- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Well i’m just full of NEW posts today aren’t I….
A little background:
My mother and I had a great relationship growing up, my parents on the otherhand didn’t. Once I was able to process what a relationship was about in my early teens, I knew my parents were just sticking together for the sake of us (myself, sister and brother both younger).
She was always around for events, girl scout meets, etc. She worked 2 jobs and was always there for us. Then came the depression, for whatever reason she started sleeping on the couch more often (depression) then it was all the time, not just at night.
More times than not, she would have us fend for ourselves most nights if my dad wasn’t home to cook, basically eating subway (only walk away) or grilled cheese, nutterbutter bars, poptarts, cereal. When my dad was home, (he would go to AA meetings and fish meets ((he had been recovered for over 10 years by that point)) he would cook us hardy meals, normal meals! It was great.
FFWD to later years, my mom and dad seperated, and eventually parted ways. She had been cheating on him when he left for Iraq in 04-05 while using his military money to go on expensive dates and nights out (i was older by this point, like 19?)
So basically when this happened, she turned into a crazy person, and I mean crazy…she would pick fights with my sister and I, try to get us in the middle and find things out about his new girlfriend…she was just totally different.
We had a horrible relationship from then on out, I would always call her and she wouldn’t answer or say she was sleeping. Her live-in boyfriend would answer and says she is sleeping or busy or not home. She finally told me one year, that she never even really wanted to have kids…she wasn’t the mom type, and that it just happened.
She had waves of being nice, finally contacting me or my sis, hanging out once a week or a month or so, then no contact. This became the norm and then eventually turned into never answering ever, never returning calls, excuses that she doesn’t check call ID, she doesn’t check e-mail beause it makes her nervous, and she doesn’t have a voicemail set-up (she does).
Anyway my point is, once my wedding planning came around, she was too into it, she wanted to plan everything to make up for not being there…and I mean EVERYTHING…she would get so upset to the point of crying if I didn’t like her idea for my wedding or bridal shower. I would let some things roll off and tell her ok thats fine, or give her a main objective (set up the bathrooms with baskets of necessities…decorate the church asiles, construct a table scape for the escort cards) OK well apparently none of that was enough, and she would badger me all the time and use the pity excuse of – well I want to make up for what I missed out on in your life, you don’t like any of my ideas and shove me to the side!
She literally made me so upset and stressed that I had an appt with my doctor and my doctor told me she sounded “toxic” and to take it easy with contacting her.
Well that was unavoidable, she would then begin to start to contact my MIL about bridal shower ideas, (mind you, my mother knows nothing about my CURRENT likes and style…she still thinks of me as a teenager and my old style previous to her literally abandoning us in my late teens) she DEMANDED that she take over basically everything for the shower, my MIL knows me more than my own mother. My MIL got upset, especially sicne she footed the ENTIRE BILL. My mom wanted to pick the place, the deocrations, the games, etc all while not giving ONE CENT! I was so embarassed.
^During the said conversations, she also chose to mention to my MIL (an almost TOTAL stranger to my mother) that her (my mom) and my father had weekly affairs unbeknownst to my stepmother who was dying of cancer.
Well OK now to present day…skipping a little but you get the jist if you read this far.
August 8th was my moms bday, I called her cell AND house, no answer…left voicemails…no calls back..I find out she was in Florida with her boyfriend..meh whatever.
I then get a request to allow a tag on FB of her in a wedding photo I have (we are NOT fb friends because she would insult and literally attack my father everytime my Stepmother posted anything or I posted anything to her (we were really close). My mom became very jealous after my dad and stepmom married 2 years prior.
No contact at all….nothing….I tried numerous times, we fought countless days about how I wish she was in my life more before the wedding even happened…she argued that it was better off sometimes and she hated to pick up the phone. (I hated even calling her to be honest, because she would just talk about medical problems for pity, literally that is the type of person she is..)
^^skipping again…but she told everyone she had MS, no, not morning sickness…MS!!!!! She didn’t and doesn’t have MS, she has regular joint aches and pains, this was DX’d. She also got into a minor car accident and posted every single bruise and bump and scrape on FB…this has been her behavior for many years after the seperation with my father.
Soooo this is where I need help…….
My sister was up from South Carolina due to my Stepmother passing from Colon Cancer. she had been staying with my grandmother whom has dementia. She texted me one night and said our grandma had just shown her a letter that was written out to me and it was like a book, and that thank god she hasn’t found one for her yet because it’s like a book, and it’s negative, and pretty bad about bashing me. Grandma told her that I read it, and that I saw it and told her to put it in the safe box…uhhh I never saw it.
QUESTION IS….Should I read it?