My dad's girlfriend is a nosey instigator… *vent

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Nika2013:  Oh eeesssh. I would have told her off real quick and fancy like. I can’t even imagine my dads girlfriend telling me “welcome to the family”… I’m not violent. And I’m highly non-confrontational, especially when it comes to my dad but I would have bucked up to her real quick after her talking to my mom about what she can and cannot say/do. Just uck! I’m sorry you’re going through this! She is definitely lacking boundaries… for the sake of your own sanity, I would talk to you dad about it, let him know how uncomfortable you feel with her behavior and hopefully he will have a talk with her. If not, then by all means, let the barn door open and let the sh*t fly baby!

Post # 4
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

The things you wrote aren’t really a big deal. The first time you met her was over five years ago and who knows where she was coming from with that comment (maybe she was just nervous and trying to make a light hearted comment to break the tension).

I think you should get to know her, on your own outside of her relationship with everyone else. Keep the things with her and your dad and her and your mom seperate form your relationship with everyone else. After her being with your dad for five years, I think it would be  a huge insult to not invite her to these things. And probably put your dad in a really bad spot.

Post # 5
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Nika2013:  Yikes! She seems uber pushy. But try and consider your dad’s feelings in terms of not inviting her to the graduation/wedding. Is he going to be upset? Can you put up with her? I’m an encore bride and at my first wedding, my SO’s father’s gf was very similar. She wanted to be walked down the aisle and seated (I squashed that) and she wanted to be in ALL the family pictures. Because SO’s dad wanted her there, I allowed her one or two pics, and you know what? I don’t remember seeing her for the rest of the day. She didn’t make my day awful. But it made his dad happy that she was there, so I bit the bullet.

Post # 8
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Nika2013:  Definately talk to your dad. I imagine he would assume his gf could accompany him to the wedding, especially if they have been together for 5 years. If you nip it in the bud and resolve this now, you won’t have to stress about it as the wedding gets closer. Trust me, even people who aren’t family just bring a guest because they think they can.  I had a GM RSVP to bring his male buddy (not gay!) whom I have never met. Ugh.

Post # 9
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Nika2013:  

@Nika2013:  I am the girlfriend. My FI has 3 grown children, and to make matters even more scandalous, I am very close to their age. It has been so hard to find my role in his family. I love his children and want so badly to be accepted. I am already scared of the eventual day when one of his daughters gets married and won’t want me there because it might make their mother uncomfortable. I just know that his daughter’s wedding will be a special day for him, and I want to be there by his side to experience that. It will break my heart. You can’t possibly imagine it from the other side, but your dad’s girlfriend has likely done her share of compromising and making an effort to try and be what your family needs. I hope you can forgive her thoughtless comment from 5 years ago, and let her attend your wedding. I know it would mean a lot to her.

Post # 10
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Nika2013:  It was definitely a poor choice for her to do that, but you don’t know everything that has happened in your mom and dads relationship, and it seems you know very little about this woman. It makes everything easier if you just focus on your relationships with your parents and their significant others independantly. Meaning what happens with your mom stays with you and your mom and vice versa with your dad.

My parents are divorced (multiple times each) and I know how hard it can be to juggle everyone,I just don’t think that the drama this would create would be worth excluding her. Your mom will be surrounded with her own family, and will be able to handle it for one day. And depending on how many people you have at your wedding you will hardly notice her yourself. You aren’t inviting her to enjoy the day with her, but more so that your dad will enjoy the day himself.

Post # 11
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I feel your pain!!! My dad has a current girlfriend that really, unlike your situation, I don’t mind at all but I still don’t want her at my wedding. They’ve been together just under a year and I’m just hoping that they’ll be split up by Jan 2016.

If it were me, I would tell your dad how you’re feeling and tell him that you would prefer not to invite her. If he reacts poorly, then it might be worth keeping the peace to suck it up and invite her…if you’re close to your dad. If you’re not then do what you want haha

Post # 13
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@Nika2013:  Honestly, after the whole confronting my mom I can’t stand her. It wasn’t like my dad casually brought it up and told her about the lunch date.

Your mom should have never told you about this “confrontation” You have only heard your mom’s side of it, a side full of hurt.
 
They are a social unit whether you like it or not, and they must be invited together to events as such. 

Post # 15
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

She sounds rude and annoying, but she is your father’s girlfriend and if they are still dating you need to invite her.

 

The items you list are rude and weird, but she hasn;t done anything INCREDIBLY terrible to be not invited to your wedding.

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