My "estranged" mother wrote a letter about me…

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I?
    Yes : (8 votes)
    33 %
    No : (16 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 4
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    No, I would not read it.

    Post # 5
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    My advice would be don’t read it if you want any kind of relationship with her at all…but I know I would read it myself because I’m the type of person that needs to be like..totally burned before I really “get it.” I’d read it and probably never talk to her again.

    Post # 7
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee

    @QuirkySocialite:  This is exactly what I would do too.  I would read it for closure, never speak with her again, and move on with my life.  She sounds very toxic.

    Post # 8
    2696 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would want to read it.

    In reality, I know that it probably would NOT improve the situation or make me feel any better..but I’d want to read it. It may have been written by a mind that is mentally ill, so you should remember that if you do choose to read it.

    I just want to say, I am so sorry that you’ve had to struggle with this. I know how mentally tortuous it can be. I went from the picture-perfect family, to my mom leaving when I was 8. I have an odd relationship with her and have many emotional issues due to it. My father, although he raised me, is what I consider to be an alcoholic and very manipulative. I love him, but he has caused so much paid and turmoil in my life that I can’t take it. I have VERY limited conversations with him, just to keep myself sane. I think in your case, limiting your relationship with your mom is likely your best bet. If she *is* mentally ill and won’t get help, there’s nothing you can do. It’s not fair to you and your life to have her create such a toxic presence. It’s hard, and creates a lot of guilt, but keeping boundaries is very important for your own mental wellbeing!

    Post # 9
    8818 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t read it.  Honestly, I would shut your mother from your life. The doctor was right, she is toxic. She is doing more harm than good in your life. It sounds like you have great people in your life and you don’t need her or her drama.  I would stop contacting her, eliminate the negativity from your life.

    Post # 10
    5935 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    While I think it will be hard to read and really want to tell you not to, I know that it would be impossible for me not to read it. Curiosity would completely take over.

    Post # 12
    11614 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    People say things when they are angry, and this letter may be the height of her anger.  If you ever want to rekindle your relationship with her, or think that you might, I would not read it. If you do, her words will always be in your head, and you will always have cause to doubt what she says.  Perhaps someday you’ll be able to move past this, but I think reading the letter would be a serious obstacle to that.

    On the other hand, she seems terrible and I would be very hesitant to ever giving her a second change, anyway.

    Post # 13
    1611 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would read it, it would eat away at me not knowing what it said.

    Post # 14
    1343 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013


    It sounds like she needs to be on medication. She actually sounds a lot like my father… a lot… He’s actually diagnosed manic depressive with only a few months static in-between… 

    It’s kind of like, they’ve been so crazy and so toxic for so long, that it’s hard to remember the good times you had. Or even cherish any good times you might still have because you know it’s just going to get bad again. 

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁 It breaks my heart for you. I would probably read the letter because I couldn’t stand not knowing, but then, I would regret it. So, I wouldn’t read it. 

    Post # 15
    9019 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @BellaDee:  ((HUGS))  No, don’t read it.  You don’t want her poisonous words in your mind.  Forget the letter even exists, it will only cause you pain.  Your doctor is right – she’s toxic and you in no way deserve that kind of treatment.

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