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did she know she was requested to not wear black, white and the other colors? I think black is a very popular color and you will get many guests as well wearing that color.
I think you need to take a minute and step back to take a breath. Firstly, I highly doubt your dad's girlfriend will be the only person other than the family and bridal party who is wearing black. The term "Little Black Dress" didn't come from no where. I think it's actually a pretty common shade for dressing up, and that includes weddings. Now, I can see how maybe it might be offensive if she was wearing a coral dress with teal accessories because those are your colors, but honestly...it's black. She probably didn't even know those were the shades you are using. I don't think it's the end of the world. It may seem stressful right now, but it really isn't something you should let get the best of you. Everything will work out if you try to stay calm :)
Well, I hate to break this to you, but there will probably be many more guests who are not part of the family or bridal party who will also be wearing a black dress. It's the most common and "safe" color choice for formal attire. I don't think you have a right to be mad about this. It's not like you have some extremely unique color that she went out of her way to find a dress in. sorry.
It's ok to feel upset, but try to let this one go. She's wearing black, and probably didn't realize it was a conflict. She's a grown woman and gets to decide what she is going to wear. A black, tailored dress is wedding appripriate; she spent $ to get it tailored for your wedding, which says something. Let this one go. Good luck! :)
Yeah I'm sure others will show up in black I just think its inappropriate for her to wear black...since she will be coming with the father of the bride and dressing like the mother of the bride...kinda disrespectful to my mom....other people in black is ok, I just think her wearing it is kinda a slap int he face to my mom?
My guess is that a few guests will also end up wearing black to the wedding. I see how it could be disrespectful to the mothers, but then it's such a common dress color that I'm sure other people would do the same.
However, I would speak up if she knew ahead of time and was doing it to be disrespectful on purpose. Is she a reasonable woman that you may have a polite conversation with?
I think that you should just let it drop. I think that you will see that alot of guests are wearing black to your wedding as it is a common standby anymore. Besides, it is a little thing that you really don't need to stress yourself about so close to your wedding. I really don't think that your mom will be upset about the color of the dress, but she will be more upset about him having a date no matter what. That is just human nature.
@cashlee1023: Again, did she know she wasnt "supposed to wear black". If she didnt, matching anyone isnt bad ettiquette (especially in black)
EDIT: If it really bothers you (and I dont think it should- ther are more important items to think about like your marriage!) I think you should apologize to your father because inadvertantly you insulted him and his relationship. I would then ask very nicely if she would wear a colored shawl... But as a girlfriend, is she going to be in the pictures? If not, forget it. No one will notice the "matching" dresses because they will be wearing similar!
If mom REALLY wanted to stand out she would not have picked black. But as MOB she will stand out no matter what because of her role.
I understand you are upset. But I think you should let it go or at least not say anything. I had soooooooo many people who came wearing our wedding colors and what could I say? they are allowed to wear whatever they want. My step mom wore blue and I was totally fine with it as she is family. And your dad's GF could be family too, although I know it must really hurt, try and keep peace for your dad's sake and don't talk about it too much with your mom. You have enough going on I'm sure. Just focus on you and your day and support your mom as best you can.
@cashlee1023: I think you are taking this too personally. It's supposed to be a happy, positive day. If you can remember that then nothing will mess up your day! It's about you and your SO and showing everyone your commitment to one another. Try to stay positive and when these little things get to you just remind yourself of all of the things you are excited and happy about :)
@lefeymw:I agree you on that. I understand what you mean and totaly get the point of what you are saying. Don't stress this right before your wedding maybe she can add a little color so she can be different then the rest of yor bridal party and family. Like red shoes or pink I don't know a color skirt I mean something.
Thanks for the feedback everyone.....I'll just let it go...I'm just upset with my dad too....for his negitive response and sticking up for his grilfriend...kinda annoying....but yes I hear all of you...an will just let it go!
@cashlee1023: Think of it this way... if your mom, dad or sibling or even friend made a comment about your now fiance that you didnt like when he was a bf, wouldnt you be defensive?
I never specifically told her not to wear black, but she knew my colors and that the bridal party/fmaily was wearing black.
I did politely ask my dad at first...and said does she maybe have soemthing else she could wear blah, blah, being nice and he got mad and said no it's too late....
I just think even if I am being nuts he should have told me sure he'll talk to her..If I wanted her to wear green then he should ask her and do whatever to help make my stress less and me happy on my wedding day, he's my dad???? That's what's he's suppose to do...not put his girlfriend's outfit before me on my wedding day!
@cashlee1023: I thnk its because its black. SUCH a universal color that others will wear. If the color was fuscia, say, then I would agree with you (or at least see where you are coming from) but black is so univesally accepted as a neutral, acceptable color that you cant argue with someone wearing it. Especially because soooo many people will wear that at your wedding!
Like others have said, let it drop. If she knew she wasn't supposed to wear black, thats kind of crappy of her... But whatever.
But, the color IS black. There will likeley be tons of people wearing black, especially if yours is an evening wedding. It's a really flattering color.
@cashlee1023: If you told me she was wearing the bridal party colour that wasn't common say seafoam, I'd think you had a legit issue.
But it's a black dress. That is the singularly most popular dress colour.
She won't be the only person not in the WP with a black dress, I assure you.
Just enjoy your wedding. No one will even pay attention to someone in a black dress. It actually may look more odd if she did come in a bright pink dress. Draws much more attention to her.
@cashlee1023: I understand why you're upset. You're already wary of your mother's feelings, and I don't see why your dad's GF had to be invited, I'm guessing he pushed it. Etiquette wise, GF/BFs aren't required invites, only fiance(e)s/spouses. So you don't want to hurt your mom or take away any of her glory. I think your dad/his GF should be respectful of that. I think you should call her and explain that you're afraid of hurting the moms feelings and how much it would mean to you if she wore a different color. If she cares about your dad or you, and you ask her more for sympathy than accuse her, she'll gladly change, if only to make a good impression. If she does, thank her profusely and tell her it means a lot to you. This will leave her feeling more comfortable/accepted at your wedding and she won't be blending in with the bridal family.
I'm sorry but if you didn't want people wearing the same color, you shouldn't have chosen black. You can't be mad at someone for buying a black dress- its a go to color. I think you're being unfair to her. I like one of PP's responses that to ask her to wear a colored shawl if it bothers you so much. Just thinkofall the things going right for your wedding, not this small blunder :)
I'm sorry you're so stressed about this, but when I read your responses it seems to me that the real issue is that your dad has a girlfriend and is bringing her to the wedding. The dress issue seems like a scapegoat for what you're really hurt by. Maybe You don't want your mom to be hurt or take it the wrong way, and maybe you're hurt too that your dad is with someone new and bringing her to the wedding.
Like PP's have said, black is very common to wear to weddings, I wear it to weddings the majority of the time too because I figure it's safe. I really don't think she's trying to steal your moms thunder. And maybe I can offer a suggestion: as much as you may not like your fathers choices and as much as you may not like this woman, realize that we are all people. your dad deserves to be happy and so does your mom. I'm sorry that it just can't be with each other. It sounds like your dad could be very sensitive to this topic of his girlfriend and I'm wondering if it's because it hasn't been well received by the family. Let your wedding day be about you and your FI, not the bitterness left over from a hurtful divorce. Treating this woman like crap for finding love in your father isn't going to make your wedding day special. If she makes him happy let that be something that helps you show this woman some acceptance. This isn't being disloyal to your mom, but being loving and caring towards your father. If you are really serious about wanting her to look different get her a shawl like someone else suggested and give it to her as a gift. Just say you got it for her to wear to the wedding because you're glad she can be there. It's a nice gesture that your dad and her will appreciate, on top of that she will not look like your mom.
I'm glad to read that you're going to let it go, but let it show with your actions too. Take a deep breath and just enjoy the wonderful things you have coming in your life!!! your getting married!!! Wooo-hoooo!!!! :)
As a PP suggested, maybe she could wear a colored shawl or jacket? I think that might help.
Try and relax. This day is going to be amazing for you, and twenty years down the road, it won't matter what color dress your dad's girlfriend was wearing. :)
@cashlee1023: I completely understand! I know how divorced parent't new spouses can do things to upset the "ex". It's usually very passive aggressive, that to outsiders may not seem like anything, but to the person it's supposed to be a huge slap in the face. If it's the first time, I would try to let it go since black is a "safe" formal attire, and it was probably done not knowing. But it's it's a repeating occurance of passive aggressiveness I would be upset too!
Like everyone else has been saying, little black dreses are common!
HOWEVER, even though ladies may wear them to your wedding, I'm sure your mom and MOH will be wearing such stunning styles that they will stand out from the crowd! I'd love to see what you found!
A white and black wedding is so, so elegant...maybe I can redo my whole wedding with three weeks to go. : ) Yours is going to be beautiful!
Hmm...I agree with some of the other posts, black is about the most formal color to wear to a wedding. I can't see how wearing black has anything to do with intentions to be offensive. It would be like saying the same thing about her wearing black to a funeral and taking it personal because everyone else was going to wear black...
I would be more offended if she tried to wear white...(competing with the bride kind of thing.) But there is no way you can fault her for wearing the most basic of colors to the wedding...I don't think the color of her dress is what is really upsetting you. I can imagine how uncomfortable you are that she will be there at all. Just remember that it is your special day and don't let her presence detract from it. I am sure your day will be filled with love, happiness, excitement and many other distractions... :-)
I just realized I posted mine after your wedding! I hope that it went well!
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My parents got divorced 2 years ago. My dad is bringing his girlfriend to the wedding. (my mom soming alone) My colors are black and white and the mother of bride and gromm are wearing those colors along with those in the wedding. I just found out my dad's girlfriend also bought a black dress and already had it tailored? I'm pretty mad about this...she's not family just his date and should not be wearing the same thing as my mom.....the problem is the wedding is this saturday and I just found out she was wearing black? What should I do....I already asked my dad about it explained that it was kinda disrpecting the mother's (especially) since she's my dads date and it will hurt my moms feelings...it was already an issue that he's bringing a date.....my dad told me pretty much too bad he's not telling her anything cause I asked if she had something else to wear.....he got mad at me this was yesturday and we haven't spoken since. Part of me wants to call her, but the other part feels bad and doesn't want to cause a problem....I just don't think she should be matching the family or bridial party...she's not family, she know the wedding colors, and should not be wearing them? Please give me your opinions....I need feedback????