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So Ladies, i have a problem.. Call me crazy but i think i need to solve this problem before i get married. So my fiance bought me a ring when he proposed. The problem is I kind of dont like it. He spent $ 5,000 dollars on the ring and its a princess cut .75.. the diamond is the best quality thats on a chart.. white gold band. Well i dont care how clear the ring is, i rather have it bigger than clearer, plus he spent so much money on something im sorry small and plus i dont like. Honestly, people dont tell me they like my ring because its so plain.. and i feel bad about that..
I dont know if I should tell him that i dont really like it, and ask him to exchange it.. Would that be really mean? Should I just keep quite.. I mentioned once to him that maybe we should upgade the ring.. and he said no.. he likes it just like that.. Help me girls.. I want your opinion. Should i push it on him?
I am sorry, but if I got a $5,000 ring, the only thing that I would complain about is the fact that it cost way too much. Your FI spent time picking your ring out for you and I am sure he would be really hurt if you traded it for something of less quality, but bigger.
do you think you could jazz it up with a band or two? I think if you got bands that were a bit more extravagant and blingie it would jazz up your ring and you wouldn't notice.
I second crebre's suggestion...get a coupld of nice sparkly wedding bands to go on either side.
While I think you might be approaching it a little harshly (no one else's opinion should matter), it is something you have to live with and thus, should like. Have you thought about getting a ring enhancer that has side stones that fit around the center stone? More diamonds = more sparkle. Or bands, like crebre said, can really make the ring stand out more.
Is this really a materalism thing though? I mean, no offense, but it's America/the western world, and I understand if it is. I think maybe you should pick out a really beautiful right hand ring and ask your fiance for that for your next big celebration. You changing your ring now, after all your friends have already passed judgment on it, is not going to change their minds--they'll probably still think you could have gone bigger. I think you should start trying to find something you LIKE about the ring, if your FI does not want to exchange it, and remember what it represents. Perhaps if you have children, when a son/daughter is getting ready to get married, you can pass your ring down to the proposer/fiance and get a big new ring!
You could always get it reset. It's one thing to bring up that you may want to change the setting down the road, it's another to blatantly tell him that the main diamond is too small.
Honestly, that would be like him telling you, "I know I proposed, but I have decided that you are too ugly to marry. I'm not happy with how you are going to look as my bride, so please lose 30 pounds and get some plastic surgery."
If you reset the diamond in a setting that has diamonds on the band and also a halo around the center diamond, it will make the whole ring pop and also make the main diamond appear larger.
Also, he did the right thing by going for the quality. Down the road, if he does upgrade you, you could also buy an additional .75 ct princess diamond and turn your pair into earrings. An ideal quality diamond looks bigger than one that is of less quality because of its brilliance and how much it sparkles.
No offense to those who feel differently, but I think that going for size and begetting all other facets of the diamond is like buying a knock-off Chanel purse. It's tacky. Also, for those of us who can spot a high quality diamond, we aren't impressed by sheer size while all other "C's" are lacking and if you only want a bigger diamond, isn't that who you want to impress anyway? Random people who see your finger and friends? Why not just return the diamond and buy a high quality 2.5 ct cubic zirconia diamond?
Also, keep in mind what the ring signifies - his promise of his unending love for you.
I always have to wonder who these people are insulting someone else's ring...especially since you're ISN'T small (national average is .5-1.25 ct - I worked in diamond and fine jewelry wholesale).
That being said, you should love your ring and I'm sure your fiance WANTS you to love your ring. Can you guys go together to see about upgrading/changing? As tempting as it is to get bigger and lower quality, I warn you to try to meet in the middle. You don't need an D/IF but steer clear of anything under an I or J for sure and if you opt to go so low as SI make sure you really study it. Inclusions there you can actually SEE in person. It may be big, but a big black dot in the middle or dark wavy line will get noticed just as quickly.
I'm wondering if you had talked to your FH beforehand about what styles of ring you preferred, etc...If not, and he just bought you your ring without knowing, then I think it is fine to get it reset with a more sparkly setting! You'd be amazed at what .75 can look like when it's surrounded by diamonds...I totally totally understand the "wanting a bigger diamond" thing but it sounds like your FH isn't on board with that idea...I think either getting a more diamond-y setting or getting 2 sparkly beautiful wedding bands will help a lot and then maybe for your 1-year anni or 5-year anni, you can approach hubs about upgrading...I think being a couple years removed from the engagement can help a guy feel more amenable to upgrading a ring...
I second everything Mrs Louboutin said.
Can't fight a woman who knows her shoes.
I can't say it better than Mrs. Louboutin did. The jewelers we spoke to always said buy the best quality you can afford and don't worry so much about the size. Once we started looking at diamonds, the sparkliest and most eye catching were always the best cut diamonds, no matter what their size.
It shouldn't be the size that matters, but rather the fact that you and your FI are getting married. When we started looking at rings I knew my FI couldn't afford a lot, so I found a less expensive ring because I didn't need 2ct on my finger to know that he loves me. And I agree with what others have said, that you can get an enhancer or two (wedding bands) to add pizzazz to the ring. I guess the most important thing to me is wearing the ring my FI proposed to me with.
One more thing, I think your FI said 'no' to upgrading bc he was probably offended....he picked out that ring bc it made him think of you and it symbolized his love for you.
Completely agree with Ms. Louboutin! When we picked out my stone, there was a bigger option in our price range, but it was less quality. I am NOT the kind of person who can tell good diamonds when I see them; I do not have much exposure to fine jewelry, and even I could see the flaws and noticed the lack of sparkle in the lesser quality one. I also agree with what people have said about how he put thought into it and it probably hurt him. I do think you should look into bands or enhancers or see if maybe you can get the diamond reset. You should love your engagement ring, but at the same time, you should remember its significance, not just that it's bling to decorate yourself with.
This topic comes up so much and it's always the same thing...the original poster get chastised for being materialistic and ungrateful. I really don't think just telling someone "feel lucky you have anything at all" is going to make the feeling go away.
I understand it completely...if I'm expected to wear this for the rest of my life, I want to like it! My marriage has NOTHING to do with the ring...I have no emotion towards the ring. It's jewelry. I have the man already, this is just an accessory and has no meaning beyond an outward symbol of "I'm taken".
Sinitsa, you should bring it up to your fiance. First find out if it's returnable, if not...then there's really nothing you can do aside from re-selling it, probably at a loss, so the best option is to enhance it with a halo setting.
If you can take it back, tell him you appreciate the research that went into getting a "perfect" stone, but that you'd rather go for a bigger bang. It has nothing to do with him, yes, he put work into it, but it's not right for you...would you return a shirt that didn't fit? Hell yes. Why not something that you're going to have for generations?
You know... I'm really, really annoyed by some of the comments on here. Now, my boyfriend has yet to pick out a diamond. But no, it won't be the BEST quality or the biggest stone. But he'll find a happy medium. But the fact that you're saying that choosing size over quality is tacky, well. It's rude. I don't care what anyone spends on shoes seeing that I love my Prada, but there are some people who say that buying designer shoes is "tacky" because they cost what it takes to feed a child in a third world country for a year. Declaring something to be tacky IS tacky.
Anyway, back to the OP, if you're unhappy with the ring, you should let him know- GENTLY that maybe in a couple of years you could try it with a different band? The ring is just a symbol. But it's also one you wear every day. That being said, it was super rude of your friends to make you feel bad about it.
I would just buy bands to add the bling you want. Get a band for both sides of the ring!
If you're unhappy with the ring, you're unhappy with it, and that won't go away. It's okay. Especially if you didn't point out what you liked beforehand and he just ignored it.
Honestly, I think your ring sounds amazing, but what matters is what you think. Is it the cut or the band? You'd be surprised at how jewelers can jazz up rings these days. I'll be the first to admit that when I got my ring, even though I picked it out, I was a little surprised at how small it was. I never tried on rings in a store and we just ordered it online. I had no idea how thin the band was and I was *slightly* disappointed. Once I added my wedding band, I was a lot happier with it. And, I've hinted to the hubs that if I get one more band for an anniversary to go on TOP of the ring (one on each side), I'll never want a piece of jewelry ever again.
You really have to wear it every day, so you might as well love it, right?
I agree with Mrs. Loub.
Did he purchase the ring with his own $5000? If so, I really wouldn't say anything about it, especially because it sounds like he would be offended. Changing the setting is one thing (and I would support talking about changing the setting). Changing the stone is totally different. How long have you been wearing it for? Maybe you can learn to love it??
@KM I kinda agree. I think everyone just has different priorities. My guy had X amount of money and he got a near perfect 1ct solitaire on a platinum band. If we would have sat down and discussed, I may have told him that I'd rather have white gold vs. platinum and maybe a stone slightly less perfect if it was bigger (i don't really think I can tell the difference between VVS1 and VS1 and there is a big price difference). not to say that i don't absolutely love my ring or think its big enough because I do, but having the highest quality stuff wasn't super important to me.
Regardless... decide how important this really is to you? Is it worth hurting your FI's feelings? Can it be remedied by a blingy band? Think a while before you say anything to him again.
Honestly, I don't think .75 carats is small.
But if it's not what you want, you should talk to your fiance and maybe you guys can pick out a different ring together.
Heh, I picked out what sounds almost identical to your ring as my dream ring and I still think some of the comments on here are too harsh. There's nothing inherently more virtous about preferring quality over size or vice versa.
However if it the opinion of others that is getting you down keep in mind that in Europe and anywhere outside the U.S. they look down on large bad quality diamonds and prefer smaller quality ones. Also even in the U.S. the 'classy' WASPy big money people all look down on bad quality diamonds as well.
In my opinion with engagement rings, if you don't like it you don't have to wear it. But you can't make him give you what you want. So if you don't like it do not wear it and if that upsets him explain that you love him and want to marry him but eh on the ring. Or maybe wear it till the wedidng and stop wearing it then in exchange for a wedding band. However if the idea of not having a blingy engagement ring at all upsets you a lot you might want to check your priorities. No one is entiteled to lots and lots of bling. Unless you buy it yourself. You can always buy yourself any ring you want.
IMO if he was going to spend 5k on a ring he should have made sure you'd like it but eh people make mistakes.
I agree that you can jazz it up with your band! I have 0.75 carat princess solitare, though I disagree with people thinking that's small! But I have size 5 fingers but can see how it be small on larger fingers. My wedding band is 1/2 c half eternity and those togethor are stunning, almost too much bling at times! But I will say it is important to have a connection with your ring. I agree with a lot of pp about quality over size bc mine is high quality and shines through, but I also know my hubs wanted me to have a ring I loved. I gave no ideas to him as I had no clue what I wanted except it to be a solitare. He said if I didn't like it in anyway, we could change it, but lucky for me he has exceptional taste and I'm in love with it. But this also comes from the girl who said she woulda loved just having a clauddah ring! If it really bothers you, talk to him, but be understanding and prepared if his feelings get hurt. Sometimes guys are proud of their purchase and what they did.
.75 is small !?!? 0-o WHEN did this happen?! I have a .64 diamond and I was so EXCITED! Its way bigger then I imagined I would ever get.
Honestly i think that you should just add a double band for your wedding band to bling it up like others say.
@osakagrl i agree! not small at all! I think it depends on the circles you run in though for your perception. When I was a little younger (like before I graduated from school) I thought that 1/2 ct was HUGE!! Now I feel like my 1ct ring is totally average (in size only... i absolutely love it!)
wow, I think about my center stone at .75 (Colorless - E) with the halo and band diamonds and recall the comments : "omg, thats big", "look at all that bling" or "you are blinding me", I blush everytime. I just can't understand why you would want a bigger stone that may be yellowish or dull with no sparkle compared to a average size stone that sparkles and shines. Bigger isn't always better. Just my opinion!
Your guy might have said no to the upgrade because in a lot of stores in order to upgrade you have to double the inital amount if he bought their upgrade program. So if he paid 5K then he'd have to upgrade you to a 10K and he might not be in the position to spend more or want to spend more at this time.
I would go to the store on your own and try different wedding bands to see if that makes you feel different about it. If you still don't then talk to him again and explain that you aren't wanting him to spend more $$ but that you would like a larger center stone but in that same price range.
Also, no matter the size of the stone people will say negative things. I have a 2ct and I've had a couple of negative comments because I choose an Aquamarine Center Stone with diamonds around it. It's what I wanted and it is a gorgeous ring.
Good luck and tread lightly
If I'm being completely honest, after all of the emotion of the proposal died down I looked at my ring and felt a little let down. My ring sounds exactly like yours, only smaller! it .64 and an e clarity/colour?! basically the diamond is flawless, princess cut on a plain white gold band. But looking down at it I felt that it was too small, this feeling lasted about a week, and then I decided that I actually loved my ring, it's timeless and elegant. Soon I'm going to have a wedding band next to it which will make it look bigger. I love now love everything about it, especially the setting and how FI picked it himself. It's actually exactly what I would have chosen. If I had the choice between quantity and quality, quality wins everytime. I am yet to see a ring I love more than my own and thats mostly down to what it represents to me.
I kinda went through the same thing. I got a smaller diamond that what I wanted and the setting was not what I wanted bc it set the diamond way to tall to be safe and what d'ya know, the diamond fell out the next day!
i lucked out bc I got a pave setting due to that but have gone back and forth on whether I want a bigger diamond and what he would feel about it. Turns out since the setting was custom made for the diamond size, .5 carats, I can't go up more than .15 carat, which isn't worth hurting FI feelings over.
SO I'm going the route a few have mentioned with a ring "enhancer", getting a wedding band too though because I don't like the idea of him putting the enhancer on my finger during the ceremony.
To jazz up my emerald cut solitaire engagement ring, I got two diamond wedding bands for each side of my ring, and it made my ring perfect! I think you should go and try on wedding bands with your e-ring and see what you think. It took my husband and I a while to find the perfect bands, but when we did, they made all the difference in the world.
I can't tell you what you should think or not think about your ring, but I do believe that you shouldn't pay attention to what people say or don't say about. Who cares? We all put too much stock in what people we don't know say and think of us.
I do think that you're right in the fact that he probably could've gotten something a bit better for $5,000. Are you sure he spent that much on your ring? I have a .77 princess on a platinum pave setting and it cost almost $2,000 less. Truthfully, I always thought I'd get a bigger diamond, but I didn't because my FI didn't want to put it on credit. It is what it is and I will make the most of it.
Had you guys discussed it beforehand and he got you something different than what you like? If that's the case, then I think you could have grounds to speak up and ask in a nice way if you guys can exchange it for something you both like. If you're past the exchange window however, that could be difficult because of different upgrade policies. This may just be one of those lessons to make the best of it. If your FI loves you and is caring and the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, then maybe right now the size of the diamond should not matter.
@aqua...not starting a price debate, well bc it just is not cool, but it is very easy to spend that kind of money on a diamond no matter how big or small the diamond is bc its based more on the quality, ie color, clarity, faucets, measurements. I know my hubs, my sisters hubs and my friends FI who all bought ER this year and have seen the ranges. Plus I know what my 3/4 stone was not only priced at but yet appraised at. So I can be pretty darn sure she got what he said he bought.
@Miss Green ditto. There's so much more than the 4Cs that affect a diamond's price/value.
If any of you waiting girls are part of your ring selection I highly recommend you do some research on it all. The Pricescope message boards are an amazing resource for learning everything you need to know about buying a diamond. Plus the eye candy is amazing but it will give you crazy size issues. Many of those ladies have GIANT rings.
Speaking of giant rings...as far as the size/quality debate I think that is a personal decision and what is important to one couple may not be as important to another.
As far as the OP goes I think that .77 is a perfectly fine size. I like the above suggestions to add some bling with your wedding bands. I think that your fiance probably spent a long time saving for this purchase, stressing about it, and weighing his options. The proposal is really the guy's big moment. Before you speak up I would reflect on what it might mean to take a little bit of that away (even though it's after the fact) and think about what the ring means rather than focusing on the size and the oohs and aahs it's getting.
If you really can't live with the ring then I would suggest getting it reset. I know a delicate micropave halo can make the center stone look significantly larger. Making the band narrower should also have the same effect.
I agree with Miss Badger. Reset it if you need to, and maybe you should consider paying for it yourself-if it won't offend him. I think blinging out the wedding band is a great idea as well.
As for the appraisal that some girls were talking about...they are always appraised extra high. IMO appraisals have little to do with what your ring is really worth, If you were to ever re-sell your ring you would NEVER get the appraisal value. My ring is appraised at $17,000 plus tax and I know he didn't pay that much. They are generally appraised between 1.5-3 times what you pay. Its like when you look at the jewellery store for rings and they are having a "sale" which is $5000 off. Not realistic. Prices are so inflated!
I know that you need to be happy with what you are wearing for the rest of your life but I think we are a little "spoiled" .75 carats is a GREAT ring. Maybe its just me but I feel "unworthy" when I see what happened to Haiti. For me, it just puts things into perspective. JMO.
@Aqua.. I am sure he got it for that much.. I found a card in his wallet
that they gave him a Ben Bridge store and it said 5thousand dollars.. That'
s why I was so surprised that he spent so much money on it.
Girls I really don't want to sound ungrateful, but I live in CA we are all
about flashy stuff here, the bigger the better. I'm surrounded by girls
who have an average of 2ct. diamonds. I feel this huge pressure on me.
You see, I have told my fiance that I want a solitary ring.. Princess cut..
But since I didn't try any rings on before I did not know the diamond sizes, but I always told him the bigger the better. I didn't care for the shine..
But he went with high quality.
The other thing what sucks about my situation he hates little shiny
diamonds on the wedding band. I tried one on and he said I look like an
old lady with it.. I wanted to do the whole 2 wedding bands deal, he does not like it! I'm so irritated by that.. He thinks that the wedding band should only have few
tiny diamonds on it. I appreciate that he has a taste of his own, but I have
to wear this ring for the rest of my life.
I think that I will keep quite for now.. Atleast till Valentines Day.. I gave him a slight hint a long time ago about the ring, there is no need to pressure him again now..
Ladies please don't think I'm spoiled, ungrateful, or hate me for my high wants. I'm just a Californian girl with an education, and big ring is my weakness... Lol..
Oh and to answer some of you your question, he proposed in April '09.. So I have the ring for a while.. I really don't think Ben Bridge will accept it now.. I need to go and ask them what's their return/exchange policy.
@sinitsa: i honestly haven't found one guy yet that says a bunch of diamonds and sparkle don't look old ladyish (M described my choice as gaudy to me >insert eye rolling<) i definitely think you can get what you want in a band and just tell him that you want the best of both worlds, his great style along with yours. and trust me everything is bigger down south and I was once known to say if it's not 2 carats or better don't bother asking. Thank God I didn't say this to M because I betcha he probably wouldn't have asked but I worked in the legal profession and wanted to feel that my ring 'measured up'. I've learned since that it's more about the relationship than the ring and M and I didn't even have a ring when we were first engaged. And I was okay with that too... If this is important to you, it's important to you. If some type of acid gets on the band and you have to have it reset c'est la vie ;)... okay maybe not be that conniving but..... at least it can make you laugh at the thought of it. I also don't think he could have found you a 2 carat for 5000 unless he went to a store like zales or kays or something like that...
This is going to sound harsh. But you get what you get. It is not about the ring, it is about the commitment and the marriage. It is just a ring. Who cares how big it is.
And to be honest, I think you sound selfish for complaining that your FI spent $5,000 on a perfect diamond. Wow.
I don't think you should bring it up. Try to step into his shoes: If you were him, wouldn't you end up feeling really hurt after putting your heart into picking out a ring for the girl you loved? I know if I were him, I would feel like she cared more about the ring itself as a material thing more than the symbolism behind it (proposal for a lifelong marriage).
I think you need to take one for the team (cast aside your material wants), and put your husband-to-be's feelings first. In the scheme of life and your future marriage, is it REALLY more important that you have a bigger ring?
I was one who initially said to go for the blingy wedding bands. There are many on here who would say that you are selfish and materialistic...and that very well may be true....but you have admitted that having a big rock is important to you regardless of how you are viewed. PLUS....you have worn the ring plenty time for you to change your views about it, and you still don't like it...SO...I would suggest talking it over with your FI in a non-confrontational manner and coming up with a solution...even if that solution means dipping into your own funds to finance an upgrade to something you like better.
Other bees have upgraded/modified e-rings b/c they haven't liked them for one reason or another so you really shouldn't be getting slammed for wanting to do the same thing.
I am wondering what type of discussion you and your FI had about the ring prior to him purchasing it. I know my FI asked me what my dream ring would be pretty early on in our dating and I told him and left it at that. He even asked what I absolutely do not like (round diamonds) and if I had any metal allergies (gold). It seems strange that your FI would invest 5K in something without even taking your likes/dislikes into account.
@sinista - I would maybe let him know that you appreciate his input on your wedding band, but you have your own taste too! I LOVE the idea of the halo ring. Maybe for your band, you can have it reset with the halo of diamonds around the ring and down the band. That would be amazing. And, you make your FI feel better, you can get a plain band to wear with it :o) Nothing wrong with lots more bling!
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