets pissy and indignant that I don't soak up what he has to say. Usually I don't bother to talk to him for a few days. But then he just acts like it never happened and the cycle begins.

Next time I'm on the phone with Dad and he tells me to "pray about it" or "God is telling you to listen" or goes on and on and on about how lovely reading his bible for 5 hours that morning was a or uses any of these other subtle-yet-obvious tactics, how should I tell him to stop? Just interrupt him and say....what? How do I get him to stop the OPINION comments, versus the questions/inquiries. I'm truly afraid that nothing will work and it will never stop.

I promise I"m not trying to take everyone's advice and just say "that won't work" and rebunk everyone. I really just don't know how to deal with this man. Usually my mom is a good person to talk to to get through to him, but she has been, essentially (in my opinion) brainwashed and manipulated by him (C'mon, the man uses my deceased brother to get her to believe more) and feels he can do no wrong when trying to bring his daughter and God closer together.  I guess they feel like it's for "my own good". After all, dad's helped "others" (aka friends of his) see the light. Why not their own kid?

UGH, BARF. That's how I feel about all of this! It makes me angry and makes me sick, truly. Maybe i should tell him that all his religious yap turns me away from God and if he'd just SHUT UP about it and trust me enough to leave me alone, I'd be able to find spiritual peace. Because for the past few months, my biggest hurdles have been "Christians" in my life, not Christianity or God, ya know? 

@troubled, yeah, that's been my current tactic, well in addition to setting the phone down, lol. He just goes on and on! At first I thought he'd get tired of talking about it, but it appears he doesn't =P. You're right, he does a lot of talking "at" me, that's exactly what it is. Maybe he just likes to hear his own voice, haha. Thanks for your quote from Ghandi, that is my #1 issue, for sure. A small group of people really ruin it for everyone I think, and give a very poor stereotype.

So basically, there's no way to get him to respect me enough to get him to stop. Maybe my only option is to appease him and bobble my head at him. I was afraid of that =(. Sadly, probably b/c it's the honest truth.

@lamb, you're right that it's probably to the point where i need to just tell him to stop the God talk to/at/around me, or I'm going to hang up every time he does it. Maybe he'll get the picture. After all, it's not like he can threaten me with anything--fully independent, ya know? Or, next time he visits, I'll hide his bible from him, lol. "you're only allowed to have this in YOUR room"

@Corgi, i don't know a priest, and sadly, I wouldn't trust my father to behave properly around one. I really just don't think he'd be respectful and polite and I'd be completely mortified. Not to mention I think my dad would absolutely refuse to go to a church with me to meet with one. But maybe the ultimatum about ranting is the way to go.

@greenleafmountain, yeah I'd have to tell him that over the phone. My dad doesn't know how to use email =]. But the way you phrased that conversation comes across perfectly. I don't think it'll stop the "peanut gallery comments" while i'm on the phone with my mom (i can often hear him in the background telling me to pray today or something of that nature)  but I think a few steps back from the increasing intensity would be manageable. If he just made a few comments here and there, i'd brush it off, whatever. But every single conversation, not to mention the condescending ones, are more than i can handle. What i don't get is that I've told my dad numerous times I believe in God. It is not enough. I think it's a combination of #1 and #2. My dad IS a control freak. Always was when we were growing off. Pretty sure he gets off on being in charge. It's not like he's ever had a boss to respect/listen to--he's always been his own. And we did have a traditional household growing up. I think he IS concerned, but I do truly believe he feels he is the teacher of all teachers in regards to this. I've heard him do bible study with my mother. He's constantly asking her questions and they're very condescending--like my mother is too stupid to understand the words coming out of his mouth. But thank you very much for your advice. I think it'll be the first best approach with him. I can get more extreme if it's ineffective. I'll just tell him, "i didn't call to talk about God and hear how wonderful He is. I called to talk to you about your vacation/how mom is doing/did you catch any fish this morning?" and tell him that if he continues speaking about God to me, I'll continually hang up. I know my poor mother will get trapped between us-he'll be telling her to tell me stuff and complaining to her.

A conversation I had yesterday or two days ago shouldn't still be putting me in such a bad mood. Not. Cool.

I am not knowledgeable enough to “fight fire with fire”. I’m just not there yet. That’s why I feel having a discussion with my dad is out of the question.

@KLP, lol, yeah my dad freaks about catholic stuff, I'll leave that out =]. One of my best friends is catholic and she and my dad got into a discussion once. She is quite capable of handling a discussion like this but it was sad to watch it unfold because my dad was rude to her and later told me she's going to hell. So sad. And wow, your friend has had it ROUGH! Yikes. I know my dad used to forbid shorts and stuff when we were little, and has mellowed on some things over time. That spandex shorts story is hilarious, btw =]. I used to have to wear spandex volleyball shorts to class a lot and I always felt so nekkid and weird.

@crayfish, oh, I’d LOVE to live somewhere more liberal and respectful, but we are actually from Southern California, so there’s no excuse. =]. Thankfully, my husband's family is all pretty laid back and we never hear mum from them about this. It's really only my dad we're getting pummeled with!

@mariavvisa, thanks for the book recommendation. I’m sure at some point I’d be interested in a more in-depth study of faith vs. evolution.

@Dorsay, that was a really interesting post. I’ll have to digest it a little more and tweak it to see how/if it’d work with my dad. It involves asking/being curious about another’s faith and unfortunately I think I’m at a point where I’m simply not interested in my dad’s opinions/thoughts, nor engaging in a conversation with him.

@alphajuliet, my father does not have a minister nor attend church, for he believes they are all corrupted and teaching false doctrine.

@TTLT, you know, the random people don’t bother me so much (got that in college!). I tend to write those folks off (also the ones who come knocking on my door) but I really have a hard time with my father, naturally. Truncating phone calls is such an immature way to handle it, but he’s asking for it.

Thank you so much for your advice, everyone. I really, truly appreciate it. I know I’ll have an opportunity to put all the advice and kind words to good use within 48 hours. =]