(Closed) My dad might not be coming to my wedding – by choice.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh wow, that’s too bad and I’m sorry.  If it were me, I wouldn’t do anything until I knew how I felt about both outcomes.  Either comes and you feel this way, or he doesn’t and you feel that way…once you have that nailed down, you call, find out which one your living with, clearly tell him how you feel and leave it at that.

It’s a shame that you aren’t a priority in his life, you should return the favor and neglect to make him a priority in yours.  I’m certain you have so many people in your life that love and care about you, don’t waste your time or energy on someone who refuses to invest in you.

Post # 4
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I’m really sorry about what’s transpired. It’s natural to what the involvement of BOTH parents in your life, and especially to have them regard you with warmth and kindness – something your dad apparently hasn’t shown you. 

I don’t blame you for being dissatisfied with the conversation you had with him. How the heck do you blame a 12-year-old kid for a relationship rift?! It sounds like he has a lot to work through – namely, taking accountability for his own actions. My nephew’s experiencing something similar with his dad – the dad who forevermore blames nephew’s mom (“She won’t let me see you”)…and yet he never goes to court to get custody arrangements made, randomly skips out on seeing his kid, etc. The actions disagree with the words!

It may not be a bad idea to go to a few therapy sessions surrounding this. A therapist may be able to help you come to terms with the fact that he may not come to the wedding – and that is, of course, no reflection on who you are or what you deserve. That’s a symptom of his own problems. 

Put the focus on the people in your life who do love you and want the best for you. I’m not at all close to my dad – but I have several friends, cousins and an older brother who have shown me love and compassion. Those are the people who will matter on that day – the ones in your life who haven’t skipped out for 10 years, only to come back and blame you for it. 

Best wishes to you. Congratulations on your engagement and wedding!

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