(Closed) My ex is getting married and my soul feels broken

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

You are still in love with this guy and you’re trying for a baby with someone else? You’re a mom. You need to let this guy go because you have a family now. Or at least figure your stuff out before bringing another person into this world. You never once mentioned loving your current partner, and it sounds like you’re having an emotional affair. I think you couild move on, but it honestly doesn’t sound like you’re trying very hard.  If you’re having children with one man, whether some other man from your past is single or engaged could not possibly be more irrelevant. Let him go.

Post # 4
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry you feel that way hon. I think You made the right decision though. You have your wonderful man and a family. Focus on them and how much you love them.When you left your ex you left on such a beautiful note and that is what you are remembering. He has found the one he wants to spend his life with.Be happy for him because true love is wanting to see those you care about happy xxx

Post # 5
Member
7468 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Your heart won’t heal because you are still in contact with him. I you want to move on, you really need to cut him out of your life. I’m sorry, I know that is easier said than done, but it is for your own good.

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You’re not in love with him.  You’re in love with … LOVE.  What an amazing romantic story you would have had. 

SO … it didn’t work out … move on… YOUR MAN is still out there .. waiting on you … waiting … and hoping he’ll find a catch like you!    this one wasn’t ment to be forever … it was a learning experience…. hang in there (((HUGS)))

 

Post # 7
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You seem to have unresolved emotional issues with him. It seemed as if your breakup wasn’t something you guys actively wanted so you never really let go. As much as it hurts, you have to cut ties with him. It’s not fair to you or your SO and your family. 

Post # 8
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  +100! You need to break off ALL contact with this guy. Facebook, email, everything. Leave the past in the past. You still love him because you have allowed yourself to continue the relationship with him. You have been fuelling your feelings. You need to stop talking to him.

Also a couple of things about this guy. (1) If he really loved you, he wouldn’t have moved for the job. (2) In TEN YEARS he never found the time to visit you… this doesn’t sound like a guy who loves you. (3) The fact that he gave the impression he was single, says to me that he was trying to cheat on his current partner, with you. My impression is this guy is a player.

Post # 10
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Kimy:  When you left your ex you left on such a beautiful note and that is what you are remembering.

YES.

@paula1248:  (1) If he really loved you, he wouldn’t have moved for the job. (2) In TEN YEARS he never found the time to visit you… this doesn’t sound like a guy who loves you. (3) The fact that he gave the impression he was single, says to me that he was trying to cheat on his current partner, with you. My impression is this guy is a player.

and YES.

@Outoflove:  Read these above statements by Kimy and paula1248 again. Really think about them.

Post # 11
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  +1 for cutting him out of your life to heal.

Your heart is feeling so broken because you haven’t cut him out and repurposed your feelings to your current partnet or family, for that matter.

That guy is part of a fantasy and you need to leave him there.

I’m sorry you’re hurting but you have to sort of turn that upside down and be happy for him… do you think he might have hurt deeply when he found out you have a steady partner and beautiful family? Probably, but that’s not the point. You both have moved on quite a bit still retaining the fantasy of your 10-year old puppy love… which is sweet but ultimately distructive so just be happy he can be happy and look within your life for all the things that make you happy as well.

Just appreciate what you did have and chalk it up to love lost…
its romantic really, but not at all realistic.
It will make a great story to tell your daughter some day when she gets her heart broken… it happens to the best of us and it never hurts any less but you WILL heal… xoxox

Post # 12
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

So thinking about this more … are you engaged even?  are you wishing for the life you COULD have had? 2018 is five years off at least.  Are you annoyed he got engaged before you?

Post # 13
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Love, or what we perceive as love, can sometimes fool us. I have no doubt that you have these strong feelings for this ex-lover, and while it’s completely ok to feel a twinge of sadness or nostalgia, you don’t want to put yourself in a position where you may do damage to your current relationship.

As difficult as it may be, I would advise that you cease all communication with this individual. No calls, texts, email, and most definitely NO FACEBOOK. By removing him from your life you are giving your psyche a chance to heal itself while preserving your sanity. It doesnt do you or your heart any good to see how” well he’s doing” or “how happy is he”.

I would also suggest in the strongest way that you make an appointment to speak with someone who can help you figure out what it is that you want. The social stigma regarding psychologists, counselors and such are no longer what they used to be, and I do fully believe that talking it out with a trained professional can not only purge your feelings but force you to look long and hard at them thus pushing you through your dilemma.

As an aside, I want to gently remind you that this individual ended things with you…rather unceremoniously. He didn’t value you enough to see things through. Your current partner on the other hand seems to be committed to you. Why not invest the energy you are expending thinking about the ex into the new relationship? Of course if the new man is not making you happy and fulfilling you, I know you know that you owe it to him and to yourself to set him free so that you may both be unencumbered in your search to find “the one”

Best of luck to you.

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I wish I could give you some good advice, but I have struggled with this, myself and I don’t know how to fix it.  The best thing I can recommend is to cut contact with this guy if you’re feeling this way about him.  It is not fair to your SO.  I know my issues come from not having any closure with my ex.  We had this really sweet, innocent thing.  He was my first love and everything.  I was out of state when I met him and we had our relationship.  When I had to leave to go home, our communication tapered off.  We just stopped talking.  There was never a break up or any bad memories.  I have spoken to him only once since then, about a year later.  That was five years ago.  We have had no contact since then.  I would hold off on having another baby until you can sort through these feelings you’re having.  I think it is a little strange that this guy didn’t tell you anything about having a serious girlfriend and you had to find out by him announcing his engagement!

Post # 16
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

@Outoflove:  Oh honey, I’ve been there! What is it about the dreary UK that just makes people fall in love?! Long story short, I fell in love, had to move back to the US, tried a LDR for a while, and it failed. I got back with my long time boyfriend (we’re still together) and my British ex found love with someone else. At first I was jealous. Compared to my American man, my ex was exotic and exciting. I think that was what I loved: the mystery and romance. It took some time, but now, I recognize that at the end of the day, mystery and “romance” don’t keep me warm on cold nights, but love does. You’re in love with your past, sweetheart, and that’s ok. Just make sure you fall in love with your present and future more. 

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