(Closed) My eggs are expiring!!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Cry ohhh no… that is a terrible situation to be in, I am so sorry you’re going through this.

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind about moving on? if you’ve decided on that, you may want to do it sooner than later. maybe ASAP?

and let me tell you 32 is NOT old imo… but 32 may not young enough to be able to wait any more years. and personally, I think it’s not about expiring eggs or enough money to buy a ring. it’s more about your man not being responsible about life in general. what do you mean he doesn’t go to work when he can? if I were you, I wouldn’t be concerned about the ring. that doesn’t matter. I’d be thinking HARD about what kind of life you want with him or without him and what kind of life HE wants.

good luck!

Post # 4
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Oh dear.  Time to have a real sit down.  If he’s unsure after 10 years then you need to get up and walk out.  How much more time does he need.

You have 3 choices really:

1. Live with it as it is now – nothing changes

2. Sit him down, tell him you want to be married in 2011, see if he says “he’s unsure about marrying you”.. (Ever seen “he’s just not that into you?”  could be a comfort thing rather than a passionate love thing).  Make a very CLEAR expectation about what you want from your life – say a marriage a kids, try the water, don’t cut your nose off spite your face – and tell him exactly when you expect it by. or,

3. Propose to him

Either way you’ll get your answer.

I really hope it works out.   We’re the same age, and it’s not too late but I understand how it feels time is ticking.  If you left him and met a guy in a year from now, and you want to be married with kids then you’re going to be getting into risky territory for babies a few years later…  So if that’s on the plan then you need to make a decision.

Take control of your life and your dreams and do what feels right for you.  No regrets when you’re 50 eh? 🙂

**hugs**

Post # 5
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I agree. Sit down and talk. Esecially at 32 and you USED to want kids and may be worried because it’s getting later? Oh no.

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would sit down and talk to him, explain your concerns.  32 isn’t that old for kids yet either! 

Post # 7
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’d talk to him about it.

(I’m sorry you’re feeling this way :()

32 is not too old to have kids! I know lots of 40 year old moms!

Just a question – why do you feel you need to be married to have kids? I’m just asking out of genuine curiosity.

Also, I agree with PP: Is proposing to him an option??

If you’ve talked to him & still feel the way you do & he still doesn’t get off his ass & propose, I see no problem in leaving. It’s okay to change your mind, you know. And its more than okay to say – ENOUGH. I deserve better. I want more.

And then go out there & do it! It’ll all be okay, one way or another … just gotta make that first step. Good luck! <3 

Post # 8
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@overit:  No, you wouldn’t be a terrible person at all. 

Post # 9
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Get rid of his ass! I mean it. 10 years is plenty of time to realize that you REALLY, REALLY want to be with this lady. He should not be oblivious to the fact that you ARE getting old. Though 32 is not a terrible age, but stakes will continue to rise.

I used to feel the way you do. And believe me, I also waited for 10 years!! (Though we started off in H.S. but that was the first 5 yrs.) I was expecting us to be engaged by end of college and married once out and in a job for a year, etc. Did not happen even another 4 years later in financial stability. He draggged that on. He was also, as you described your man, ‘loving, sweet, caring, etc’. F**k that! If he really was all that loving, caring, sweet, etc. then I wouldn’t be sitting hand on foot wanting to be married. Especially when there is NO financial issue in sight or willing to go for a very intimiate ceremony.

The breakup was bittersweet but I moved on. Some years down the road I accidentally ended up meeting a guy who is just as ‘loving, sweet, caring’ if not more! And guess what? We’ve known each other 2.5 years and we were engaged. I am now 29 and will be 30 around marriage. Still going to wait to TTC but I also know in the back of my head just like you do that time is ticking and I don’t want to wait past 33 to have a child.

A man KNOWS when he wants to marry. He can’t be unsure or fidgeting about it. He is damn sure. If yours isn’t, time to move on. Look @ my face, I am serious –> Yell

Post # 10
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Tough love alert- Sorry in advance….

It’s been 10 years.  He’s been your guy for 10 years.  He knows you and Im sure knows your desires.  What man doesnt think his lovely 32 yr old lady of 10 years wants a commitment of marriage? He is not a child and I dont buy that you have to have to “the talk” with your guy (esp a man in his 30s, Im assuming) in order for him to see the light.  What is there left to talk about?  Ive learned from many guys that they are more simple and see things clearer than we give them credit.  Men see life in stages: childhood, adulthood, marriage, fatherhood.  As much as we dreamed of our wedding day very early on, men dream of the same.  Maybe not the wedding part, but certainly the husband, provider, father, man of the house part.

In no way do I intend to come off harsh but lotsa time us ladies make so many sacrifices that do not always benefit us long term.  You’ve given him 10 years (your 20s).  Perhaps he’s so comfortable where you guys are that he’s not compelled to take the next step.

 

Think about this- lets say you wait it out another 2 years.  You are now 34.  You decide to leave and jump back in the dating game.  At 34.  By no means is that a terrible thing.  But you obviously have a major concern reagrding your fertility at 32.  Assuming you meet a great guy, spend time getting to know him, fall in love, make a commitment.  You’re now 35-36?  Just a thought. 

 

My point is- put your wants and desires at the forefront.  Take your future and destiny out of the hands of someone who has not shown you (in his actions or lack thereof) his intent of a long term commitment.  Although Im sure you love him more than anything and I trust he feels the same, time to make the best decision for you.

 

Again, Im really sorry if my thoughts come off as harsh, but it was just my opinion of the situation and details you posted.  Hope it is of some help.  Good luck whichever way you decide.

Post # 11
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

if you want to buy a house, buy a house.

I wanted my boyfriend to go in and be half owner with me on a condo 2 years ago. He wanted to but he let his parents talk him out of it. I wasn’t willing to settle for renting an apartment with him, I wanted to stop paying someone elses mortgage and have an investment of my own.

what did I do? I bought the condo by myself and he rents from me.

Post # 12
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@snobunny:  Good for u!  Smart move.  You looked out for your best interest!

Post # 13
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Well, I wish I could give some advice but I’m in the same exact situation.  I have talked to my SO about it and his problem is with himself.  I wrote him a letter giving him some ideas on what he could do to help himself and now the ball is in his court.  I have a deadline of Feburary for him to figure things out.  If he doesn’t try to improve and move on with me then he really does not care for me as much as I thought.  There is a point where you just can’t take the waiting anymore!!  That’s where I’m at and it seems where you are at too.  I would just lay it on the line like I did.  See if he responds at all.  If he doesn’t then it’s time to move on.  By the way I’ll be 32 next year and I don’t think that I’m too old for kids.  Good Luck!!

Post # 14
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@overit: If it teeny part of you wants marriage and kids, it’s probably the true feelings you have but have surpressed. I hate to tell you to leave him, but I would. There is no way I would stick around with a man who wasn’t prepared to marry me and have children. Don’t allow someone to waste your time.

Post # 15
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry your not old if that’s the case then I’m screwed!  I’m only 33 and am going to be 35 when I get married.  It’s still not too old to have a kid, it’s just not in the timeframe that you wanted it to be.  I never thought I would be 35 before I got married.  But it’s finally going to happen b/c it’s GOD’s timing not ours.  But sounds like a guy whom is too comfortable.  You should talk to him.

Post # 16
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@bebefly: 

Just a question – why do you feel you need to be married to have kids? I’m just asking out of genuine curiosity.

I know you didn’t ask me, but I’ll answer anyway as someone who doesn’t want to have kids outside of marriage.  In my mind, if a man isn’t willing to make the commitment of marriage to me, he’s not ready to make the much bigger committment of raising a child with me.  It would actually really piss me off if my man was willing to knock me up but not marry me.   I want to be a wife and mother, not a baby momma.  That’s just me though, the OP could have totally different reasons.

For the OP: I’m sorry but 10 years is too damn long.  If you’re ready to move on, I’d do it sooner rather than later.  I’m 32 (ok FINE, 33 tomorrow) as well and COMPLETELY understand your fertility concerns. It’s not too late now, but if you hold out another 2 years before leaving, you might be flirting with infertility a little. 🙁

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