Weddingbee boards

Still maintaining ANON status as I have several pictures posted on my wedding recaps and do not wish for my face to be paired with this post.

You may have read my previous post http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dh-talking-to-coworker-long regarding my discomfort with my husband and his boss.

I am here today, not for advice, but to tell my story. I'm telling it because I need support and I want to be able to share this with other women who are/have been in this situation.

You can reference the previous post if you want the BG on how I started catching wind of this before it came out, so I will now start my story on December 22nd.

I went to bed at 8:30pm on December 22nd as I was to be up very early for an important meeting at work the following morning. I awoke around 2:00am to see that DH wasn't in bed next to me. I stumbled into the hallway searching for the light switch when I heard him playing on his phone in the living room. I went straight for the kitchen to grab a glass of water and when I came in to the living room, he was gone. I was still in that dream-like state so I convinced myself I must have not really heard him in the living room. I went back to bed to find him tucked under the covers and he appeared to be asleep. I thought I was losing my mind! I forget it and go back to bed.

On December 23rd, my husband was driving with me to work and I told him about what I thought I saw the evening before. We shared a laugh and he said I was crazy and apparently needed a vacation. It must be stressed induced from work and a stiff drink that evening might do me some good. I giggled. Then, it got weird. That women's intuition kicked in and I just KNEW something was off. He was silent the rest of the car ride. He started fidgeting. When I went to kiss him goodbye, I knew I had stumbled on to something he didn't want me to. He was off.

Prior to our marriage, during pre-marital counseling, we agreed on total transparency and gave each other passwords to our respective social networking sites. I never felt the need to look, so I never did.

When I got in to work that morning, the first thing I did was log in to his Facebook. BOOM. Right there, two private emails to two of his ex girlfriends. They started off innocent and then spun into him confirming he was seeking casual sex on the side.

I drafted up a letter to him and in so many words said that I was fully aware of his behavior and that I would be filing for divorce after Christmas  unless he took this moment to COME clean and work on our marriage. I got home from work that day and ran out to do last minute Christmas shopping. As I was out, he sent me a text message saying that he felt I was cheating on him. Projection. I wanted to puke. I responded No, I was not, but wanted to talk to him face to face. We would discuss it when I get home.

I got home and sat through his ten minute load of BS talk about how he felt I was cheating on him and how he was having trouble trusting me. I reminded him of our total transparency clause and said, you are more than welcome to verify any way you need to. I have nothing to hide and I am being 100% honest with you. He hugged me and apologized for "losing his mind" and that he didn't know what got into him.

I took the moment of silence following this conversation to give him the letter I had written. He re-read it 3 times. Shaking, crying. He couldn't even speak. He just looked at me with tears in his eyes and mouthed "I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry". I gave him a few minutes to collect himself and then asked him to come clean.

I did not tell him what I DID know, just that I was "Aware". He begins to tell me about how his relationship with his boss has gotten out of hand. That I was right in being alarmed by it and he should have listened to me and should have followed our agreement on what to do with it. I sat in shock. Not that I didn't notice something was not right with his boss, but because I HONESTLY had no idea the depth of it. I thought he was about to confess to the ex girlfriends. This was the moment I entered "robot" state.

To save this from being a 5 hour long read, I will sum up the next several days below.

It took a full week to get the truth. He gave me bits and pieces of info, but after contacting his bosses soon to be ex-husband to expose the affair and viewing text/phone records- I was able to get these horrible, horrible words out of his mouth. "I had sex with my boss. It wasn't until very recently that it became sexual, but we have been involved emotionally since March. We've told each other we are in love and we shared our hopes and dreams about a future together.". Just writing it crushes my soul. He was also seeking out casual sex on adult dating websites, through facebook and any time he went out with his guy friends.

Something to note, we have only been married for 6 months. This started before our wedding and carried through it. He texted her on our honeymoon. He talked to her all night on my birthday. He went to see her when I left town for a week to train for a new position at my job. He was with her those nights when I was calling him, talking about how even though my new position at work was going to be time consuming, we were going to make our marriage the main focus. They had sex the night I sat at home crying because I had just miscarried. He called her and told her he loved her and started planning a future with her the night of his birthday after I went to bed. The night after we had a conversation about her and he looked me in the EYES and reassured me everything was okay.

I've tossed and turned between reconciling and leaving. This morning, I printed out all of the documentation I need to file divorce. I am leaving for the weekend to visit family and to clear my head before I file.

I'm embarrassed, I'm disgusted, I'm devestated. I finally just started to feel emotion as of last night.

We still have wedding gifts coming in. I mean, the ink hasn't even dried on the damn marriage license! I never in a million years thought this would be my life.

In the meantime, I have have been tested for STD's (nothing, by the grace of GOD!!!!) and have been seperating our finances. I start counseling soon and just joined a gym. I've been reading books on affairs/recovery/theaftermath, I've lurked on infidelity forums and I've forced myself to at the very least, choke down water and a piece of bread daily.

Again, I'm not looking for advice. Although I'm sure many of you have wonderful things to say, I just need support right now. I need support and I need to share.

Thanks for reading the longest post ever!