Post # 1
So I’ve posted before about my family giving me grief for wanting to get my dress online and not having a traditional ceremony (no minister).
My dad’s still on my case about the minister and surprised that my fiance’s catholic parents couldn’t care less (they figure a catholic marriage would be pointless as I’m not catholic and my fiance doesn’t even attend church). I told him we’ll talk about it, but neither of us want his minister there, the guy barely speaks english and doesn’t even remember our names when we go to my dad’s church, despite me being there multiple times a year and FH being there at least three times now. None of them (the congregation, including long time family friends) even remembered I was engaged!
Then he says that I need to get serious about looking for a dress because it needs to be altered and I should order it now. I told him I was gettig this dress, and showed him it already. I literally said “this is what I want, I love it, I’m going to order it soon.” I’ve already ordered it and paid for it. I know he just wants this to be special for me and to go dress shopping with the family and stuff, but that’s just not what I want. It’s a beach wedding on a budget, I have no money or interest in some fancy gown.
I think a lot of it is him worrying that I’ll get stressed out or miss out on things because he and my mom recently divorced and she’s across the country from us now, but I feel like I’m handling it fine on my own… I just don’t want to disappoint him by having a ‘not so normal’, but more ME wedding. How can I just tell him all this without getting stuck in a weird situation?
Post # 3
*aside* Yay, pretty dress!
Wish I could be more helpful. Try to figure out why he wants speciifc things and provide what he wants in other areas, I think? He probably wants his minister and you to dress shop with your mom because those are his ideas of how families bond during weddings, which is fair. I guess just include him, and your mom when possible, in any wedding things you think he would like but either aren’t that important to you if they get changed, or about which you’ll generally agree with them.
Post # 4
My dad is Catholic, and he sometimes goes to church, usually when he feels he needs extra support, and my grandparents were both practicing Catholics. My mum is Anglican, not overly religious, and didn’t want to get married in a church that wasn’t hers. They compromised, they had a garden wedding and were married by a minister from the uniting church. It was middle ground, not a church but not married by a celebrant either. My mum did it more to appease my dad’s family.
FI really wants to get married in a church, simply because it’s “what his mum would have wanted”. She wasn’t a practicing Catholic, so I feel it’s a bit strange. My dad’s the same as your FIL’s, although FI and I are both Catholic, we don’t go to church so he feels it’s bordering on offensive to get married in a church when we don’t normally attend one.
Post # 5
What a beautiful dress!!! 🙂 It looks so beautiful and romantic! 🙂
My dad, too, is a bit weird about certain things. Oh, and my mum…and his mum…and the bridesmaids. I think it is a really HARD situation to be in sometimes. I went on here and the advice people agve me was ‘stop telling people things’ but that is hard too – beacuase you want to share with your nearest and dearest. My sister got married a few years back and we had the most amazing day, it was seriously the best day of my life. My dad wants the EXACT same thign for mine. He would have me in the same dress, the same venue..everythign the same. It hurts my heart that my family and friends think I’m weird and that it will look ‘dumb’. When I said I was making my flowers they all went quiet – until they saw how nice they were (apart from his mum who is INSISTENT ‘oh you WANT real flowers, you will want real flowes in your hands on the day’). Same with my strassing my shoes, until they saw them. I think that people have a vision (much like we do) and it it changes from what they have they automactically think it will be ‘weird’ or ‘dumb’ or whatever. Everythign WEIRD I’ve shown my family and friends have blown them away – much like your beautiful dress- and I think you just have to stick by your dues (which is hard, I know) and KNOW that your wedding is goign to be beautiful, fun and you. Your dad will love it and probably bang on about it for years, even if you have a ‘weird’ (BEAUTIFUL!!!!) etsy convertable dress and no pastor. Your vision is the most secure, and though your dad has a RIGHT to have his vision for his little girl, please be happy in the knowledge that he will enjoy your big day muchly even if it is higely different from his vision. Its just a pain in the arse to have to listen to people going on about how things will look ‘different’ or ‘too DIY’. 🙁 I over heard my dad discussing my strassed shoes with my mum ‘oh! she’s done a great job hasn’t she?’ mum: ‘yes, she has’ dad: ‘I was VERY worried about these shoes’ mum ”and those flowers’… ahh for people to have faith!
please dont let it get you down, that dress is amazing and even if you dance naked down the non-aisle you’ll have fun and so will everyone else coz you’ll be radiently happy.
Post # 6
Thanks for all your advice ladies. A big part of the problem is that my dad is a major control freak. When he and my mom got married, him and his mother ended up planning everything and she hated it.
I’m just going to tell him I don’t want a traditional dress, I won’t be comfortable with it and I don’t want to be standing in 30+ degree heat in the mid afternoon on a beach in 10 layers of tulle and satin. I think that’s reasonable. Plus the ONE dress I found that I liked was $1400. This one is $200.
As far as his minister, I just don’t know. The major issue is that netiher of us are religious, and I dont’ want a long ceremony. It’s going to be too hot for all the flowery unimportant stuff like unity candles, giving a sermon, verses… none of that interests us. We want to give our vows, kiss, and that be that. If we let his minister do it, what’s the difference? What’s he even going to have to do besides sign the certificate?
Ugh, weddings are frustrating. I wish we could just elope.