My dad is sick with cancer and on chemo, how will I not cry down the aisle?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Bless your heart! I can’t imagine how hard that is. I don’t have any good advice, really 🙁 Just be so very thankful that he’s there to spend it with you! Try to focus on the love and excitement that everyone there is feeling for you and your FI. I’ll be praying for you and your dad both!

Post # 4
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so sorry about this!  What a horrible thing to go through.


i don’t have any advice for what you’re asking for, just know that it’s ok to cry.  We cry because our feelings are powerful things.  there’s no shame in that.  Your wedding will be a day of love, where people will be gathered to celebrate a joyous occasion.  

Post # 7
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just take a few deep breaths and remind yourself how fortunate you are to have your dad there. Mine passed away a few years before I got married, and although walking down the aisle was a tough moment, seeing everyone else there supporting me, kept the tears at bay.

Post # 9
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@cieritaqt:  If you figure out, let me know! I lost my dad four years ago so I know I’ll be crying down the aisle.

It’s good to hear that your dad is doing well with the chemo. I’m glad he will be there to witness this part of your life, and hopefully many more milestones. My only advice is to try to keep your head clear of sad thoughts. I’ve had many times when I was at work or somewhere else where the sadness just hit me, but I didn’t want to cry and have everyone staring at me. Usually I’ll make a conscious effort to clear my head and think of something else. So as you’re walking down the aisle, focus on your FI at the end of it and how happy he looks, on the smiles of your friends and family, on how beautiful the decorations are, etc.

Or maybe try this…try to have a private moment with your dad before all of the commotion of the day starts. Get your tears out early, before makeup and all. I find that even when I am having a rough day with lots of things that remind me of my dad, I usually just need to get the tears out and I’m good. It’s easier to hold them back the next time.

Post # 10
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@cieritaqt:  Awe sweetie i am so sorry, its good the treatment is going well so far…. i would focus on the beauty of the moment and breaht deeply try and enjoy it knowing how you are going to feel will help you can prepair you can work through your emotions maybe try and have a few good cries b4 hand 

Post # 11
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m really sorry to hear about you father. 

My advice would be to try to make your rehearsal as emotional and realistic as possible. If you are able, play your wedding music or a song that will make you cry as you walk down the aisle. If you can get a lot of that emotion out the day or two before the wedding, you will likely be more calm and prepared on your actual wedding day, because you will have already experienced that feeling somewhat. 


I wish you the best of luck on your special day. 

Post # 12
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

OK – I will give you my take as a two time (orphaned as a child) bride and about to be 4th time MOB….

But first, a question – will your dad be able to be at your wedding?  I’m not clear on that part.  I do hope so…

First things first – stop looking at your Dad as a “cancer patient”, just look at him as Dad.  My MIL battled breast cancer and it was terribly upsetting to her when people looked at her as a cancer patient and forgot she was Mom, or Jean, or whomever she was to you.  She was  Mom, Jean, Whomever – she just happened to have breast cancer.  It was a HUGE lesson to me that has served me well a few times now.  I really encourage you and implore you to make sure you see Dad and not cancer.  The change in paradigm makes an amazing difference!

If he is going to be walking down the aisle with you, then sit down with him and tell you need his help to not cry like crazy when you come down the aisle (said the MOB and Nana who can ugly cry at a kid’s soccer game…).  He is your dad – I’ll bet he knows how to help you.  Come up with a plan or silly codeword he can say that will make you laugh instead of cry.

If he can’t be there to walk you down the aisle, still talk with him and ask him to help you figure this out.  He is Dad, he wants to solve your problems, and take care of you.  It was incredibly important to my MIL to be able to take care of her family til the end (diagnosed at stage 4 with a grim diagnosis from the get go, we didn’t have a lot of hope).  We did not take that from her.  She was amazing.

I really like what ImagineDragon24 suggested – play your wedding processional music a lot in the days coming up to the wedding so you can take charge of your emotions as you hear it.  Unfortunately, I had to perform my brother’s eulogy back in 2006 and we were as close as you could possibly get.  I seriously read it out loud 15 or 20 times the night before to deal with some of the emotions so I would not cry so much at the funeral.  I wanted people to hear what I had to say about him instead of guessing because of the gut-wrenching sobbing that would have ensued.  It worked well for me.

Ask  your dad to help you through this – let him take care of you.  Being needed is a wonderful kind of medicine.

Much love and good wishes to you.

Post # 13
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@cieritaqt:  Im so terribly sorry for you. As other PP’s have stated, it is OK to cry.  It is a powerful moment all the way around!

With that said, if you CAN, try to view this not as your dad – the cancer patient – walking you down the aisle, but your dad – the proud Father of the Bride.  Either way, it is still emotional, but hopefully in a celebratory way, and not he way you are currently thinking.  This IS the first and last time he will do this for you, WHICH is not a different scenario had he been healthy, or undergoing chemo.

And, at the very least, what a blessing it is that he will be able to do this with you and for you!!  I know, the entire situation sucks, bc cancer sucks and so does chemo, but no matter what happens, you will have this moment engrained in your head for the rest of your life. Even if it is a moment of tears 🙂  Good luck!

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