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how did I not KNOW?
How could you know if he didn't even know? Don't beat yourself up over it. He's probably more confused than you are at this point. If you are comfortable talking to him about your feelings then by all means do. He might even appreciate and empathize with the confusion.
It's normal to look back and wonder. But looks like he is on the path to embracing who he is and hopefully he will find happiness like you :)
Thanks ladies! :)
@BayStateBride: He's probably more confused than you are at this point.
Yes, absolutely. That's why I feel bad for sitting here thinking about my own feelings.
:( I'll allow myself today to think and dwell and then move on, lol. He's the one who needs someone understanding to lean on.
Oh man, I dated a guy in college who I found out was gay years later! He said he always kind of knew, but he wasn't ready to deal with it. His family is super Catholic and they encouraged him to date women so he could "get over it." But SURPRISE he didn't! He has a boyfriend now. I'm happy he is happy, I don't take it as anything I did or didn't do, people are who they are.
I feel sorry for people who take a wife and kids along for the ride and decide to come out of the closet during a midlife crisis or something. I wish more people could just be themselves.
@Miss Sorbet: Good thinking. Someone once told me, you have to help yourself before you can help others. For example, when you're on an airplane and the attendant is instructing you what to do if there is a break in cabin pressure: you put your oxygen mask on first. That way you can help others get their masks on. Sorry if that was random, but you said you need to take today to really think everything through before you reach out to your ex, and that's my roundabout way of saying I agree. =)
Of course he is the one that is confused right now, but you have every reason to be questioing the past as well. Don't feel guilty about it. You were in a serious, intimate relationship with somone who you just found out is gay. That's a huge deal for you. I would be looking back and analyzing every little detail wondering a couple of things...how did I not know? did he love me/was he attracted to me? was the poor guy struggling with these feelings while being with me??
Take whatever time you need to think through this. It is a big deal. You have SIX YEARS of your past to think about/question in a new way. No reason to feel bad at all.
I think that all my ex boyfriends are asking the same thing! Lol.
I know plenty of gay guys that had been with women, and evne had sex with them. Heck I know someone who was married with 4 kids but always knew he was gay, and then got a divorce in his early 40s. It's actually more common then we fathom.
Don't feel bad about it - and seriously, take it as a compliment. He tried really hard to be straight, and if he was straight, you're the type/one he'd want. You know how some girls say "Well, if I was a lesbian... I'd go for someone like Angelina Jolie." - Girl, you're his Angelina Jolie.
ANd ps - its really easy to not know. Hiding gayness is pretty easy, if you really want to.
one of my very best friends in the world is my gay ex boyfriend! we even joke that we had sex bc it's SO WEIRD (and also, 12 years ago). my SO has no issues with us being close :)
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My high school boyfriend who is THE ex in my past...the one serious boyfriend before I started dating DH...confided in me last night that he thinks he might be gay. He's doing a lot of soul-searching, I think.
While I, of course, have no problem with it if he IS gay, it has certainly caused me to do a reevaluation of my own past! I had so many firsts with him, including the big first, losing my virginity. Then after we broke up we had YEARS of the most ridiculous on-again, off-again silly romance. We thought we were madly in love but just couldn't make it work. Luckily I eventually met DH and learned what a real relationship should be like. Ex and I have remained relatively close friends.
I'm just having a difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that the boy I pined over for 6 years might have been gay. Of course it shouldn't be a big concern of mine NOW, but...how did I not KNOW? Although I do have to say I am so glad that he is finally starting to "find himself," because he has been unhappy for a while.
Is it silly or insensitive of me to let this news bring up so many feelings and memories...and make me feel so strange about them all?