Post # 1
I am getting married 05/15/15 to my best friend and the love of my life.
And frankly, I’m not enjoying being engaged at all.
He proposed on 07/06/14 so it’s not a ludicrously long engagement. I wanted a shorter one, but he is from across the country and the date we set is the first time his family can make it out to our area.
I probably wouldn’t care much (I’m rather blase about the whole wedding thing anyway, having a small and uncomplicated one) but I recently bought a house, and he is the only one living in it. We are traditionalists and I won’t get to live in my own house until we tie the knot.
I’m so tired of waiting, but my only options are getting married at the courthouse (with no ceremony, sketchy since I already have a dress) or continuing to put my marriage on hold for 6 months on account of one stupid party, essentially.
I’m just upset. This has made me almost hostile toward the whole wedding planning process – why should I be excited to plan an event that’s just keeping me from starting my new life by half a year?
Post # 2
Why don’t you just elope? You don’t necessarily have to get married at a court house if you don’t want to, google elopement packages you can pretty much go anywhere and get married wherever, however, and whenever you want. There are packages that even include a photographer for an hour or so. If you still want to celebrate with friends and family have a party later.
Post # 3
Does your FI really want a wedding? Then 6 months isn’t long in the scheme of life. If he doesn’t care just go get married! You don’t HAVE to do the whole hoopla.
Post # 4
Quetzalcoatlus: Elope and have a family reception in May. You could even have vow renewal in front of your family then, if seeing you guys exchange vows is important to them.
Post # 5
Im sorry why is your Fiance staying in the house you bought? If you bought the house you should be staying in it. That is just my opinion. Also i think you guys should just elope but still have your wedding you are planning.
Post # 6
You can wear a dress to the courthouse. Whoever told you that you could not is wrong.
Why not get legally married now, and redo it as a “wedding” when his family can come?
Post # 7
Would you both consider eloping beforehand? If you are religious, you could still have a clergyperson officiate your elopement. Is he waiting for his family’s blessing to be officially married? You could still have a celebration and say the vows again with the family in May.
I am also confused about the living situation. If you bought the house, why is he living in it instead of you?
Post # 8
The issue is FI’s family will be upset if they are not included in any type of wedding – even a tiny courthouse one where a dress is worn. FI tire in laws being upset equals FI being upset. He’s ultra reasonable and unselfish so I don’t want to take from him one thing he wants if we have a wedding.
Elopement would break my family’s hearts and as I’m unusually close to them, I would also be upset. I agree that makes the most sense in theory.
And something seems inherently wrong to me about a vow renewal in a few months. My parents are footing the wedding bill (which i have been striving to keep low), so I can’t justify any of it if we are already married.
Post # 9
As to the living situation: I live with my parents, about 10 minutes from the home I own. As he moved cross country to be with me, he didn’t have a place of his own and lives in my house with my blessing, helping with things. I’m there constantly and making the decisions about it, just very ready to go to bed there every night.
Post # 10
Quetzalcoatlus: I totally understand where you are coming from, as FI and I are religious traditionalists as well. We got engaged Labor Day weekend last year and will be getting married in about 3 weeks! And there were definetely times during the summer that I was just “over it” all! I felt like we had been engaged forever. Talk to your FI and see how he feels about things..
Post # 11
Thank you. It’s definitely nice to hear from a kindred spirit.
FI and I have talked about it many many times. He’s always saying “I’d marry you tomorrow.” The only hitch is he’s only comfortable with a legal marriage if we do go early. He doesn’t want to hurt his family by not allowing them to be included in a real ceremony of any kind.
I don’t want to get married someplace I have to go through a metal detector and sign with a pen that’s chained down. Neither do I want to wait ANOTHER 6 months to be with my husband. It’s a quandary.
Post # 12
Quetzalcoatlus: It would really bother me to be paying a mortgage on a house I chose and yet not be able to live in it even though FI was. I think you could still have a lovely private ceremony sooner while still having the more traditional ceremony with your families in May. You won’t have to go through metal detectors unless you really want to :).
FI and I are having a private ceremony in the winter followed by a celebration and re-enactment of vows with our friends and family in the spring. The same pastor officiating our private ceremony will be there again for the spring. Both venues were both handpicked and approved by the both of us.
Post # 13
Just get married in courthouse dont tell anyone
Post # 14
You say his parents won’t be able to travel until May 2015 but what about yours? Sounds like the most important thing to you both is to have a ceremony with both your parents in attendance, so maybe you all could fly out to his family’s city and have a very small wedding there sooner than your current date? Wouldn’t have to be literally in the courthouse, you could have it in a park or in their backyard or something that hopefully wouldn’t require you having to reserve the place months in advance.
Post # 15
That sounds lovely. 🙂 congratulations.
I wish I could come to a similar arrangement. It just seems such an extravagance for me to ask of my parents.
I don’t mind the living arrangement so much as I just want to live with my best friend. Tired of the encumbrances that come with not being married.