Post # 1
FI and I were having a really hard time this weekend – like nearly breakup hard time. I don’t have a family; I left home when I was young due to child abuse. I do, however, have a fairy godmother who has supported me for some years now. She started when I was in college. I hadn’t told anybody about our decision to elope instead of having the traditional wedding next August. So – when she called this weekend and asked how I was, I just wasn’t okay and couldn’t pretend. In the course of explaining why I was so upset, I confessed that we had cancelled our traditional wedding for next August. Her response? “Oh, I’m so glad you cancelled that expensive wedding.”
And I had worried that eloping might hurt her feelings! So many of the people that we were to invite have suggested we elope that I really don’t feel like we’re depriving anybody. When I then explained we had cancelled the traditional wedding not due to a lack of funds, but a lack of enthusiasm from the guest list, she then expressed complete shock that anyone would ever criticize another’s wedding – except of course, if you think a fifty person wedding is unreasonably extravagant.
Post # 3
At least she is supportive of your choice to elope. Even if she were more concerned about the money rather than the real reason. Since she has been heloing you financially she may have just seen the “big” wedding as a financial strain on you and your FH and was worried about you starting out in the red. If you had went through with the whole thing, I bet she would have supported you whole heartedly.
I also cant believe they were criticizing your wedding. Unless there was a real reason for it people should keep their mouths shut. And by real reason I mean *he is cheating, they have proof* kind of stuff.
ONE MONTH TILL YOU I DO!!!!Have a blast!
Post # 4
HUGS to you Cheerful – esp b/c sounds as if you and I have LOTS in common familywise – and I had someone like your fairygodmother in my life for a very long time too.
I personally have had a very difficult time with the fact that no family members will be at my wedding and I am nervous about people asking questions, etc. My FI really wants the big wedding and I think some part of me does too, so we’re gonna do it but have definitely considered calling it off due to how stressed out it has been making me.
It sounds to me like she is being supportive of your choice – the way a good mother or a good friend would be and should be. I support you too and hope you have the greatest day and the utmost happiness.
Post # 5
The weird thing is that she hasn’t been helping me financially for a few years now. Wildstyle – if you want to, forego the wedding. Once we decided to elope, everything just became so much… happier. Instead of focusing on a wedding day without family there, with disapproving guests, and people complaining about the color of the napkins, we began to focus on how our wedding day was about each other. Really, the only person I need there is my FI – he makes me happy 🙂
Post # 6
I’m getting that same “lack of enthusiasm” from my family. I was planning this wedding for myself, but also as an opportunity to have a fun family reunion. All I have been told is how silly it is to have a wedding. It totally hurt my feelings, and I am very happy for you that you were able to be strong and plan something perfect for you! I hope it’s fabulous and exactly what you want!
Post # 7
Hi Amber – thank you! It’s beginning to shape up and I’m so excited!
Post # 8
Your FGM sounds like a fabulous, non-judgemental, and big hearted woman!
You had very bad luck when you were younger and now you are having great luck!
Good for you!
Post # 9
um, can i just say that is AWESOME you have a fairy godmother? And secondly…that she is clearly super amazing and understanding? =D
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Sounds like you made the right decision! And it’s coming up so quickly!!
Post # 11
You ladies make me smile – thank you! I’m totally re-reading this thread before FI’s family comes over for dinner next weekend.
Post # 12
It sounds like to me you aren’t really sure deep down that you don’t want a traditional wedding. I went through the same thing. I wanted to elope… I went back and forth. My new husband was so supportive and said he would marry me anywhere I wanted. But he wanted a church wedding. The religious aspect of a wedding in a church was important to him. Anyway, this is about what you and your groom want… not what anyone else wants. And I am not so sure you really want to elope. Just a gut feeling. Hugs.
Post # 13
Thank you for your concern and thoughts. In a way, yes, I’d like a traditional wedding, but I realized that through the planning on one that what I wanted most was the feeling of community support and love. I looked at photographers’ blogs and saw brides surrounded by their bridesmaids, all smiling and felt this pang of jealousy and loss. Planning the traditional wedding wasn’t getting my FI and I what we ultimately wanted: a happy, joyous wedding day. We talked a lot about it before canceling all the deposits and reservations and really, as soon as we made that decision to elope, we started smiling again. I don’t think eloping is for everyone and I wish everyone happy, loving families and friends to celebrate with them on their wedding day. For us, eloping is the right decision because is turns what was to be a day of emphasizing how few people actually support us into one where we can lovingly, joyfully marry each other. We are taking four people with us to city hall and going to dinner with them afterwards and they couldn’t be happier for us. They have been supportive through the whole process. Sometimes instead of two hundred guests at a wedding, you have four, and it’s okay. We’ll truly be able to share the day with them and each other minus the sniping and griping we were formally dealing with.