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I think that its ok to be upset. When my FI told me he got me a different ring I pouted! But you have to look at it as him trying to be sweet and do something different and surprise you. Also, you can always upgrade later, or get a rockin band to go with! But if you are really upset with it, be honest and tell him. He will know if you don't really like it and that might hurt him more. I'm sure he would want you to be happy.
You have to wear that ring FOREVER, rip the band-aid off and 'fess up. Remember, he WANTS to make you happy.
usually i don't say go with the one you want but in this case, definitely yes! i wonder if he had the card and the store sold him the wrong one??
Return it! Laugh it off with him and explain the practical side of it. Yes, rings mean a lot of things but that doesn't mean that meaning can't transfer to a ring more your style. 20 years from now you will wish you had spoken up.
Speak up. The longer you keep this from your FH and he thinks your happy the worse you're going to come off when you do tell him. If he loves you, and I'm sure he does, then you have nothing to worry about.
If you're absolutely positive you can't love your ring for the fact that it represents his forever commitment to you, just tell him. I think you will hurt his feelings pretty badly whether you tell him you don't like it or you're always upset when you look at it, so you might as well get what you want, especially since you feel as though you deserve it.
I think based on the way you answered his question, the cat is already out of the bag. Go ahead and tell him you want the other one. Just make sure that you let him know that he did an awesome job and stress that you really appreciate that he put so much thought and time into getting the ring--you just had your heart set on that particular one.
What is it exactly that you don't like about this ring??? The size of the center stone? The shape of the center stone? The metal? The setting?
I'm asking because I wonder if there isn't something that could be salvaged from this ring and combined with something else that you like from your chosen ring....like could you just replace the center stone? Or change the setting? This might help you to compromise with the FI. Just a thought :)
Good luck...I wasnt in love with what I got either, but FI designed it himself so thats what I keep telling myself. In turn, I do love its uniqueness...
Thanks you all bee's for replying back .... you are all pretty much thinking alike as of telling him whats up. Theres nothing wrong with this ring i have gotten very good complements about it. Its a beautiful princess cut and diamonds around the band and its also a good size and even good quality. ( i will post a picture soon) Im really stuck to the other ring, I guess his mistake was that he said he did had me the ring. And about the store selling him the wrong one .. makes me think now, because he is so sure the band i got is the one the other ring has which is not true or unless he got confuse with the ring ,... anyways the point is that i have decided to talk to him and be completely honest, he like it when im honest so thats what i will do. So heres my plan... im going to take him out for lunch at his favorite spot and just start a nice conversation like the normal and I will feel when is the right moment to tell him. So Bee's wish me luck ! This is happening tomorrow
Thanks so much i will def. update this post about it all !!
what I would do is I would go the store on my own and ask them what the policy is to exchange a ring. If he is going to lose money, then I would stick with it and think this is the one my FH chose for me. If it isn't going to cost anything to exchange it, then I would maybe consider exchanging it.
I know you said to be honest but I asked my DH about it. And this may or may not be what your FH thinks but this is what my DH told me. He said that, "If I was that type of person, it wouldn't be someone he would want to marry." I know it's a bit harsh. But honestly, guys think about things way differently than we do. I know we obsess over details and details and I know you said the ring he chose was similar to the one you told him you loved... but think of it through a guy's eyes. He went into a store looking for a ring. Every saies person is telling him what is popular and what cut to get and then what diamond to get and what grade in quality the diamond is... so that may have swayed him to choose the ring and diamond that he got. He was probably in that store trying to remember what your "love" ring looks like. He probably noticed the color of the band or the cut of the diamond. Not that it was engraved or any of the stuff we know about. (As a fellow bride, we have seen a ton of magazines with different e rings in there. We know that there are a thousand different things to make a e ring different.) Guys, on the otherhand, haven't even opened up a bridal magazine or saw the rings we see our friends have. They probably go into a handful of jewerly stores (like maybe 5) and choose one. How many times have we gone shopping to find a certain sweater, and go into 20 different stores to find it.... or not to find it.
Just some insight. Just my opinion but this is coming from someone who only told my DH what type of gold I wanted it and what 3 types of shapes I like. I wasn't that specific on what I wanted.
Whatever you do decide, good luck.
Just to offset yrret107's comment, if my guy got super upset that I didn't love a ring he picked and upset at me he wouldn't be the kind of guy I wanted to marry. When you get a gift you hope the other person loves and fail because the other person doesn't love it it is your failure. Now the recipient should always be polite but to put the burden on them to lie and fake happiness and to require them to wear something 24/7 that they don't like... ridiculous and selfish. Not being able to pick the right ring is not a sigh of how well your FI knows you or loves or any of that ridiculous crap it just means he didn't get lucky. It happens.
I was not trying to be mean but I was only letting the OP know other ways to think of how her FI could look at it. I, by no means, was telling her this is what he thinks.
It's just my opinion and you can take it with a grain of salt. I like looking at things in different ways.
I know my DH saved a couple thousand dollars for my e ring and when he chose my ring, he thought it was for me. He chose it for me. He chose it because he thought it was what I wanted. He bought my ring and saw my name on it. I guess I'm not picky about my ring and I loved it the moment I saw it.
A e ring is a big investment, not like a sweater that you can easily return. Talk to the store and see if he will lose anythign for exchanging the rings. I don't want to talk money but maybe the ring you love was too expensive for him to afford. Just a thought.
To the OP- I'm not saying you should lie and "Fake" happiness. I admit that you have to be honest with him sometimes and it might hurt his feelings and it might not. Maybe he will laugh it off and maybe he might tell you that he thought he got the wrong one and is happy you are getting the one that you like.
Once again this is just my opinion. You asked for honesty and that was what I wanted to add.
Plus, it does look like your FI really tried hard to get your ring. It seems like it was a mistake that it wasn't the one you wanted. I'm not a jeweler but it sounds like this ring was custom made because he bought the band seperate from the diamond. I don't know how easy that is to exchange a band that was customized with it's own band and diamond. I have a feeling you will lose money because they will need to detach the diamond from the band to place it on the new band... and that's if the band that you love can come as a band only.
Do you not like that band or the diamond?
For me I would like to get all the information first before having the chance of hurting his feeelings. That's why I would go to the store and ask for what their exchange policy is.
:) I hope whatever you chose turns out ok.
yrret, I didn't mean to critique your comment, I'm all in favor of different point of views. I think you are actually absolutely right that there are guys out there that would get really mad at their fiance for not likeing the ring and wanting to replace it. I just wanted to point out that I think that's a bad and unjustified way for those guys to behave. Feeling hurt and bad is completely understandable and normal but getting angry at someone for their taste is weird and wrong and I think is just a way for a guy to cover up their hurt with anger. "It's not my fault I picked the wrong ring it's her fault she's so difficult".
Also, I was alittle miffed at your FI's statement that he wouldn't want to marry that kind of person. I think we're all guilty of saying thing like that ("I wouldn't be with someone who's X") in the abstrat when in real life we cut out SOs a lot more slack but I wanted to provide another perspective (as you say that's a useful thing) in how I wouldn't want to marry a guy like that.
Thanks Bee's i like honesty and seeing both point of views. So I did talk to him. I was able to have a nice lunch with him, I was totally honest. He stayed quite the whole conversation and just listened to me. I made sure to be careful and sincere. I explained to him that its a little difficult to get over the ring since he had said he was getting it. I will be honest Bee's i teared because i felt like i was hurting him. When i finished telling him, he said that he appreciate's me being honest with him even though he feels that he has fail me !! :-( He said that he swears the band was the same as the ring i wanted, So that might be a mistake that he didnt notice. After all he said he was going to change it. I want to be honest its been about six hours from that chat... and i feel soooo bad .. aghhh like the worst fiance ever !!
Msmacu don't feel bad! It's a ring not his love or commitment both of you should try not to be hurt over it (I know it's hard). He didn't fail you and you are not a bad fiance the two of you just had some miscommunication and a slight detour in your mutual quest for you engagement ring, no problems you'll fix it and move on both perfectly happy.
Also maybe reassure him that you'd have said yes with any ring and without any ring at all because it is after all merely a symbol. But if you are going to be wearing a ring... good thing he wants you to have one you love. Failing would be not caring about you.
I'm glad he was willing to listen and exchange the ring! Don't feel bad about this, he understood and is willing to do what you want! It's okay! :)
Awww... I am sorry you feel bad, but I probably would have felt the exact same way as you--you want to be honest, but you also never want to hurt the one you love...especially when you know they were really trying the best they could to make YOU happy. :-(
I kind of feel the same...I loved this particular ring (Tiffany's....you know how that goes), but I knew my BF couldn't afford it, so when we went ring shopping we were looking at rings that were similar to the Tiffany Lucida, and talking to different dealers about their similar settings. I pointed out things that I wanted to be different--thinner here, lower there, flatter this way, etc. When he proposed I noticed almost immediately that the band itself was too square and thick, and everytime I look at it I try to make myself love it, but although the stone is gorgeous, the setting is just a BIT off. I'm honestly thinking about just having it reset & not telling him. There is absolutely no way that he would notice & it would make me a lot happier. I kind of feel like a bad FI b/c I should just love what he got for me...but its hard when you are the one that will be looking at it every day for life!!
I feel much better girls.. reading your posts calmed me down. I dont feel so bad after all, that same day he was so romantic and lovable with me, mind you he always is but lately work has gotten him super busy we barely had time for each other. He took me out for dinner and was just super sweet. I took advantage of that time and told him how much i love him, it was just amazing ! :-) thanks once again hives i can always count on you all !!
HAPPY ENDINGS :-)
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Ok so this is how it all started, we have been together for 5yrs and months. So it took him a long time to engage me, finally November 24th 2009 he proposed it was amazing but.... I have been in love with this one ring for about 3 yrs and I had told him and show him the ring. This yr he started giving me hints of him engaging me soon. Some how it ended up being all the way in November. I have been a very patience girlfriend. Waiting to be engaged for so many years can be tough. The fact is that i was bothering him so much about that ring that he accidently said, yes your getting that ring... OMG I was the happiest person on earth I was extremely excited! so here comes november 24 my engagement day and when he pops out the ring to my surprise it was a totally different ring !! I just started to cry out of anger but i was able to fake it to make it seem i was just super happy !! I couldnt believe that after so many years together and waiting for this moment, I didnt get the ring i wanted ! Then i thought " he is kidding with me" so I answered of course and had a great time through out the day. At night we were finally alone and i was anxiously waiting for him to be like " SIKE" and popping out the other ring,,,, well no that was it !! He got me a beautiful ring that I didnt LOVE. So, its already December and I still dont love my ring .. I feel so upset because, I really think I deserve this ring. I even got him the wedding band he wanted (which i worked my butt off to get it) ughhhh so the other day he asked me so you love your ring and it took me forever to answer and I said " Ahh I like it" after that he said well i Know is not exactly the ring you wanted but what he did was he bought the band from the ring i love and bought another diamond... so he sort of did he's own style good taste but .... I went to the Jewlery store where he bought the ring and it so happens that its not the same band .. it is totally different ( i think he confused the ring) ahhhhhh what should i do, be honest with him? deal with it? or what .. help i hate feeling like this
Bees i need your advice please be honest !! and tell me if im being selfish
Thank you