(Closed) My dad said he won’t come to my wedding

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@srdrzdwsk:  Although you haven’t been very close with your Dad growing up it sounds like he is excited for you and wants to be a part of your day.  I think his comment about wearing a tux is exactly that – he is excited and he gets to look spiffy.  I know you have qualms about him being there — but do you truly want him there?  Can you move forward in your life without inviting him or having him know that you want him to be there.  If yes – well, you have your answer.  If no, then my suggestion is to call him and talk to him.  If you just send him an invite, he may feel you are doing it out of protocol and not because you want him there.  

Post # 4
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The way we have our wedding set up, the only ones that really are required to dress up is FI and I.  However, FFIL has stated he IS wearing a tux and my father refuses.  This is one of those situations that I don’t care what people are wearing.  I’m going to have my FSIL’s BF wearing gawdawful red pants I’m sure, one of my witnesses in full Victorian mens garb, and my other witness and BFF probably doing rockabilly, goth or god help me burlesque.

Obviously, we want people to come in what’s most comfortable for them and in all honesty the ONLY thing we care about is a.) they actually wear clothes b.) they come.  All I know is I’m going to have the wierdest wedding photos ever! LOL

Bottom line is, do you want your father to come? If yes, let him wear his tux if that’s what he feels the most comfortable in!

Post # 6
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@srdrzdwsk: It sounds like you’re pretty happy that he isn’t coming, and honestly I wouldn’t bring up the money thing unless he says something. The money is a gift and he’s the one who decided he doesn’t want to come because of the alcohol bit. If you already have the money in your posession then I’d say what’s done is done. “No take backs!” as the children would say.

Post # 7
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am sorry you have to deal with this! I would probably try to give the money back and not invite him, to be honest. I would be worried that if you invited him, he’d show up with a flask or something. However, I would feel uncomfortable keeping the money. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Like another commenter mentioned above, it sounds like your dad is genuinely excited about your wedding. Growing up with alcoholic parents myself, I kind of know where you are coming from, but I also think you need to send your dad an invitation, even if verbally he said he’d never come. First, he did gift you money for the wedding and it would be the polite thing to do, to invite him. Second, he’s your father and you have to consider how much you’d regret not having him at one of the most important days of your life. You may not want him there right now, but in a year, two, ten, when he dies? Will you regret missing this oppertunity to connect with him? To see him in person for the first time in 5 years?

Whatever your decision, I hope things work out for the best!

Post # 9
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

I agree.. it’s not about the tux. From what you said, he might have misinterpreted your alcohol comment. He might see it as a criticism or jab at him and he is probably sensitive about this because he is ashamed by his alcohol problem.

Rather than make it seem as if you are not having alcohol because of him…maybe you can tell him it was too much of an expense or you just didn’t feel it was appropriate for an afternoon wedding, etc.

Post # 10
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I wonder if your dad interpreted your no-alcohol rule as a direct attempt to keep him out.  You’re just trying to ensure a peaceful afternoon gathering.  But he thinks you’re purposely trying to make it hard for him to attend.  Can you explain your reasons to him so he can understand your concerns?

It all comes down to what you want at your wedding.  Keep your no-alcohol policy, invite your dad to come, and let him decide whether he’s willing to go without alchol for a few hours so he can see his daughter get married.

Post # 11
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My mother has threatened more times than I can count not to come to my wedding. However, I know she really IS planning on coming and she just said that in the heat of the moment (she has a mental illness). My point being, I would send an invite to your dad if you want him at the wedding. He seems like he’s excited to see his daughter get married and maybe he interpreted the ‘no alcohol’ comment wrong.

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