Post # 1
I feel the need to share my experience in hopes that I may find some other brides-to-be experiencing negativity…I’m having a lot of trouble moving past this!! Read on and BEWARE..It aint pretty.
I got engaged on February 14th of this year. Fi and I picked out the ring together about 2 weeks later. Its a flawless Canadian diamond, 1/2 carat in a tapered white gold setting, for a wholesale price plus a lifetime guarantee of free ring and diamond care. I think we did pretty well. When I got it, I was absolutely in love with it. Now I can’t even look at it without feeling anxious or sick.
The moment I showed my mother the ring, she upturned her nose and told me I could have done much better, I was ripped off and my fiance and I should be ashamed of ourselves for not following traditions. I burst into tears, my fiance was completely insulted and the rest of my family awkwardly cleared the room in a matter of seconds. The situation degraded into a one sided argument in which my mother called my fiance a culture-less wop, and accused him of robbing me of my “Italian-ness”. They have only recently begun speaking again, and I don’t think either of our relationships with her can ever be the same.
Yesterday, my mothers sister saw the ring. I was told, in front of my entire family, that my ring was “cute” and “too small” for my finger. What an absolute embarrassment. Thank GOD my fi was in the other room, or it would have been a repeat of the “mom incident”.
My mother has completely changed since my engagement, and is making my life a living hell. My ring has become a source of constant anxiety. I love my ring, but find myself unable to look at it. I find myself feeling inferior because of the stupid thing. I am tough as nails with everything else in my life, but this has REALLY been getting to me.
Is it appropriate for me to tell these types of people off? HOW do I let this crap go!! Is a 1/2 carat REALLY that bad?! I find myself biting my tongue to avoid awkward family conflict…
Post # 3
I would rock the hell out of a 130 carat CZ and when they ask about it just say, “he wanted to make sure that I would be happy with whatever, then he bought and surprised me with this.” Then, I’d wear my “little” one whenever my family wasn’t around.
But, I’m a horrible awful passive-aggressive pants like that.
Post # 4
Your family sounds toxic!!! If you’re going to marry this man, he is now your #1 and you have to stand by his side. Yes, tell them off, well do so in a way that makes you take the high road. Don’t stoop to their level.
Really, your family is being absurd. Do NOT let your ornery mother ruin your engagement.
You need to learn to stop getting approval from your family very quickly.
Perhaps when they start badmouthing, you get up and leave the room saying, “I won’t be a part of this negativity.”
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you are going through this…and all this because of your ring?! Your ring is really pretty and the diamond looks great. What I don’t understand is how your Fiance robbing you from your “Italianness”???
Post # 6
@sienna76: That’s the better answer
Post # 7
Ohhh hunny – I’m Italian AND Lebanese – a combo of yellow-gold and big gawdy jewelry loving ethnicities!!
…. and I’m rockin a 1/3 ct antique.
Tell them to get a life.
If thats what they measure love OR culture by, they need help. Its as simple as that.
Post # 8
@blueandcream: Oh my! First of all, I think your ring is very nice! I think you are most definitely in the right to shut this down, because it’s your family that is making things awkward/creating conflict, so considering how standing up for yourself will make them feel is not the priority. They’re disrespecting you and your Fiance in front of others, and they’re very much in the wrong. Also, a 1/2 carat is great if it’s what you love. People have no diamonds, .25 diamonds, 2 carat diamonds, etc, and each is great for them! This isn’t your mama’s diamond, so she doesn’t need to have an opinion on it’s size/cut/clarity/etc.
I’d very bluntly tell them that you love the ring very much, you love your Fiance, and you do NOT love the way that they are disrespecting you. I would straight out tell them that you will not tolerate such comments towards your Fiance or your marriage, and that if they don’t have anything nice to say then they don’t need to say anything at all. They’re creating conflict, and you are not in the wrong at all (IMO) in shutting that down and supporting your Fiance.
Congratulations on your engagement. I hope that things turn around and you can enjoy it despite your family’s comments.
Post # 9
Your ring is beautiful. You and your Fiance love it, that’s all that matters. The sight of your mother should make you sick, not your ring.
Post # 10
There has to be more to your mother’s reaction than this. Why would she go ballistic over a ring? Maybe you can sit down and talk to her about it?
Post # 11
Oh my gosh – I am so sorry for you girl, and so embarrassed for your family. How disgusting. It is exciting to get a ring when you get engaged, but becoming engaged is about the commitment between 2 people who love each other more than anything in the world and can’t wait to spend the rest of their lives together. Your ring is beautiful and your family should be ashamed. Please don’t let their narrow minded and superficial views effect your feelings towards your ring (and your fiance, of course). Your family should truly be ashamed and they all owe both you and your fiance a massive apology.
Post # 12
I was confused on your mother’s degrading comment.
Are you Italian and your Fiance is not? Does it have to do more with that? I’m guessing she didn’t like him before you were engaged.
Post # 13
Oh my gosh. I am SO sorry that you’re going through this. What an awful, awful way for them to treat you.
To answer your question – no, a 1/2 ct. is not bad at all, especially flawless! I think it’s a beautiful ring, and your Mother is insane for saying the things she did. It is nobody’s place to make any comment, other than a positive one, on a ring that you and Fiance clearly love.
Seriously. Ignore them. I know it will be hard, and so frustrating, but you deserve to surround yourself with people who care about you and are happy for you – no matter what.
If you find yourself re-thinking the size of the ring as a whole – don’t forget that can add whatever kind of band you’d like. You can make the ring 3 times bigger, or keep it simple. Just make sure to do what YOU want, not what you think you’re supposed to have because your family doesn’t know how to keep their mouths shut.
Best of luck to you, and congrats. 🙂
Post # 14
@aliavenue: I am seriousley considering this,I want to replace the diamond with a kick ass white saphire just to shut them up!
Post # 15
@indibee: Agreed 200%
They are completely out if line if you ask me and you have every right to stand up to them!
Post # 16
@sienna76: I am pure Italian, and my fiance is not. This was NEVER an issue, untill it came out of her mouth on the day we got the stupid ring! Way to go mom.