Post # 1
WOW… So I have posted about my step dad before and this is NOT about him…
So my Biological sperm donor as we used to call him called me up and asked if we could do a DNA test. I was a little confused and wondered if he didnt think i was his why would he wait until i was 21 and had to pay child support for 18 years… But i agreed to it… If he isnt my real father I need to know….
So we did he dna cheek swab thing.
The test results took alot longer than i thought they would to show up (I blame TV crime shows)
But I am not his daughter…
That means that my mom put me threw years of heart break and thinking i had a POS dad who did love me and all along he was never my dad…
AND on top of that i told my mom the results (she didnt know i was getting the test done) and she is pissed at ME? She will not tell me who my real father is or anything….
I dont know what to do…
Post # 3
@ShandaK: what is your mother’s reasoning for not telling you? Does she think this man is dangerous?
ETA: I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁
Post # 4
Wow, that’s crazy! I agree, it’s strange for him to ask this after paying child support for all this time, but your mother’s reaction is very odd… maybe she’s shocked because she believed him to be your father?
Post # 5
@ShandaK: Wow. Do you have any idea why after all these years your “dad” wanted a DNA test?
Had you had a lot of contact with him prior to this request?
I guess I can see a little why your mom would be upset that you did this without telling her, but now that the truth is known she should let you know who your dad is (if she knows).
Post # 6
@ShandaK: Wow. This is a lot to go through. I think you should just give your mom a little time. She might just feel embarassed by the situation. She will also have to pay back the child support if he takes her to court.
Post # 7
Holy cow! I’m really sorry you are having to deal with that. **warm hugs**
Maybe your mother feels like you went behind her back? Maybe she has ill feelings towards your real father? It’s definitely not ok you’ve been lied to all along. Maybe with a little time she will come around?
Post # 8
@ShandaK: I agree with SoontobeMrsA – what is her reasoning? I’m sorry she was mad at you but was she at least surpised to find this out?
Post # 9
Well My mom wont tell me anything about him she still claims that he is my father i showed her the dna test but still she keeps telling me, I dont know what your talking about.
I talked to her before and she told me that my step dad now is the only guy she hasnt cheated on? Seriously my mother told me this..
I Just want to know who my dad is maybe i have other siblings?
And im feeling kinda odd because i feel like i lost half of my family… I know they would never just leave me…
Post # 10
@ShandaK: Is there any way you can get you birth certificate? Is your real father’s name on it?
Maybe you could approach it from the view that you want to know your biological father so you can have a complete medical history. You’ll want to know that if/when you decide to have a family of your own.
Post # 11
@KatNYC2011: Actually next to no contact for years but I contacted him to try to get info on finding my sister crystal (who i thought was my half sister) and he gave me the info he had then a week later sent me a text message with the request.
and no i dont know why he wanted it i didnt really ask him… I kinda figured that it would say it was his kid then that would be that…
And actually she will not have to pay child support back because my older sister is his kid and the child support was a lump sum so if she had to pay back anything it would only be 2 years and he owes ALOT more than 2 years..
Post # 12
@KatNYC2011: I have 2 kids (I know a bit early because im 21) But thats why i told her i needed it I have probably 10X the medical problems as anyone else in my family… I want to know if he is the missing link to some of this….
I just can belive my mom
Post # 13
WOW I am really sorry that you are going through this.
I think that it may be a huge shock to your mom right now. Hopefully after a little time, she will come around and tell you.
Hopefully everything works out for you.
Post # 14
Oh goodness, that is some news. I can’t even imagine ho you feel. I agree your mom could be feeling very embarrassed and ashamed, whether she knew from the beginning he wasn’t your father or not. I hope you’re able to get the information you need from her. Good luck!
Post # 15
This sounds complicated. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Have you thought of approaching it with your mom from the family medical history view? Just let her know that you would like to know of any other possible men who could be your father so that you have your family medical history. Good luck
Post # 16
I think your mom is upset, maybe because she’d taken it for granted for so long and maybe there is something in her past she’d thought would remain buried, was sashmed of, or maybe she just honeslty put herself in a situation where she doesn’t know who cold be your father. Geez, I’m sorry you found this out like this, and that she’s not helping.
I guess in one way it’s good to know now instead of even later in life should your kids need some sort of medical help tht can only come from a blood relative, and have you find out that way with all the other stres that’d be involved. I will say this, even thought I know it’s hard to accept: Family is who you love, regardless of much DNA you do or don’t share with them I am realted to several people I didn’t meet till I was almost out of high schol – people who have ignored my my whole life til then, treted me like crap for 4 years after meeting me because I had the tenacity to be the only mom-drug abusing honor student in the family, and when my (unfortunetly biolgically related) a$$hole father kicked me out at 19, they all took his side and I haven’t spoken to any of them in 15 years now. BUT, I have friends I’ve known almost 15-16 years who have been my ‘family’, and my BF’s family, thought it pains me we’re not married, have been there for me above and beyond what any biological family has done for me.
So, if you are close to any of the Potential if Improbable Sperm Donor’s children or other relatives, you’re still their family, regardless of what genes you are carrying around.
**Sorry for all the typos – hands not behaving at all today.**