My dad said NO to Father/Daughter dance

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BrideofGroomzilla:  Would your father be willing to take 1-2 quick dance classes or even practice before hand to the song so that he is comfortable with this ONE dance? If not see if any of your brothers would be willing to do this for you – express how important it’d be for you to have this dance.

If no one on your side is willing to dance with you I would not consider it a slap in the face to get your FFIL to dance with you instead! It isn’t fair to you that you have to sit on the sidelines while you wait for your husband to finish dancing with his mother.

I am not having a father/daughter dance but we also aren’t having a mother/son dance either… just because we really don’t have that relationship with our parents where we would be comfortable doing that and will just resort to having our own dance on its own. 

I really don’t think anyone would notice if you don’t have a dance of your own so don’t let it bother you because not everyone has them. It also wouldn’t be fair to cancel his dance with his mother just to keep it even. 

Personally I would take a dance with his father if it really came down to it!

Post # 4
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe instead of a dance, he could say something about your father/daughter relationship. You know, what it was like raising you, what it’s like to see you all grown up — that kind of stuff. 

Post # 5
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

No one will wonder why your newly minted husband is dancing with his mom while you’re not dancing with your dad. People generally don’t pay much attention to the “special” dances. I’d enjoy the view while they dance, and just move on.

Post # 6
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BrideofGroomzilla:  why not dance with your mom? Would she do it? I think that would be super sweet. 🙂

or, maybe dance with your fiances dad? Everyone together now….awwwww…. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BrideofGroomzilla:  whoops. I just saw your note about dancing with your fiances dad. Sorry I didn’t read it thoroughly. But if that’s something you wanted to do, I would think there’s a way you could approach your dad about it. Tell him you respect his convictions, and his decision not to dance. And, perhaps being inspired by his strong convictions instilled such characteristics in you, even if those particular beliefs differ.  He instilled doing what you feel is right, even if it is unpopular. That you love and respect him, but this is something you want to do and it in no way is meant to be Insulting, but just the opposite. It’s a way to honor him by not pressuring him to do something he doesn’t believe he should do, while you get to support your new husband so he’s not uncomfortable dancing with his mom without you. Maybe half way through the song, you and your husband and his parents switch partners, and you each dance as married couples, if that makes sense?

Post # 8
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

The Father-Daughter Dance / Son & Mom Dance is not an absolute MUST DO… it is Tradition / Family Custom… nothing else.

So IF it doesn’t fit YOUR FAMILY so be it.

Personally, the bigger of the two events is always Father-Daughter… it is more of a focus at Wedding.

Your Father has told you he doesn’t wish to do it…

YES People will notice if you dance with someone else while your Groom dances with his Mom.

Changing Partners during this dance is something that couples do do…

(ie FOB&B and MOG&G… then another couple joins the Floor… FOG & MOB to trade off with Happy Couple)

BUT starting off this way will attract UNNECESSARY attention to your Dad and the fact that he is NOT PARTICIPATING…

DO THE RIGHT THING HERE…

He’s made a choice for personal reasons… even Religious ones (Southern Baptist) that he does not wish to participate

DO NOT EMBARASS HIM

He’s your Father… it may be YOUR Wedding… but he Deserves Respect in this matter

Just skip the “Formal Dances” altogether at the Beginning of the Evening (except for B&G)… you guys as a couple can certainly dance with the Groom’s Parents on the crowded dance floor later on in the evening if it is something you wish to do… and no one will blink an eye then.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 9
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BrideofGroomzilla:  aw that makes me sad for you. Maybe you could try explaining how important it is to you and you could agree to do a short song or to maybe do it along with your husband and his mom? 

 

 

 

I have to disagree witH @This Time Round: though that your groom shouldn’t dance with his mom if you don’t dance with your dad. If him and his mom want to do that, it’s a once in a lifetime thing that I don’t think should be taken away from either of them. Yes people will notice but at the end of the day it’s none of their business and I wouldn’t give it a second thought as a guest.

 

Also if your dad feels that strongly about his religious beliefs to not participate he shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it as previous poster pointed out.

 

Post # 10
Member
3032 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would notice as a guest, but would either 1) know your family and realize it isn’t their “thing” or 2) think nothing of it.  I think dancing with FFIL is a good idea unless you wanted to sit this dance out.

Slighly relevent, but at my sweet 16 (yes, I had one!) my mom refused to dance and told to DJ not to point her out as it tradtion.  My dad walked me in and we danced.  He also danced with my Aunt, my friends, wives of their friends, etc.  My mom doesn’t dance and does not like attention, no big deal.  My dad also dances with strangers at other people’s weddins and such, always asking permission first.  I highly doubt anyone at these events is questioning anything other than “that man loves to dance!”

People have better things to do than be questioning why you didn’t follow page 53 of Emily Post’s books.  

Post # 12
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would skip the formal parent-child dances because it would only draw attention to the whole thing. There’s nothing to stop your FI from dancing with his mother while other people are on the dance floor too – that way they get a moment together without showing off to the crowd. That’s what I’m going to do – I don’t feel comfortable being the centre of attention while dancing, and don’t think it’ll be that interesting for my guests so I’ll probably get the DJ to call everybody up to the dance floor for the first dance and then maybe share a dance or two with special people later. 

Post # 13
Member
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@BrideofGroomzilla:  I’d skip it, if it’s OK with FMIL.  Hopefully she’ll understand.  It would bring up way to many questions and conversations if just FI and FMIL danced or if you danced with FFIL…I’m assuming your parents are hosting and it wouldn’t be very gracious to put them at the center of discussion…even if they are being sticks in the mud!!  :o)

Post # 14
Member
2535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would skip it.

MY father ended up runing our father daughter dance because of some reasons… its such a specail emotional momment that I think it needs to honestly be treated delicatly , but maybe its not as big of  a deal to you?

If FMIL is willing to skip it to maybe it would help with everyone- or don’t have a specific single out dance just do it?

Post # 15
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

It sounds easiest just to skip the parent-child dances altogether, unless it’s *really* important to your FI and FMIL. Your dad is not the only person in the world to be afraid of dancing so I don’t think it will come across as a snub.

Post # 16
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i did a fast dance with my mom that i choreographed (my father passed away).

DH did not dance with his mother and no one cared or asked why not.

 

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