(Closed) My Engagement Ring Problem

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee

That depends. How proud is he of the ring? How much time did he spend researching it? How much did he invest himself in the search?

For many (maybe even most) men, rejecting the ring he choose with all the love in his heart can be a very hurtful thing. I know my FI would be crushed – to put it lightly.

Post # 4
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

It depends on your FI…

My xdh was hurt when my old set broke and I wanted to upgrade instead of fixing it. (But he was a very insecure person and thought that upgrading meant that he was not good enough or something)

My current DH just wants me to be happy, so he would not care at all.

Post # 5
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

Aw, that is too bad. I find .75 carats to be a really nice size for a diamond. I don’t know how your FI will react to this news but the fact that he was looking for the “best quality” diamond (rather than size) suggests this may be a real point of difference for you two (since you’d prefer the opposite: a very big size even if it is not a diamond at all). He really may not understand that, as well as potentially being hurt.

Why don’t you buy yourself a big ring for your right hand instead?

Post # 7
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I know my fiance would be really hurt.

Mine is a 0.75 diamond solitaire with pave diamonds in the split shank… totally not what I thought I wanted/would be getting.

My FI was very set on giving me a very high quality stone as well and he wanted it to be a Canadian diamond.

I would still rather a larger, less perfect stone.

I don’t tell my FI this tho because I know he would be very, very hurt.

Post # 8
Member
8473 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hmm… This is a tough one. For one, you will be wearing it forever so you want to like it. But you don’t want to hurt your FI feelings. 

There is a really big difference, to me, in those two sizes.. Therefore, I say you be honest with him. 

Post # 9
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

He bought you the ring that will endure fads, so keep it because it will last forever (like you can pass it on to your family).  Buy a big blingy thing to wear as a cocktail ring or whenever and when FI asks, just tell him that you want something trendy but you don’t want to replace the beautiful ring he gave you… or something like that.

Laughing

Post # 10
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like if he got the very best quality, that he would be hurt if you asked for a bigger size.

Why not just get a super blingy eternity band for your wedding ring?  One so blingy that you can wear it on your left hand and have your e-ring for your right hand?  I know a bunch of women at my old job did that. 

Or, go with what a PP suggested and get a super blingy RHR.

Post # 11
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Or tell him to buy a big moissey as a push present if you two want to start a family! Or you know, just because he loves you so much 😉 I want a pink stone ring at some point in my life so I’ve told FI to buy me one after we have a girl (God willing of course). If you think he would be really hurt, I’d try to have a light, non-confrontational conversation about it and see how he feels. If he isn’t emotionally attached to the ring or what it means, I think you could express to him how you feel about it. If it is something that really upsets him, then tell him you’d like a Moissanite at some point as either a RHR or maybe to wear when you go somewhere that you don’t want to a wear a diamond to. He might react better if you tell him that you are concerned about someone wanting to steal your perfect diamond hehe. It’ll be fine. I’d just talk to him in a non-threatening, non-confrontational way and I think he’ll be calm and willing to listen to you.

Post # 12
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No– I see no good coming out of this. You will hurt your FI’s feelings.

My coworker made it really clear to her husband what she wanted. He bought her something else. She doesn’t like it and wears the ring about 3 months a year (and wears just her wedding band during the spring/summer/fall).

Then, for an anniversary/push present, she got the ring she wanted for her right hand. It is perfect, she wears it year round, and it makes both of them happy.

Post # 13
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is a tough one, personally I wouldn’t question it as your FI could be very hurt. My ring is currently being custom made, and I said to my partner the other night “What if I don’t like it”, his response was “too bad, you’re wearing it.” LOL. I think after all the effort he has put in, mine is a case of too bad, wear it.

Post # 14
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@precision9000:  why don’t you just get yourself a moissy as a rhr?  they have pretty coloured stones too.

Post # 15
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Coming from experience, he will be very hurt. My fiancé bought me a platinum tacori setting .51 carats with a 1.02 Center diamond. Last month I asked for my diamond to be upgraded to 2 carats. He was very upset with me and said he couldn’t believe I said that. He felt like I felt like it wasn’t good enough. That’s obviously not the reaction I thought I would get. He was fine a couple of hours later. I tried to bring it up again 2 weeks ago while driving home and he did not want to talk about it. The diamond is next to flawless so in the sun and in good light it shines like crazy. I guess I’m like you. I’m caught up in the mix of loving bling. I’ve looked at prices for 2 carat diamonds. It’s insane. I’ve since then have fallen in love with 1.5-1.7 carat diamonds. my biggest issue is my finger size is so big, 6.5, and the band is so thick that the Center diamond gets lost in the setting 🙁

Post # 16
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Lepidoptera:  did I read your 6.5 finger size is “so big”? XD

Mine is a 9.5 and I still think my 1ct looks big lol. Rings are a bit smaller here though to be fair so I’m programmed that way I guess. 

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