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I am on the same boat. My dad will be walking me down the aisle, but he is refusing to do the father/daughter dance. He blames his "bad knees" but I know that it's probably because he doesn't like to be at the center of attention. I've always been daddy's girl, so I am extremely hurt over this as well. I figured that maybe as time gets closer, he'll eventually agree to do it. Other than that, I don't really know how to deal with this either. :(
I am so sorry for both of you. My dad and my husband were both very nervous about dancing with me, not only because of shyness, but also because I know how to dance and they were afraid of messing up or making me look bad. So, I hired a dance instructor and tricked both my dad and my husband to go to a dance lesson. It took a total of 2 hours with my dad and 4 hours with my husband to get them comfortable enough to finally agree to dance with me at my wedding.
Also, my dad refused to do the toast and asked my mom to do it instead. Then, at the last moment, he changed his mind (because he said he just couldn't miss the moment) and ended up giving a toast!
Time, Patience... good luck!
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My mother won't do the mother and son dance with me either although its not as emotionally upsetting to me.
As an idea, have you introduced the idea of dance lessons with your dad? Maybe take an opportunity to learn something simple like a two step or something so he feels more confident being in front of everyone? My fiancee's parents have decided they would like to take dance lessons.
That's a great idea - take dance lessons with your dad! You can tell him that even if he's still not comfortable doing it, at least you will have the memories of those dance classes together. :-)
I had a friend sing a duet with her father instead of a father/daughter dance. Maybe you guys can do something else together?
thanks for the ideas and support! My wedding isn't until September, so hopefully he will come around as it gets closer. I think I'll try the dance lesson idea, we'll see if he'll go for that! Thanks again!
You could also try doing a combined dance. like one song or song-collage that you could use as your first dance, then switch to mother/son and father/daughter... that would take some of the pressure off of him.
I think it's important that your dad is happy and comfortable at your wedding, as well. It sounds like he is going outside of his comfort zone to walk you down the aisle, so make sure you really let him know how much that means to you.
See how he responds to the idea of other people being on the dance floor with you. I myself don't like the idea of everyone watching me dance, and would be happier if there were others dancing at the same time I was.
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This is so sad. :( I second the dance lessons, but if he's still too shy, don't force him to stand in the spotlight. You wouldn't want your daddy to be miserable during your dance, would you?
Instead, try having your DJ/Band play a dedication from you to him at some point in the evening once everyone has gotten on the dance floor, and dance with him then. Or it might even make him more comfortable if the mother/son and father/daughter dances were at the same time.
Talk calmly with him and try to avoid getting emotional about it, even though it means a lot to you. Try to find something meaningful that you'll both enjoy. :)
I hope this helps! Good luck!
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What is it that's really important to you? Could you do a daddy dance in private? I know if mine didn't want to be up in front of everyone I would just step out of the reception into a back hallway somewhere and we could dance alone, no one watching.
Also maybe you could sneak it in there, like just start the dancing like you were going to skip it and 4 or 5 songs in, you're both dancing to THE song and no one is staring.
Not that I'm advocating it but...alcohol also does wonders to human courage.
Good luck!
maybe have it be a father daughter dance for everyone. That way everyone still knows it about you and your dad, but he can see and feel more comfortable in a sea of fathers and daughters...?
Maybe that could help?
I think I3cheese has a sweet idea, if you'll have enough fathers and daughters among your invitees to do it without your dad being uncomfortable. Maybe you could put a note on your wedding website about it so that people would be prepared and more comfortable coming up when the DJ/MC announced it. :)
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HELP!! My dad told me this past weekend that he absolutely will not do the father/daughter dance at my reception. My dad is rather shy and is already getting nervous about walking me down the aisle. I have always been a daddy's girl, so this is really upsetting to me. I have dreamed about this day since I was little. He knows how important it is to me. I even started crying when we were talking about it. But he won't budge and is still refusing to dance. Anyone else have this problem with their father? Or any suggestions?