(Closed) My family and FIL are killing me

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Noone has any right to tell you what your wedding “should” be.  Just smile and say thanks and do whatever you want.

Now there is a bit of a wrinkle when it comes to paying for the wedding.  Certainly any family that you ask to pay for the wedding may have some input.  It sounds lke you are paying for the vast majority so that is more in your favor in terms of making the decisions.

Just get with your fiance and figure out what you both want.  Pick the date and then chose your venue.  It will all start to fall into place from there.

Post # 5
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@alyssaC:  I don’t have any advice other than hang in there, but I just wanted to tell you that when I read that your grandfather specifically alloted money for your dream dress AND a grandmother that won’t even be at the wedding is buying your flowers, I welled up a little bit. What sweet gestures!

Post # 6
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t even get into discussions with these people. Smile and say “Thanks, that’s an interesting suggestion” or “I am getting a lot of very thought-provoking ideas from you” or “Thanks, I’m enjoying everyone’s different ideas” – then choose what YOU want. Don’t tell people what you are doing, if they ask chuckle and say you are enjoying surprisyou everyone.  Worst comes to worst, if there are complaints just tilt your head and say, ” yes, we could have done x, but we decided y, and I’m thrilled with that decision.” Don’t feel like you have to defend ANY choices you and your FI make!!

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Trust me, I had exactly the same problem when I recently got married. Both my family and in-laws tried to tell me what to do. I’m a non-confrontational person and eventually their interferences took its toll on me and caused arguments between my fiance and I. It eventually made me depressed, in a constant state of tears and affected my sleep. 

ASSERT yourself much LOUDER and much CLEARER than you did before. Don’t make the same mistake I did, confront them head-on! Call a family meeting and firmly tell them that you do not appreciate their interference and lay out exactly what it is that you want. Tell them that if they cannot support and respect your wishes, you will no longer tolerate their meddling! You will simply not put up with it! Trust me, if you don’t handle it in a firm way and you humour them by paying attention to their suggestions, etc, you will end up being as miserable as I was come your wedding day. Rather be firm now and plan the wedding that YOU want instead of trying to please them by even listening to their suggestions. You will be better off and will be a much happier bride come your wedding day. I too paid for my own wedding but didn’t want to rock the boat  by being too assertive. Although I told them exactly what I wanted, I was too soft about it. I didn’t want them to think that I was being some sort of BRIDEZILLA!!! I regret now that I wasn’t more of a Bridezilla because despite telling them what I wanted, they went ahead and ignored my requests and did their own thing. My wedding turned into something I didn’t want at all! I was miserable!

 

Don’t allow them to steal your moment and ruin your day!!!

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I say in this case in one ear and out the other. Book you things and have the type of wedding you want ignore ignore ignore. Once you book and make your final choices. Something short and sweet. We made the choices for your wedding and we are very happy with it so there not point in talking about other venues.

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