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Ugh that is so annoying. I'm sorry that happened. I think your ex is obvioulsy jealous that you've moved on and he wants to ruin your happiness. He's immature and vindictive. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let it get to you. Also, I wouldn't acknowledge your ex. I think it's much more effective to ignore people like that than get involved in drama with them, which is what they want.
Wow good thing you got him out of your life, and if your FI isn't bothered then even better. The idiot just wanted to cause problems because he is prbably bitter and you have moved on with your life. Guys are like that they want you to be crying over them for an eternity. My so-called ex is getting married and he contacted me weird and random. Another ex always seems to im me with retarded comments...why...because I am in a happy stable relationship, and they want to bother. So just brush it off and be happy with your FI. If you can, make your wedding website private or somthing.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I think you should make your website private as well.
What a jerk! Seriously! But you know, you're FI is right, you should let it go. Like you said, you went to therapy, overcame your own issues and moved on to a better and happier life. It seems that your ex hasn't done that and is still dealing with his own issues and wants to project them. Don't let him drag you down - which is exactly what he's trying to do. You're better than that, and you and your FI deserve more. An argument with him will just open the door for further contact, and I'm sure that's the last thing you and your FI want. Seriously, I know it's hard (I still feel the need to contact my ex every now and then just to make sure he understands that I still hate him, as sad as that is) but I would just ignore him.
wow he's a total douche(sorry watching a lot of Jersey Shore)! He obviously is still immature, and why does he even care?? Seems like he may still have some feelings. At least you have a FI that is understanding and mature. Your ex needs to get over it!
Bean's right. I've had some nutty encounters with an ex before, and the BEST thing to do is ignore them. I once engaged, and holy smokes, he wouldn't leave me alone because he took my anger to be a sign that I was still into him, ahahaha. So, yeah. Just let it be.
Your ex is an idiot, that's why! At least you have a FI who wasn't bothered by it, and he's not letting it get in the way. As hard as it is, I urge you to let it go. Contacting him and yelling at him might be part of what he wants. He's immature, and that's his problem. I think it's time to put a PW on your site!
Thanks all! I thought posting on here would prevent me from contacting him and it did. He would just love a reaction, when we dated he loved to push my buttons like that. I'm just going to concentrate on our wedding and all the good things in store for us and let it go. I may brood on it for a day or two but that's just how I am. I'm going to also see if FI can make the website private (he created it himself) that way we won't have to deal with anythingl ike this in the future.
You know what I do when I really want to yell at someone but know that it won't get a desired result? I write it all down in a letter to them and then never send it. It helps me get it all out but keeps me from actually having to contact them at all. You should try it! Say everything you want to say to him and then burn that dang letter! :D
This is pretty awful :-( It sounds like your fiance is being really supportive though, and that is a great sign. I know it's hard, but you should do as your fiance says and just try to forget about it... oh, and password protect your wedding website.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Your ex is obviously jealous that you are happy and he probably is not. I agree with the above posters that you and your FI should not even acknowledge the email. Perhaps your FI can block his email account. This guy just wants to ruffle your and your FI's feathers. He wants you to be unhappy because he is unhappy (and obviously too selfish to deal with it himself). Don't give him that satisfaction. I think Layla's idea about writing your feelings in a letter and destroying it sound like a good release for the anger you are feeling.
BTW, it is awesome that your FI is so supporting during this situation. Sounds like you two are destined for greatness together!
total douche ex and hes obviously not in a happy place with himself or his life to feel its necessary to inflict drama on you so let the guy stew in his own unhappiness. you being happy will be your own best revenge to this incident
I agree with eloping. He's not happy. He wants still drag you down with him. He also could be jealous that you've moved on with your life and away from him. I think he would have contacted you but knew he'd get under your skin for contacting your FI. Ignoring him is your best bet. Points to your FI for being the better man!
Ugh that sucks a lot. I'm glad it sounds like your FI is pretty level headed and cool with it all. I hope he can make the website private to keep your ex out of it!
Wow, that's really just a bit weird. I'm glad you came to WB to rant instead of contacting him though - like you said, he probably wanted that exact reaction. And I think you're doing the right thing on focusing your attentions on you and your FH and your future - though I can't say I'd do the same in your shoes!
he's jealous...misery loves company!! he's obviously very miserable with his life and is trying to tie you into it. he's fishing...don't bite. he knew that this would upset you and because he *thinks* he knows you, he thinks that you're gonna fight with him or that your man is gonna fight with him. leave him to throw himself a pity party and show him that your life is just to great to be bothered with him at all.
ooo
I know some people won't say it to you but I'm not one of those people
I'm a strong believer of "once a cheater always a cheater."
@ dande- so because I kissed another guy when I was teenager means I'm never going to be capable of a monogamous relationship? I have to disagree. I made mistakes, sure, I acknowledge that and I'm not proud of what I did in my past but I learned from previous mistakes and I got help. In the 3 years I have been with my FI I have been faithful and I never plan ot be with another man. I'm sorry that you feel that way but I feel mistakes can be rectified and people can and do change.
If something like this happened to me, I would be bothered, too. However, your FI's reaction shows that he truly trusts you and the relationship as a whole. The ex is probably jealous, immature, bitter as well as super envious of you and your FI's happiness. He is not worth any more of your time. Hope you can put this behind you and continue to enjoy the wonderful relationship you and your FI have built together.
Not to freak you out....but I was wondering if your wedding details were posted in the site? I mean location, date etc.... Just wondering if this moron would show up and cause a scene? He sounds like a tool. :P It's great that you were honest with your FI from the start otherwise it could have been awkward trying to explain.....you have obviously changed your ways, good for you and btw, don't beat yourself up about it, you were very young, we live and learn. :)
I second writing out the scathing letter and not sending it. It helps more than you'd think.
Meanwhile, just take a deep breath and remind yourself that your FI was wonderful throughout the situation which means you're living a wonderful, happy dream come true while the Ex is clearly desperate.
By the way: I think it's ridiculous to say that because you made a mistake when you were a teenager means you'll never be capable of a monogamous relationship. I did a lot of things in high school that have nothing to do with the person I am today, and I'm sure most people can say the same!
Leafy that's something to think about!
FutureMrsTal, if you and your ex live in the same town, and/or have the same group of friends, you should definitely cross check whether ex is trying to sabotage your wedding in some way. Maybe have a trusted friend posted at the gate to discreetly keep an eye out for him and remove him from the premises with zero fuss if he does show up.
Even if you make your website private, there are cached versions of the site that will show the previous details... once its on the net, its there forever. I would focus more on damage control now.
I agree with the majority just ignore him, I've learned from experience if you ignore stupid people it irritates them more than if you argue with them you take away their self importance. If you argue with them they get what they wanted attention. if your fiance is ok with it then just ignore him don't waste anytime thinking about his pathetic a**
OMG i hadn't thought of what Leafy said. i would def find 2 really big dudes to stand gaurd at the door and be on the lookout for the idiot. And then don't think of him anymore don't let him ruin you day in any way shape or form. Don't give him what he wants.
Remember what they say "Living well is the best revenge"! It's obvious that it kills him to see you happy and in a successful relationship. I would definitely remember that and, instead of contacting him, maybe add something to your website about how happy you are!
Take the higher road and ignore him. But I like Circus Peanut's idea about putting something wonderful and loving on your site.
Definitely make it private. Keeps crazies like that x of yours from crawling out of the woodwork.
But bellenga, if she's making her site private, then adding Circus Peanut's idea would be superfluous right?
hes already seen the website to send the comment, so hes seen the details?
what an utter moron! (I would extend my french vocabulary but ill keep it pg to describe him)
Im glad your FH isnt bothered by it. Dont let them get to you. Exes always have a way of bringing up negative emotion just ignore it!
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A little bit of background is necessary first. My ex and I were together for 5.5 years from 15-20. It wasn't a good relationship at all, we fought, cheated, lied (most of this took place in high school), it was horrible. The final straw came when I found out he was cheating on me with a 15 yr old for 5 months. We broke up four years ago. I had very little contact with him after we broke up but I was still e-mailing/calling him when FI and I first got together because he owed me money since I paid off a credit card with both our names on it.
Anyway, I haven't heard from him since December 2007. Good, fine, I was ready to grow up and change my life, I went to therapy I realized some of my own issues and started to change my life, met my FI, and haven't looked back since. Well last night, FI says to me "I have something to show you and you aren't going to like it." I couldn't possibly imagine what it could be, maybe he screwed up an invite or something. He pulls up his e-mail and shows me a message that says "i hope she doesn't cheat on you like she did me for 4 shity year." My ex found our wedding website and used it to e-mail FI because we havee the option of e-mailing FI or myself on the website. FI knows about my past, I wanted him to know everything, so he knows about how my relationship was with my ex. Obviously I was upset by this, angered and hurt and I wanted to yell at my ex for doing this. FI tried to convince me to just let it go, but it bothers me so much. It doesn't bother FI at all, he said it just showed how pathetic and stupid my ex is. Why is he all the sudden contacting me after so long? Why can't he just let me be happy with the life I created? I'm just so upset that someone could be so petty and vindictive.