My dad will not stop contacting vendors – about to pull my hair out!!!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Holy crap your dad sounds so much like mine.  The photography comment sounds exactly like something he would say.  I could completly envision my dad doing this if we allowed our parents to pay for the wedding.

Anyway, you need to make it clear that it is a waste of effort to have 2 people contact the same vendors, and to contact other vendors after you’re getting close to booking one.  I think you and your FI should make a shortlist of vendors you’re interested in and try to stick to that.  A very clear list of who you are interested in, whether they have been contacted (and by whom), and what their quote is.  Put it into Google Docs and share it with your family so you can both work on it and see each others’ updates.  Ultimately it is their money and their call, but perhaps getting him to focus on a more narrow set of options will be helpful.

Post # 4
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Lol. I could have written the exact same thing last summer. This is what I did when he kept calling our photographer:

“hey dad, got a call from photographer today and he was trying to clarify things. He was confused about who he should call when he had questions and wasn’t sure if we were even the same client because he isn’t used to communicating with muktiple people for one wedding, so how about I am the main contact for the photographer, cake, officiant, and caterer and you can be the main contact for the tent rental and transportation and FI will be the main contact for the DJ and mom for the florist. We will all keep each other in the loop but it keeps our vendors from getting confused or frustrated.”

that was last September and so far it worked like a charm!! if he has questions about something that someone else “owns” he lets them know so that they can report back after they talk to them. We also agreed that his name would be on all contracts and therefore he got to see them all before anything was final, but questions still went through the communicator for that vendor.

i have an update meeting with my parents on Monday where I will tell them the answers to everything they asked me to find out from my assigned vendors.

Hope this helps!!


Post # 5
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My dad was very over the top and controlling with some things but… Isn’t it a little cute and sweet how much they care?  We called him “dadzilla” affectionately.  He wanted it to be perfect for everyone.

he got a liiittttttle frustrating around the seating chart – putting the tables together was no problem  but where the tables were?  That was an issue.  But that’s because he wanted to make everyone happy.

Post # 6
4742 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

TGold:  Whew. I’d be trying REAL HARD to get dad under control. For me personally there is NO amount of money towards a wedding that could make me put up with that. I would be doing whatever I could, down to having a small wedding, that would mean paying for it myself to have control. I will tell you, from a vendors point of view (I’m a photographer) if I was getting calls from a parent prior to even booking I wouldn’t be touching the wedding with a 10 foot pole. It’s *extreamly* hard for vendors when situations like this happen and really can affect our work. My clients, regardless of who pays me, is always the bride/groom. Pushy parents are one of our worst nightmares because we don’t WANT to have to tell mom/dad “no” but their wants/desires almost always go against what the bride/groom have told us they want.

Post # 7
7141 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

TGold:  I think this is really sweet even though it’s annoying. I think your mistake is over sharing out of respect for his/ their payment.

the google docs is a great idea, as is ONE email before you book a vendor with a quote and 3 reasons why you picked them. I would not be sharing the entire process with him, he obviously wants to make everything perfect for his daughter and wil not stop at annoying everyone:-) 

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