- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I’m a little embarassed to be even posting this, but I know that not every family is perfect and I really want opinions and advice. My daughter is 9 and a twin. She has always been a mother hen to her twin brother and now that they’re older she tends to boss him around more than anything. She’s constantly arguing with her oldest brother who is 11. She DOES NOT LISTEN. I could tell her not to do something and she’ll turn around and do it anyway and even when I confront her about it she’ll just say “Sorry”. She’s grounded at least once a month for a week or longer. She doesn’t listen at school and she won’t listen to me.
Most recently last night I caught her playing her DS when she was supposed to be sleeping. She has done this numerous times and each time she gets it taken away. At first it was a couple days, then it was a week, then it was 2 weeks. We’ve gotten up to taking away her DS for a month. She will be grounded to her room with only books to read. So last night after getting her DS taken away AGAIN, and being grounded AGAIN, this morning she gets ready for school wearing the same clothes she wore yesterday.
School uniforms are another battle. They can only wear solid color polos and khaki, navy blue or black skirts, shorts and slacks. The kids only have so many shirts (about 4 or 5 each) and 2 color of both slacks and shorts or in my daughters case skirts. This morning (like every other morning) she was wearing her favorite outfit. The problem is that if I let her she’d wear it daily without washing it, why I don’t know. I once even took that shirt and that skirt and hid them for 2 weeks so she had to wear something else. She got the outfit back obviously and wore it Friday, I washed it over the weekend, then she wore it yesterday and put it on again today. I told her to go put on something else and then come and let me see. I heard her come out of her room after a while and I said “Come here and let me see” She said “I’m wearing a red shirt and a skirt” That already sent me a red flag when she wouldn’t tell me what color her skirt was. So I went out of the bathroom and into the kitchen were she’s wearing the same skirt. I told her I just washed and put away her khaki skirt she needed to put that one on.
Things got ugly. She’s screaming at me that her other skirt doesn’t fit (she’s a drama queen and I know it does fit because its the same size and style as her blue skirt and they have the elastic adjuster on the sides). She woke up my 15 year old step daughter who is staying with us for the summer (she’s out of school already, my other kids are let out on the 9th). After a few minutes of screaming at me she runs past and says she won’t go to school (like I said she’s a drama queen). I followed her into her room, told her I wasn’t going to put up with her attitude, she was already grounded and did she want to be grounded longer. I told her I was going to give her 2 minutes to check her attitude and change her skirt. She eventually did but I’m sick of this.
I know she gets her stubborn-ness from me but she’s SO much worse. Even my mom has said so. I know she is emotional too (I am too, I can cry at the drop of a hat) but she’s over the top emotional. The clothes fight has happened numerous times this year and each time its the same, I tell her to change for whatever reason and she cries, screams, slams doors and says she’s not going to school.
I don’t know what to do. This summer she’s staying with my parents because my FI and I both work long hours and there they can play with friends, swim, go to museums etc. But my dad spoils them, I’m afraid she’ll come back worse. The kids do chores everyday, not a lot, they rotate things like laundry, dishes, taking trash out etc. Should I do a points system, after she gets so many points she can be ungrounded? Do I completely empty her room except her bed and let her earn stuff back until she learns? I don’t want to keep her from having a childhood and enjoying the outdoors, parks, friends etc but I don’t know what to do.