Post # 1
just a little bit of background on me.
My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years and our getting married on may 4th 2013. My father and I have never really had a relationship in general. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I lived with my mom. Through my teenage years I had a really rough up bringing and was molestemy by my mothers boyfriend. I remember going to my father and he did nothing, he lived with his GF at time, and didn’t offer to take me in or help me. I remember going to him and asking for clothes to give my mom a break and he refused.
Its only when I started dating my fiancé that I saw him more often, but I didn’t know who my father was as a person. This January, my dad was diagnosed with metastic lung cancer stage 4, that has spread to his brain. His prognosis is a few months.my fiancé and I agreed to let him live with us. regardless of the things my father hasnt done for me, I love him and it is extremely painful to see him going through what he’s going through. He’s connected to oxygen 24/7 and needs assistance going to the washroom, taking a bath ect. My dad has lived with us for about one week now.and it’s been emotionally and physically Difficult. My fiancé gave my father a bath at 2:00am because that’s when he wanted it, and I get up about 2 a night to check on him. I have 1 brother and 1 sister who also have homes of there own but my sister has 3 children. They see my father about every other day for an hour or two and they’ve been much closer to him then I have. My father is rather a difficult and stubborn man but love him.
bees, I don’t know if I can handle this. I’m crying constantly because of the emotionally aspect of seeing my father struggle day in and day out. We have a nurse coming 2 days a week to check on him. Am I a horrible person to have to admit this to my family that I am not able to continue? That I love him so dearly regardless of the things that have happened in the past and that I don’t want to give up on him in his time of need, but I cannot continue
Post # 3
You are NOT a horrible person! Not at all!! If you need to, try reaching out to the rest of your family. Maybe they can take shifts with your father so you get a little bit of time to breathe.
I’m so sorry to hear about this. Please don’t forget to take really good care of yourself in this difficult time.
Post # 4
(((HUGS)))) take a breath. this situation sucks. No way around it. I think you should get hospice in more than just two days aweek. you need to get a break, get someone to take care of his personal needs, bathing, and things like that.
get a nurse in there every day. I took my great aunt in… long story but she was end stage lukemia and was 84. It was so hard to see her like that. I worked full time, I moved back home, we set her up in my dad’s living room.
Nurses came everyday. I sat with her every night and we took shifts. My brother’s had kids but they came and did two hour shifts, after their kids went to bed. We all had full time jobs but it’s not fair to dump this all on one person. Your sister can do a few hours a week, so can your brother. it’s not easy at all, and the resentment must factor in there too. But I’m so glad we did it. It brought us all closer and really focused us on what was important.
hang in there. There are services that are available. Talk to yoru Dad’s doctor. We filled out a ton of paper work, TONS but it was helpful.
Post # 5
Being the caregiver to a family member is an enormously difficult task. You need to reach out to your family, you guys can’t do this alone. If your siblings can’t help, it’s okay to seek out paid caregivers if the budget allows or find a better place for him to live by speaking with his doctor. Have you considered joining a family caregiver support group?
Post # 6
First off I am sorry about what you are going through. I work in hospice and highly recommend hospice. They would be able to help you out and make things easier on you. Please PM me with any questions. Best wishes to you!
Post # 7
I work for our state’s human services department, and our unit oversees a program that helps provide in home services to keep people from having to go into a nursing facility. I also served as primary caregiver for my mom as she battled cancer, so I can relate to how you’re feeling. You are not horrible for feeling this way! Caring for someone during end stages illness is one of the most difficult things you can do. I echo the comments about getting more help. Every state has some form of home care. program; each with its own rrequirements. Contact your. local state human services (or whatever your state calls it); they should be able to assist you. And if you’d like, I’d be happy to help research. Just pm your state and I’ll see what I can find.